Archives

2016-12-31T03:36:11+01:00

How was 2016 ...

Publié par Gaelle.R 31 Décembre 2016 à 03:36 AM

hey ...

where do I start ? all I can say is 2016 was the year I found myself well one of them, was it the best? I don't know... if I could describe that year I would start by saying Okay let me compare it to something you might understand I won't explain it in my level cause I know I won't make sense LOL whatever okay... uhm do you know like when you meet a guy and uhm you're like damn he is such a badass I can't deal. Then you start interacting and you're like dayummm I was wrong ok so you're telling yourself that he is not that bad, that was me in the beginning of the year I was like "it's not bad" It's great" like "gurl you got this don't worry " Then as you start hanging out with the guy then you ask yourself maybe I was wrong he is not that great I mean ... he's alright. You feel me? Ok so in the middle of the year when I dyed my hair and I had to deal with some stuff, comments, opinions mind you I did not care. I fckn loved it and I was happy with my hair but some people was surprise not expecting that from me. so as you go out with the guy you see him acting different ... that was some people I was used to and suddenly they acting like a different person. I mean I am glad that they started acting different because I could see their true self. I mean I am not about to say that I did not change because I did by the middle of the year I was a whole different person. I did not see life the same way, I look at some people different. Why is that? because some of y'all act fake and when I see someone act fake Imma leave I won't deal with you. LOL oK let me get back to the story ...so as you get to know him you see that he is different from what you thought he is two faced. He can be sweet, mean, honest and he can be a liar.What do I do when 2016 was going down the drain I just sit down and figure out a solution you know, although I had no Idea what to do. I did not want to give up ! Thanks to all the people who supported me, been there with me, cried with me or hold me while I cry wait ! did I cry? Uhm I can't recall but I know there was times that I was real emotional and someone was there for me so I really thank you for your time and attention. I came here on my blog to say this because I want to look back on this and some of you need to give the people who were there for you some credit.

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2016-12-29T16:45:29+01:00

that space in between...

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Décembre 2016 à 04:45 PM

Hello ! Christmas is gone now we are waiting for new year's meanwhile what do I do with that space? There are many things you and I could do but there are other things we may choose not to do. We could have fun with this amount time forget about what happen or we can sit down and talk about all the things that happened. We should be thankful, thankful that we are still living without any extreme health problem well if you think your health problem is extreme just be thankful that you are still breathing. I have so many things that I need to go over, a lot of things in my mind that I wish I could get pass but I can't. I have to face them because they are a problem. Sometimes I feel like I should know how to handle these things because I have been over them before but I keep making the same mistake over and over and again. Some people may not understand the struggle but I am not about to make any more excuses because it's a waste of time. What I need to do is focus on the changes that I need to make. We all have something that we want to change but if many people point that out well maybe you really need to change it, it's not them but it's you. It's so hard to admit where you went wrong. But you have to face your issues some day you cannot keep on running away from them. sometimes you need to take a break but at some point you will need to go back to it. No more procrastinating.

Talking to yourself saying You can do It, it's not that hard just keep at it. Speak more even when you don't feel like it. Trust some people more and express yourself let them see you, Stop hiding. Don't let the world gets to you, keep on your space but not to the point where you isolate yourself too much. What should I do? How many more voices can I hear? How many more warnings can I take? How many times I am going to mess up and ruin things again? What If I was meant to be this way. The world is one big circle and you're just in the middle of it chasing after your dreams. We all do that. Maybe some just shut these voices out but that's your conscious talking, Its telling you what you don't want to hear but have to hear. It is even worse when someone else have to tell you and it will happen if you keep ignoring all the signs.

We all have problems some may think that theirs are worse than someone else's problem but not really. You think everything is falling apart then what happens when it's time for you to die? You're not dying then how come everything is falling apart? all I can say is make the best of it and learn. Sometimes well most of the time I think that things are falling apart and I even say it but I know that I am wrong. Life is a huge circle bigger than the world. You can do whatever you want with your life but you can't do whatever you want with the world for the world can kick you out...You can choose to make the best out of your life or you can choose to let everything go.

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2016-12-26T02:54:26+01:00

Merry Christmas !

Publié par Gaelle.R 26 Décembre 2016 à 02:54 AM

I love Christmas ! I just love the songs the vibe and the decoration that's why it is my favorite part of the year. Yesterday Was my birthday on Christmas eve maybe that's why I love christmas so much. I am happy that I am older despite everything. So while it's christmas there are plenty of things I could talk about but I can't because they are private but if you are close to me you know or you will know very soon. I am wondering if maybe I am making everything that are happening up or if I am dreaming. I don't think I am it feels so real that I don't think I can see all this clearly... Anyways all I can say is everything you do in your life make sure that it won't shut the doors that were supposed to open for you. Sometimes you might think that you have to work something on the side to get what you want when in fact you didn't have to, The thing you've been waiting for was already there for you. Now you look like a fool, This is not about me well what I mean is everyone is bound to make mistakes and I will too. I made a lot of them and I am not going to hide the fact that I do because I am not perfect and you're not either. I am not acting perfect because I can never be that. I am me and that is all I can be. Truth is the reason why I am telling you this is because I am going to make a point but you know I love an intro in everything...

