Publié depuis Eklablog

That time I questioned my sexuality.

This is a very personal topic and it may be triggering for some but this is just my story… 

If someone is struggling with this I hope this helps. 

When I was 19, I was in college and I used to spend a lot of time on social media. I came across a video of a very pretty girl and she was Latina; I proceeded to watch all of her videos and by the end of it I realize she was in fact gay. I loved her voice, her face and everything about her. I was infatuated with her and if I did know her in real life I would probably say yes to dating her. My view on what is right was misconstrued by the world views on things, I ultimately thought it was okay for me to have a crush on a girl. She was my first girl crush, I can’t find her on social media anymore … but the last time I saw her she was dating a guy ( good for her). My views on dating has changed, but at the time I thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t want to be gay. I would feel so offended when someone would say wow you look like a lesbian because my style was preppy, I was super skinny and I never talked about men like that. 

I felt ashamed of myself because I wasn’t sure if I like girls too. I knew I like men because all my crushes up to that point were boys. Being a girl and having a crush on a girl is not something shameful but it is wrong ( I am not judging anyone this just my own beliefs) I just want to say me and my best friend were really close but I never see her that way she was my sister and I loved her as my sister. Having a crush on that girl was a mistake because she made it okay to be a lesbian and she was the first girl I saw online parading her sexuality like that. She was also very beautiful! And I thought wow she’s super pretty. I don’t have crushes on girls anymore she was the only one and it was intense! I used to message her and sometime she would respond. She was actually really sweet, I told her about how I felt and she told me it was okay ( actually no!) to move on from her I had to block her and pray a lot. I did move on like nothing happened and If I see her today I would just see her like a normal girl. Social media is the devils advocate, our children are exposed to gender classification where a child can choose to change their pronouns daily and expect to be seen as such! Social media is ruining the minds of our new generation. 

A transgender committed a crime recently but the police can’t disclose the suspect gender because they can’t tell! Even though they collected semen evidence! So this is a man! A man’s reproductive body parts produce semen! Why can’t the police department say “man” so that the public can identify the suspect quicker but no! They are trying to save face. I know, they know and we all know that the suspect is a man then why sugarcoat it ?! 

Now I was never a bisexual I never imagine myself with a woman except that girl because she was sooo persuasive and I actually believed that maybe it was okay to be with a girl. Ugh…. How sad!

If I have a child and they are having confusion like I did, I won’t judge them because this is a very delicate matter. I want my child to feel safe to tell me everything because that’s how my mommy raised me and I always felt understood when I go to her with my issues. I want my child to feel understood and cared for.