Publié depuis Eklablog

Mourning 

There’s no right way to mourn a loved one, when my dad passed away I didn’t cry at first. Even when I saw his body I still didn’t cry, I actually went home and got ready to go to a meeting. I am not sure if I was mentally at that meeting, I could have told people my dad just died but I didn’t want to. I couldn’t believe that my dad was gone. I wanted everything to be normal ! I wanted to control everything! 

After I came back from the meeting and I sat there in the dark. I just wouldn’t stop crying! I felt so alone but I wanted to be alone! I didn’t want anyone to show me any sympathy because I don’t think I deserve it. I don’t know how to face my emotions or how to feel. When I laugh I feel guilty because I am supposed to be sad but deep inside I do feel broken and I just want my mom. I don’t want any strangers in my business, I have my cats here with me and they’ve been total sweethearts, pixie never left my side especially when I am crying he stays with me until I fall asleep. I am not sure how to let other people help me! I don’t want it. I just want to be left alone with my pain. I am grieving the loss of my dad and honestly I am not sure how to feel… his passing has shown me what’s really important! I am no longer forcing people to be there for me or to even love me. I am enough and my dad loved me more than any man ever could, I knew he did. 

I miss you so much daddy. 

Sincerely your little princess.