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My walk with God.
It is never a straight line when you are trying to please God because the devil is always there to pull you away. In my case, because I have been going through a very difficult time with my fathers passing; the devil has been trying every trick in the book to break my relationship with Jehovah. Whether it’s by negative thoughts, financial burdens, friendship breakup, dating issues … all of those problems are there to make me stop worshiping God and to distract my mind.
I realize the more I focus on myself and on my problems the more my faith diminish! When I snap out of it and say “okay a lot of people are going through the same things that I am going through! I can still push myself because it’s not the end of the world” I have to push myself daily! Getting out of bed Is hard! Praying is hard! Reading the Bible is hard, preparing my meeting is hard but I have to push myself every time. My heart is telling me to stay home, to turn off my phone and to not go out to meet with my brothers and sisters because the devil knows the further away I am from my religious family the better it is for him to grab me.
I am not strong! I break everyday and at times I just need a hug. I find myself asking my friends for hugs now because I just want to be held. The pain is just sooooo heavy in my heart! I feel so alone and soooo sad. I am writing this and I am crying. At times I feel like I should be doing way more for Jehovah ! I should be a pioneer but I am soooo sad that going out in field service is a big task! But I have to push myself. I have to be strong. At the same time I miss my mom and she is going through so much in a country that is not safe for her. My grandmother is sick! I feel abandoned! All I have is my cats, they are keeping me alive. Jehovah has been a warm embrace and the father I needed in this difficult time. I am never alone, Jehovah is always with me.
It’s easy for anyone to tell me snap out of it ! Everything is not about you and you’re right but I only know my life I don’t know anyone else’s. I have my problems to deal with and I am doing my best if you can’t be a supportive friend then we don’t have to talk. All I need is a hug and a listening ear; I don’t need money and I don’t need presence I just want to feel less alone.
