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2017-08-31T20:33:07+02:00
why does life appear so hard?
why must I go through this?
why do I have to feel this way?
Why do I feel so alone and empty?
Why did it have to be that way?
It's so frustrating at times and no one is there...
I'm there for them but when it's me I'm alone.
why must things be so hard ?
It's so dark that I can't see what's on the other side.
2017-08-28T05:47:26+02:00
hi there,
Man when I say life is unexpected...One day you're getting somewhere and the next day you're leaving...
I can't say that I haven't learn anything ! I have learn so much about people in general that right now when things happen I actually expect them to happen. I don't rely on the past anymore I let so many things go already, right now I am growing, still learning but there's an improvement. I don't see life as hard as before yes It's hard but there are ways to overcome it. Nothing Is impossible I believe now and I know I will be exactly where I need to be. I believe that I will be with the people that I need to be it may not be what I want right now but It's what I need.
What you want is not always what you need but you can't see that because you are caught up in the moment that all you see is the now. There's not only now there's tomorrow and the day after...You just have to be patient. I know that I hate to wait and I am sure that I am not the only one but I realize that good things happen to those who wait. so it is better to wait then to rush things because it may not work out... I know what I want and I am sure you do too I mean you may not want to admit what you want out loud but deep down you know...Just know that waiting is not such a bad thing. I know that I said if you want something go get it don't wait because time is running...true time is faster than before but you shouldn't be running with the time. The time has its own purpose and you have yours...You and the time have nothing in common'. You should live your life and you should never settle you should always climb the ladder because there's more to come. I know right everyone want something that's good enough to get them by and settle...Instead of aiming for something that's just good aim for something that's great.
I realize something...I won't judge anyone from their past mistakes yes you made a mistake and I am okay with that as long as you realize that you've messed up and you learn from it... Because if you're still going down that same path I may disagree with you.. I may not support you I am all for people who are trying to grow...I will be with you 100% you wanna grow then let's grow together.Lately I have been having some thoughts about a lot of things and honestly things are only getting clearer...still blurry but I kinda see the road that I am taking...It's rocky but nothing I can't get through.
NIGHT NIGHT
2017-08-23T04:09:18+02:00
I am tired of waiting and guessing.
I am tired of asking "why is this happening to me".
I don't want to feel like this anymore I have tried many times to change things but I always end up right where I was.
I have been trying to figure out what the present has in store for me and all I've got is a decline debit card.
I have been trying to see what's on the other side but instead I found another door with a broken key.
All the things that I used to love are now forgotten and all I am left with is a continuing boredom.
I cannot hide what I have been feeling but somehow no one seem to know about it.
2017-08-23T04:03:16+02:00
I don't pretend to care when there's nothing to care about.
I don't seek attention as you may think I might, if anything I don't give a bread about it.
But you on the other hand care a lot about things but act as if you don't.
and you seek attention more than you breathe.
I won't judge because that ain't my place and it ain't my life , but I notice things.
I have seen you from afar and I've counted the miles that separates us.
You will judge me without even knowing who I am and you will try to make me feel bad about myself.
Except you won't win and with my silence you will think you've won.
But there's so much you don't know.
You don't see what is separating us because you're so caught up in looking at my every move.
You can't see what I do differently because you're only here to judge and criticize...
2017-08-20T19:27:19+02:00
Have you ever been confused ? I am not talking about being somewhere and looking around and forgetting why you went there in the place no I am talking about your whole life. I am talking about being confused about all the decisions that you have to make for yourself. I realize that growing up makes you confused and that's okay. I am very confused right now and some people may try to make me feel like i'm stupid but I'm not and I embrace that stage. I have never been this confused, my whole life I always knew what I wanted to the smallest details everything was already planned out. But now I am faced with some situations that I never thought I'd be in and to tell you I don't know what to say or how to handle some of it maybe I do know how but sometimes it takes longer for me to realize. I think I just need to take some time to think even tho I never take that time...
I am not acting without thinking, I am exploring.
2017-08-18T15:05:51+02:00
Morning ,
I have been MIA on here because I am moving soon and I have to get all the things ready, It takes a while. But you know I won't forget about my blog ever so here I am again about to discuss another topic with a unnecessary long intro... I mean let's talk about this summer is it just me or why does it feel like the days are running like they're in a race or something. It was nearly Monday and now it's already Friday ! I don't worry about having a long day anymore because the hours just flew by. I don't see where the summer went, in a couple of weeks I am going back to school... Like what just happened ?! I love summer in all but I didn't have much time to enjoy it because I have been so busy with classes,work... ugh... I don't have time at all.
well enough about the time and the shortest summer I have ever seen. Let's talk about change. Me personally I claim that I don't like changes yet I always do something different each time. I hate doing the same thing or going to the same place. I like some routine like my shower times can't really make a routine for bedtime when you're going to med school I just go with the flow when it comes to sleeping. I am talking about changes in yourself, changes you never thought you will make with your appearance for example... Like right now I have blond extension the me that I used to know would never do that she would stick to black nothing else but the me that I am now wants to explore and see what can I do next that I haven't done. I was never like that. I used to have a routine for everything my hair, my clothes and the way I do a lot of things. But now I say who needs a routine when time just flying by ? just be bold ! be you and be authentic in the process. Never let someone tell you what's best for you make decisions for yourself that is the only way you will grow otherwise people will make decisions for you and that's that. What I realize is the we all need change once in a while because we need more of what's out there. You need to get out of your comfort zone to experience new things otherwise you will always go through to what you always go through. I am not talking about taking risks for fun that is not what I mean... taking some risks is good but you don't wanna become reckless it's all about balance and knowing when and when not to do certain things. I think your level of maturity will determine how you make your decisions.... But trust me changes are good !