let me tell you a little something, If you are living right now this year, today in this world I believe you have priorities. I do and we all do. You have a family, job, school and the fun part. I realize something...If you're doing well in your job getting money and everything your relationship with your closest people will change why? because you don't have time for them. You may love them to death but because you are not there what difference does it make? Right? I mean if you're doing well with your closest people always with them and not work well you won't have enough money in other terms you might become broke. But I mean what's more important? money or the closest people that you love in your life? You can answer in your heart I already did... and I know what I must do now. I love people but if I go astray it may look like i don't appreciate you or that I don't care about you but that's not what it is... truth is I don't know how to go back the way it was. Deep down I want to go back the way it was, I still care about you and I love you the same way. Not because I am not there or hanging out with someone else that I don't like you, I still do and that will never change because I like the way it feels to be by your side laughing and having fun.

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2016-12-21T01:44:59+01:00

Trying to change the color on your mood ring.

Publié par Gaelle.R 21 Décembre 2016 à 01:44 AM

Hello I haven't been here in a while thought I should stop by... Well everything is good not great but good. I am soooo happy that my birthday is coming up, I know that some people are sad that they are getting older but I am just happy why? because I have seen a new year one that I had many adventures, fun stories, learn a lot and laugh a lot because I believe one should be laughing which is why I cannot stay serious when I need to (it's a bad habit) I mean some people laugh at funerals. I am not that bad I mean my situation is not that awful. I just love to laugh and to have fun with someone I trust and love... when I say that some people are like oh ok I get it so you don't laugh and have fun with me because you son't trust me and you don't love me NO !!! I love most people as long as you're being yourself there is mo way that I am going to hate you I just don't like people who pretend and hide their true feelings... I love honesty truly. If you are mean then be that and maybe I'll hear you out although I don't like mean people ugh ! they take pleasure in other's misfortune. I like when people are happy because that makes me happy, I love when we are all laughing and having fun because I believe that we should all be happy. If you know me or seen me before you might think that I am cold on the outside well all I can say is there is so much more it's up to you to decide how warm I can be maybe not hot as a stove but anyways I am not cold blooded (scary laugh...Maybe) Nah I am not half bad.Anyways my birthday will be here in four days and I cannot wait to grow old LOL

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2016-12-16T03:30:54+01:00

TBH

Publié par Gaelle.R 16 Décembre 2016 à 03:30 AM

Hi there ! I say hello way too much I feel like i'm walking around always answering the phone like "HELLO" LOL it was a joke guys ! the least you can do is laugh as if it was funny. I mean some of y'all have a straight face all the time and it actually scares me. I cannot deal with serious people because then I become serious and that's not good. I mean I become one of the scariest people and truly I think i'm not. I can be tho but not when I am not bothered. The reason why I am sharing this is because some of you who have met me probably think I am rude, mean, detached or whateva well I am none of these things well maybe I don't get too attached to people but I am not rude or mean because I am not around people. Some people like to be alone. I don't like it but loneliness likes me. I am not always alone but I am sometimes.

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2016-12-15T02:04:32+01:00

just to clarify.

Publié par Gaelle.R 15 Décembre 2016 à 02:04 AM

Hello ! how is everything going? for me I would just say that life is just getting at me with all of these final exams. But I have to get through them because I have big dreams and all of them require me going to school. But I am not here to talk about school how boring is that? am I right !well recently I have been writing a different way here. And so it seems, I always write like that maybe not publicly because I do not share my private/intimate works with the whole world. I am learning that I have to be able to publish them because that would be my signature code in writing. They would be my style of writing...you know. What I don't share with you guys are so much more. I am not ready to post that part of me yet. I have to wait until I get my own copyright I cannot leave my work unprotected. Anyways what I wrote a while ago. To answer some questions NO I am not in love. I like to write about love because it's such a wide topic. what I wrote is about a person and I am not in love as you would say but that person is very special. I am still who I am...nothing has changed.

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2016-12-13T03:03:15+01:00

hell of a feeling.

Publié par Gaelle.R 13 Décembre 2016 à 03:03 AM

stay right here, lay beside me. Don't turn on the light. In the dark I can see you clearly for who you are. I have enough of the light I want to see you right next me. Your shadow keep going away slowly. I want want to hold on to it but I don't know what to do if I were to catch it. It's hard to breath when you're so close. I look into your eyes and I can see the deepest part of your soul. I wanted to go away with you where the sun shine brighter, where everything is greener. I don't know such place but with you everything is right.

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2016-12-13T01:37:43+01:00

after.

Publié par Gaelle.R 13 Décembre 2016 à 01:37 AM

hello. What I wrote last night is not something that just came in my mind I was thinking about it for some time, I just didn't know how to express it. I don't know what some of you think after reading it and I am not sure I know what to think after writing it all I know is I am happy that I wrote it. I don't care about other people's opinion If I did I wouldn't post it. I just... No words. It means a lot to me. Some of you may not understand but that's okay this is not for everyone.

