explanation?

Hi there,

So my blog took a whole new level... recently I wrote a poem called "confession of a mistreated woman, wife, girlfriend and a girl in process" and It's about loving someone who is somewhat abusive and some of you may wonder where that came from. If you really know me then you would probably be shocked that I wrote something like that I admit that I don't know how to express my feelings well when I am speaking...I write that's my talent well at least I like to think of it that way I don't care what other people think... So basically my poem came from a place that I never thought I had so is all the things I wrote through inspiration, maybe it was because of a song I am not sure. I have never been with someone who was abusive at least I wasn't in a relationship with anyone like that... I met some people who were like that but we were not involved in anything I would hear things, see things and that day when I wrote the poem  all of the things I heard,see came to mind. It was painful to write about it and I can never read it out loud. Some people would ask me to read my poems out loud which is the best part as anyone would think because I wrote it but I can't read it. I am not ready to read some of my work out loud to people and I would decline the offer so this is why... First of all I would read it to myself as I write but it's not the same thing reading it to someone else.

Reason why I can't read some of my work is only because it's too personal and it would sound familiar and I am going to sound like I am going through what I wrote. Some people don't know how my mind works and they might take what I wrote to the extreme and I am not going to freak out because I love a reaction. It would be boring if the person just hear me and be like "oh ok that was nice " No I want you to look at me and wonder who is this girl ? what happen to the girl I used to know because when I write I am not the same as long as you understand the difference between "my writing self and speaking self" we are good.  Reasons why my poems are not the happiest  kind they come from a dark place a place that I am always trying to escape from so why would read out loud and live the same thing I am trying to run away from over again. Even If I was not going through it I am just not ready to take it this far yet maybe one day I will be comfortable but for now...

So as of now I am going to include some story time here where I am going to talk about something in my life...It might not be that interesting but it's an experiment for me and I need to explore that side for now... I hope you all are having a great summer. Mine is not the way I imagined but I am happy... 

have a good night...