love?

" I grew up watching music videos and movies about how love is full of heartache which then made me believed that love is pain. Those representation of what love is, made me see love in a whole new way as I started to feel that if I were to fall in love it would hurt me way more than the person who says that they are in love with me but sadly all I ever experienced has been unrequited love which then made me avoid love like the plague. Was I ever in love those 2 times? or was it just infatuation? I remember being curled up on my bed crying at 13 which was the last time I ever felt something remotely close to love... is love really pain or was I misinformed? why am I not excited to be in love? why has society made toxic love seems so exciting? the poet in me is crying because of the lack of authenticity and the absence of the proper intensity of love. My love is so strong that it's almost magical, it consumes me and make me want to write poetry all day while I stare at the stars wishing I was up there too..."