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2016-12-12T06:05:18+01:00

Broken soul.

Publié par Gaelle.R 12 Décembre 2016 à 06:05 AM

I see you and I know that you can see me. I wonder what I should do to make you really see me for who I am. Maybe I am still confused about the person that I am. But I know that you see something. I don't know what it is. They say tell your secrets before someone else find it and tell it for you. But even if someone else tells my secrets or I do it instead it will still be out there. They can do whatever they want with it. It's pretty much the same. They'll know my secret either way. I am willing to give you a chance because I believe that there is something there that you don't see. I don't know how many times I can keep on giving you these chances because you keep making the same mistakes that I told you you didn't need. You look me in the eye and tell me that I am right to do exactly what I told you not to do. I thought you were broken so I didn't say anything for a while. But now I know that this is the only thing you know. You only know how to be broken and you won't let me fix you. All I want is for you to be happy. Not those pretend laughs and smiles because don't forget that I see you and I know all the little things that you don't think other people see. The friends you have who you think know you because they spent so much time with you well I'll say that I know you better. It scares me to see you keep on being broken because I want to fix you. I want the best for you and you don't even know that.I don't know how to tell you because I know it won't matter to you. I am sure that you've heard this before. I am sure you heard them calling your name, over and over again. Yes I am sure you know that some people are scared for you but you don't know that I am too. I hate to be the one to save you because no matter how hard I try you still don't want to be save. I look at you I see the same eyes, the same people but I don't see the sparks that I usually see in the eyes of those people who have hope. I wish you could let it go, I hate that you've been judged for something that you are not. They see you different because you act this way, They don't know but I know. I would tell you to hush and to let me take care of it but I am afraid that you hate it when I try to take over. I know that you don't want to tell everyone. I know that you keep it a secret and I know that you keep my secret with you. I told you some things and I hope you keep it to yourself. Every time I see you I just cannot help but stare I hate to see so much wealth go to waste. I wish I wasn't the only one who really saw you. I know that they ignore you. Don't you ever wonder why I don't ? I don't know what you have running in your head but I care about you. In ways where I can identify with you. I know you push some thoughts away when you see me. You've been in my head so much that I feel like I have been in yours for some time.I feel like I live there like you live in mine. I wonder what you do when it happens? I don;t know what to do because I don't know what this is. Maybe I care to much and maybe I want to be there so bad that I force myself to stay away. Because if I were to stay it wouldn't be the way I imagined it. I am afraid to mess things up and I know that you do too. It's hard to stay focus when you have so many thoughts running around in your head. I know there are scars under your skin but who am I to say that you are the only one who has them. But yours speak to me they tell me to stay close because something better is waiting to heal your scars I wanted to be there when they heal. But I don't know If I will be there maybe I don't have to stay to see the finished product. Perhaps I am doing all this work to make it easier for someone else.I wish I could be the one to see the result but from the way that I see us going I don't think I'll be around. Maybe You don't want me around but know that I wanted to stay and help you. But I feel like you pushing me away sometimes. If you didn't and If I could only stay I would have but I have a choice here. I can't stay and let you hurt me like that. Because I want to heal you. If I am broken too then I won't be able to heal you, I would need to be healed and you would have to help me. I know that you can't help me. I have to stay strong for you. You need me more than I need you. I know that you don't think so and that's okay. I can see in your eyes that you are not sure about a thing. I am not sure either. But one thing I know for sure is that I will listen to you, I will be there whenever you need me. I am not worried about the look of other people anymore. I know that they can see something between us. I know that they are wondering what it is that we have and maybe they try to define it or put a label on it. But what we have is an infinite bound. I would go where you go and somehow I feel like you would go where I go too. Although I am not sure if you will follow me even though I am willing to follow you. But that's ok because it's part of the healing process. I know that You don't always have the positive thoughts and I know that you don't see some things the way I see them. I am not forcing you to see it my way. I am not trying to change you I already accept you for who you are.

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2016-12-11T05:39:41+01:00

Hint taken...

Publié par Gaelle.R 11 Décembre 2016 à 05:39 AM

Hello ! two days in row LOL I must be feeling some type of way. Well I don't have any announcement to make yet and I think before I make any huge updates I would check with my closest people. Truly I am sitting here contemplating life and seeing how ridiculous some people are. Some things was said and I am thinking about how stupid it was. I am so mad of how lightly people react I mean the things that I think is a big deal for me is someone "everyday life" I just hate it. I like to keep things new, fresh and certainly not light. I am sure you still don't know what I am talking about but please bare with me I am doing my best to get to the point. Well if someone were to ask someone out it should be serious right? it shouldn't be something you do everyday because you have not asked the person out yet... some people not me y'all know my situation and it is no secret I am open about it. I embrace that I am happily single and looking forward to it because let's face it I don't see any guy out there that are in fact serious. I want to think that I'll be ready some day in fact I don't know when... I am talking for the ladies who want to go out with a guy and he is being childish. He's probably not the one for you if none of you guys can bring yourselves to ask each other out am I wrong? You can tell me if I am wrong I just think most of the time we settle for the love we think we deserve that doesn't mean we truly deserve it.

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