checking in

hey guys, how are you all?

I'm doing much better than I did last week. I've been going through some things quietly and it's almost as if It's not happening, but that is just me. I take things as they are and at times I don't talk about them. I have been meaning to write about it here but I was just not ready because emotionally I was a wreck and I needed to get myself together before I let it out even though it's noticeable.

I have been struggling with acne and scars on my face. I don't think any woman should ever have  to go through that because your face is extremely important and it's the first thing that people see especially when you're a woman. Some people cannot see it because we have meetings, classes on zoom so it's not as revealing which I thank God for that because if I would have to show up in person I would simply just die.

I have always been serious about my face and skincare routine, I've spent so much money trying to get my skin cleared up but it was just not happening. What is happening to me cannot be cured with just a simple skincare routine. I had to go see my primary care doctor and a dermatologist they both prescribed me medication that I should try. I remember waking up one morning and I was just horrified I could not look at myself in the mirror and I was a mess. I was crying, I am still trying to recover and to stay strong. This issue has taken a toll on my self-confidence and just everything that I used to rely on. My face used to be one of my favorite things on my body so now I am literally feeling as if my face is not good anymore... I always say mental health is important but don't beat yourself over it if being strong is not something you can do,  I had multiple nervous break down last week. My mom has been the best friend I needed she helped me to stay strong, she uplifted me. I realize one thing you will not always be strong and that's fine but make sure you have great friends you can reach out to. It's okay to cry when things are overwhelming. 

I think because I am or rather I look like I am handling everything well with my calm demeanor people just assume that I'm good and that my situation is not that bad; it is that bad! it's actually worse than you can possibly imagine. Aside from battling with this acne, I am doing good actually it's very weird that I crave to be alone. I just don't want to be around people at the moment and it's good that I can blame it all on the pandemic.