Publié depuis Eklablog

Relationships advice and my thoughts on some things.  

• Is long distance worth it?

I think it depends on the people in the relationship and how well they are able to communicate. If the couple struggle to communicate then it will not work because that’s all they have! If there’s no plan in place to meet up or to eventually live together then what’s the point? Me personally I won’t move in with anyone unless we’re married but whatever floats your boat. My last almost relationship was long distance but he would visit me a lot and we would spend a lot of times together but when we were apart our communication style sucks! I loved being with him but talking on the phone was whack! That showed me it’s not going to work but then again I have an avoidant attachment style if you don’t reach out, you won’t hear from me even though I think about you from time to time I will avoid contacting you. I will get into the attachment styles later. 

Back to the question, if the couple spend a lot of time talking on the phone and on face time that will help them get to know each other better but they will need to spend time together physically at some point to see how compatible they are. It will work if both people want to make it work otherwise you can’t force anything. 

• Does attachment styles matter?

Yes! This is extremely important. You need to identify with your attachment style before you can be serious with anyone. There are a lot of books and articles online that can help you with this. When I was a teenager I had an anxious attachment style which is why my first relationship did not last! It lasted a week. I would call him everyday ! And I would text him constantly because I was seeking that validation from him. I think that first relationship messed me up because after that I never tried in any of my relationships. I was deeply hurt and therapy did helped me with this. I am always afraid of intimacy or to open up to anyone which is why I have an avoidant attachment style, I am working to get to a secure attachment style. I can never date someone who has anxious attachment style because I will break his heart! If he’s too clingy I always ask him to block me. Because I won’t give him what he needs! I can already tell. It sucks! It’s painful to not being able to let myself be with anyone but I am working on that part of myself. The goal is to get to a secure attachment style, where you are comfortable with intimacy, not afraid to let people in, not afraid to express your love and affection. People often think having an avoidant attachment style makes you heartless but that couldn’t be further from the trust  if anything you’re so hurt that you are afraid of being even more hurt so you block everything out!  We love deeply so much that it scares us! We take commitment very seriously which is why we aren’t so quit to put labels on things without being sure. 

( that’s all for now)