Publié depuis Eklablog

*trigger warning this post may make some readers uncomfortable.

“ I know how it feels like to fall asleep with tears in my eyes and to wake up to cry some more. I know all about having friends who doesn’t care, I know all about those people who only talk to me when they want something from me. You once ask me why I delete all of my texts? It’s because I can’t bare to look at past conversations with people I’m not certain will be part of my future. I let all the sadness boiled up inside of me, the heartache of being so lonely and not being able to fit in anywhere. I am too quiet, I look too sad, I look mean, I look boring, I look too confident for them to make me a follower but too boring to be a leader. I feel so lost, so sad, so underserving of all of my potential. I invited her but she never showed up so we will stop inviting her. She looks interesting that day but she left too quick so I didn’t get to ask her what her name was. It’s exhausting trying to be someone they might like, I just want to be happy when I lay my head down at night. Remember when you call to ask what was wrong ? And I hesitated? I wanted to tell you but I wanted you to keep asking so that I could be sure that you really care, but that day you didn’t care. That time when I sat in the bathroom with a knife in my shaky hands wanting to cut my wrist because there was nothing more painful than not being loved by you. It’s making me sick when I look at you to know that you use those lips to kiss someone else. I don’t want to be there, yet I force myself to go but I cry every time because a part of me breaks each time I see you.”