freedom.

I just finish watching the documentary of Britney Spears :"Britney vs spears" on Netflix and normally I don't watch those types of documentaries but she is a human being and oddly enough I find myself in her story. I kind of relate to some of the things she's been through but her conservatory lasted for 13 years which is awful because not being able to make decision for yourself for that long can make you wonder if you can even start deciding for yourself when you're free...

Growing up my mom has always been the only person I ever trusted and she is still the only one. People have deceived me, let me down, criticized me (not that I cared), had their own opinions about me but I never said anything because I always believe that actions speak louder than words therefore I chose to let my actions speak for me. I am very private and even on this blog I never write about sensitive matters because it's my life... I've had this blog since I was 16 and at the time it was the only thing that belonged to me 100%. I've always felt like I wasn't living life freely in my late teens... which is why I relate to Britney. I couldn't be my own person or even express myself as I wanted to and even on this blog I repressed myself because in real life I felt like I couldn't speak up. During those times I didn't have a journal, I wouldn't write my thoughts or my true feelings down because I know someone would read it. I didn't feel secure nor safe and perhaps that's why I don't trust anyone besides my mother. I wasn't allowed to have a phone and I didn't have the liberty to talk to my mom as much as I wanted to; I needed my mother the most but there was nothing I could do. I am not going into details about what happened to me but just know that I was traumatized and I didn't feel free. It took me a long time to find myself after that experience. 

Freedom is really important especially when you are growing up, you need to have a voice and the freedom to express yourself. As a child I admit that I needed structure but that wasn't necessary, to this day I cannot tell anyone what happened exactly because It was so traumatizing that I deliberately chose to forget all about it... and I chose to live my life peacefully.