update.

Morning y'all?

how is everything? I'm good. I have been home and work ...work was a mess last time. I don't think they are following the proper guidelines to protect the people there both employees and residents. I don't want to work at a place where my safety is on the line, my health comes first because the job is not going to vanish when I am gone they are still going to hire people to replace me so why am I putting my life in danger for them? that's what it felt like...I said hell naw I got too many thing to do with my life and this job is temporary I am going to start working in my field soon. I did not quit but I told them I am leaving I cannot stay at a place like this, they couldn't force me because all of the employees has a choice to either work or stay home and most of them stopped coming in! it was only me and someone else last time !! like how nice am I ?. I can't do it anymore it was really draining me mentally...being over there made me paranoid and anxious...I don't like working like this.

Besides work what else? well I can say that I am working on something new. I am not going to publish it here because I think it should not be free. I am trying to publish them on my own...I am talking to a few people to see how I can do that. For the first time I am working on something that I want to publish and I think it's worth the try.

deep thoughts? lol y'all know I am always talking about some deep stuff.

All I can say is that each day I am evolving, I am getting to know myself more. I am realizing what I want and what I don't want. I also accepted that true joy comes from within and that it is not given, I knew that but I had trouble accepting it because I was still relying on people to make me feel better and to make me happy. It was never enough and I would always expect more from them, I would always ask them to be there for me when all I needed to do was to be there for myself. I have been the toxic person in some of my friendships and for that I am sorry. For a reason or another I was looking for something and that thing I was looking for was not in someone else for me to find, I had to dig deep into my soul to find it. I can say that I am much better now and I love who I am becoming. I am more independent with my feelings and emotions, I am learning how to process them on my own because the perks of being an introvert and a melancholic is that you think a lot and we let our emotions take over which is bad. I learned to create distraction, to accept my feelings and I stop being hard on myself or saying mean things to myself. I learned to be nice to myself and to be patient with myself just like I would be with someone else. To be honest I have been mostly been keeping to myself. I am at a point that being around a lot of people makes me uncomfortable (maybe it's the quarantine in me talking haha) nah for real I rather have a small group of friends than to be surrounded by people who talks bad behind my back or don't even like me like that. The more I am being myself the more people will either love or hate on me and guess what I do not care. It took me a long time to accept who I am and to feel okay being me and I am not going to stop.

alright I said too much! have a nice day.

keep a smile on that beautiful face !