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2017-12-31T12:55:54+01:00
I felt that Void,
I try to look away but my eyes wouldn't let me.
Instead I stood there looking at you.
The view was pleasant but my thoughts were telling me I was doing something wrong.
I could not stop looking.
I knew it would cost me a full night of sleep.
I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep that night.
2017-12-19T05:20:02+01:00
Hey there !
It's been a while since I have been gone. I have been neglecting some of my faithful readers, I am sorry guys I have been so busy with my birthday preparation. I am a perfectionist to the point where I want everything to go exactly exactly how I plan it. It's hard because you don't always get what you want but I work hard to get what I want because I hate being disappointed and I hate to think that I could've tried harder. I love to work hard as much as I can. Enough about me and my work ethics let's talk about something more serious.
have you heard "it's not you it's me" maybe someone said that to you or maybe you said it to someone. sometimes you may even think that it's not the person but it's you. You may be thinking that it's not his fault that it can't work out and that it is your fault that you are not able to fall in love with him. Truth is it's no one fault that you can't fall in love with someone. It simply means that this person is not the one for you, don't even think that It's your fault that someone hasn't fallen in love with you because everyone has their own size you just haven't find yours. when you do (smile) you will be so happy, that person will be the one you would never imagine. That person will fulfill your need because that human being is "your size"
It's true that I am more open to the idea of love. I believe anyone can find it ... Maybe I have been bitter in the past. Who hasn't? I am learning and I am happy for all of the things that I have learn. My last poem was about unrequited love some of you may wonder what's going on in my world. well to be honest nothing hurtful, I am not going through what I wrote in my poem right now but I did at some point. It's been a while and I learn from it. I am not going to hide the pain and the hurt that I felt when I was going through it. I couldn't talk about it with anyone simply because I thought no one would understand but it was my mistake to think that because a lot of people were there at the time I just couldn't reach out and so I hold it in and explode to the point where some part of me broke. I have found myself back and I am no longer hurting like I said in my poem... we all take a few hits it's how we learn from them that matters. I mean I am about to be 21 on sunday omg !! I am so excited....
2017-12-12T05:52:28+01:00
I gave it my all.
I stayed when there was nothing left.
I made myself imagine all of the wonderful things that you weren't.
I made myself believe that you were good for me.
Moving on was never an option.
The presence above had pity on me and slowly I started letting you go.
It was unbelievable because you were so close and I wanted to move away from you.
You stared into my eyes and my heart would no longer beat faster.
Mesmerized I started to think something was wrong.
The things you would say to me would no longer keep me awake at night.
I would sleep like a newborn without dreaming of you.
I would wake up and eat without wondering about you and if you ate already.
I simply did not care anymore.
It all happened so fast that I could not believe it.
I would ask myself how did I get to this point and I wouldn't know.
I simply feel free. Once again. Without you.
Do I miss you ?
No and never again will I ever miss you.
You've lost a good one with your stupidity.
Acting like you did not care to show your friends that I was the one chasing you.
I could never chase you because deep down I knew you weren't worth the run. so I would walk.
You would act like I loved you and that you weren't in love with me.
what you did not understand is that I never fell in love with you.
I was stuck loving the idea of you. A better you. The you that You will never be.
saying you're a savage when you feel lonely as hell and you wish you had someone by your side.
moving slowly I started thinking and I would see how dumb I must be to be waiting around for you.
I am not that same girl anymore.
I felt like a fool but no more.
I told you how I felt and this is how I knew I had to let you go because you had nothing to say to me.
I don't give too many chances when my heart is on the line.
I stayed but now I'm gone.
ciao~
2017-12-09T23:27:29+01:00
why can I be who I want to be all on my own?
why do I need you so much ?
why do I mess up so much ?
Is it me or is it you ?
why did you let me go back when we were both young and innocent?
what happened? and why do I feel like I can't do it anymore?
why am I shivering when it's not even cold.
why the year pass by so quick?
where are we going?
why do I feel like we're in a race with the time?
why am I so scared to lose you when you've let me down so much?
why do you look like an angel in my eyes when I know about all the bad things you've done.
2017-12-09T17:36:01+01:00
hey there,
I realize something which is in order for me to get started on anything intellectually like my homework or studying I need to start by writing something here or in my journal it's like an appetizer for my brain. I love to get a warm up before anything that I am doing maybe it is a form of procrastinating but who cares we all have our own ways and this is mine. I love to do pre-work out session before I get into the hard part it's good because I won't feel too sore.
It's almost Christmas which means that it is almost my birthday now I am down to the last weeks of being 20 years old. You all have seen when I first started this blog , I was 17 and I was still in high school. Now I am 20 and I am in college. You all have watched me grow and perhaps seen the change in me I am glad to be here and to be able to grow with this blog. I hope that I've helped someone with my ideas, opinions, advice and stories. I may not be the right person to tell you exactly what to do all I can give you is an advice or share my opinions I am not allow to guide your life and I shouldn't be.
I have come a long way with this blog, when I first had it I was speaking English for about a year. My English wasn't great but I would still write and I wasn't afraid to make mistake because I knew that's how I would be able to learn. My school teacher would read my short stories although they had many errors but you could still see what I was talking about and she would felicitate me and her genuine compliment would make me keep on going. It's because of my ELL teacher that I believe that I could be a writer. She taught me how to speak English properly and she believed in me I am so happy that I met a soul like her. She was the nicest and the sweetest.
2017-12-07T06:36:18+01:00
hey there,
It's been a while and I feel like I've let some of you down but truly I haven't I've been really busy and a lot of things are currently happening. Life moves so fast I mean" time" that's what I mean when I say life...I see life as time. It goes by so quick you can barely catch it. I am so busy that I barely write, I do write because that's what I like and it's a huge part of my life but at the same time I feel like I don't take time to write like before. I used to write out of my misery not that I am no longer sad but I am happier than I ever been even though I get sad but it's not that deep anymore and when I do I try to resolve the problem instead of overthinking and writing until my tears drown the ink on the paper...I feel like we grow better when we face our problems and see what needs to be done. Instead of sitting and crying think about ways that you can make your situation better. Now I hate hearing excuses from people as much as I hate to come up with excuses on my own to justify my action I hate when people are coming up with excuses on their own to explain what they've done. I realize that it is okay to make mistakes the best thing you can do is accept that you did something wrong and learn from it. I wasn't born to be perfect or normal and I don't think I can never be one of this things, besides my wandering mind would never allow it. I am no longer the same and I feel like each day that goes by I become someone new. Hopefully I get to a better me because I don't think that this is the best that I can be there is more steps to take, more decisions to make and more life to live. My birthday is arriving and I am so excited to turn 21 I am finally growing up and I love who I am becoming and I hope to get to a better me.
A lot of things have changed. I still have the same passion for writing that would never change but my mindset have changed and some of the things that I've stayed away from doesn't seem to be a threat to me anymore if anything they helped me grow. It's midnight and I am suppose to be going to bed soon but I got way too much to do. what's sleep ? I don't know what it is...
have a great day,
love y'all.
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