2017-08-14T04:49:15+02:00
What I call a "situationship" is being out of the friend zone yet no one is claiming the other or it's just one way ...and now they both just chillin or one of them want to go the next step and the other one is just not ready. Often I would hear from a girl "he's my man but not my man" like what are you saying? I thought it was stupid until I was in that same position, I have been there and I was confused I didn't know what the other person wanted from me. But I learn which is why I am happy to share some things with you.
At first you meet someone and you start having thoughts, feelings for that person and you never made the move but you would still flirt with that person. You don't want that person to go away you want them to stick around but you don't want to be with them, you just like having them there. I went there and let me tell you that feeling will eat your mind, it is not healthy to do that. If you're not trying to be with someone then don't give them hope I am not saying encourage them and then let them go NO you will break their heart. I am saying if since the beginning you knew you didn't want anything to do with that person then there is no need to make that person believe that someday you will claim them. Being in a situationship is easy because you're not really with the person but you still have the person so technically you're single but you do what couples do with that person. It's confusing because you don't even know if you want the person or not you just want them to stay.
One thing I can tell you if he's/she not ready to make you his/her priority you need to do what you gotta do because you deserve better. you may be wifey material but because you letting him eat your cake and having it then it doesn't matter anymore...you let him have everything before he even got you so now he don't even need to chase you because you gave him everything. If you really want that person that you are willing to stick around for that one person I suggest you take some time to yourself and think things over... maybe it's a sign that he/she is not for you if they don't make any effort to be with you. They don't even make time to talk to you except on social media then that means he/she only hit you up when they are bored or when they need to check up to see if you will still reply...you just look like a fool. They don't even take you out talking about they are busy well make time ! Why can't they make time for you and what's worse you would make time for them but they won't make time for you... Girl let him go. Believe me when a girl or a guy want to be with you they will do whatever they need to do to get you so stop making excuses for them saying that's how they are, she/he would never do that. They should do that and more because you deserve to be treated the right way. The problem is we need to recognize our worth so we don't settle for just anything...you deserve a lot more.
put that in your mind...
2017-08-13T00:15:28+02:00
Hello,
It's been a while that I have been wanting to come here to let some of my frustrations out but I had too much emotions flowing inside of me so I stayed to myself not wanting to get it a out the wrong way. Not that there is a right way to let something that's eating you inside out but me being myself I always think about the right way to do things even when It doesn't apply. Recently I've gotten a news about a member in my family someone who is like my father...and it kills me inside to know that he is going through that. The fact that he is trying to be strong and not letting other people in the family know about it simply because he doesn't want to make them worry about him. He didn't tell me about his condition, someone else told me and when the person did I was crushed. Knowing that his health condition is really bad besides old age had me thinking about how unfair life is. I love him so much and he was always good to me, I cannot believe that all of this is happening to him. The fact that I am not near him and that I barely talk to him kills me. When he talks to me I believe I sounded like I don't really care but really I am dying inside knowing a secret that he would never tell me. I pretend like everything is like before but I know everything and I know that things will never go back to the way they were. Not now and not soon enough. I miss being a kid, not caring about all the things that I worry about now. All I worry about when I was a kid was food, being with my mom because I am terribly attached to her, my dolls...basically but now I have to worry about school, work, providing food for myself because I am the one responsible for myself, providing all the necessary things a girl needs because I work to take care of myself no one else is helping me. They can help me... I am not alone if I need help I will get it but I don't like asking so I work hard I like getting my own stuff. When I was talking about being independent That's what I was talking about working hard to provide for yourself. I take care of all my bills, I pay for my classes (not all of them ) I pay for all the things I own and I am proud to say all that. No one is giving me anything which is why I have to work so hard. So the next time you see me tired, almost depressed just know that I am going through a lot right now. And I work hard to be where I am... I have to start somewhere.
Soon enough I will move out well more like in 2 weeks and I'll be officially on my own. Technically I am on my own but because I don't pay for where I sleep so that was one less bill but now I am going to be paying for rent so that's one more bill. I am thinking about all this...Family problems, me moving on my own... Then I started to see how growing up doesn't really take much. Everything happens when you're ready. Not too long ago I was a kid and I didn't have to worry about a thing except for my grades that was when I was in high school. Now being a college student I am thinking about a career possibility It's a lot of work and I don't mind the work but I would rather do something I am passionate about or know about rather then learning about a totally new subject. I love writing I just wish it was easy to be successful without going to college...I love learning but college is way too much and It cost a lot of money for me to screw things up. Just thinking about all that...
2017-08-12T15:34:16+02:00
It's been a while, I am still here.
I have not gone away yet but soon I will.
I am going to leave for some time and I may not come back.
I may stay where I am going even though I will miss you terribly.
But being near you and not being able to do anything I'd rather leave because it's eating me inside.
You will never know how much I wish It was not like this.
All the things that I want to say that I am not able to tell you simply because It wouldn't be the right thing.
I want all the wrong things...
when you walk away then I feel the need to walk away too.
when you look away not wanting to catch my reaction then I will do the same.
I will not give what I cannot receive.
2017-08-09T01:49:41+02:00
Hello it's been a while,
I am writing this from my work computer and somehow I feel uncomfortable because I love my personal computer better. Here we go so today I was thinking about all the risk I have taken so far and yet I know they are nothing from what I would have to face in the future. All I know is I am not going to wait for anything, anyone to make my life better. Like Obama said I am the change I have been waiting for therefore I will go out of my comfort zone to make things happen.Life is not easy and it is not getting easier if anything It's getting harder every single day that goes by.
Be bold now, take your chance...go out and live your life because you won't be here for long. I am realizing this more and more and slowly I am fitting this theory in my life.
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