struggles

The year 2020-2021 was a complete blur for me and I made many bad decisions that were detrimental for my health. I will be very transparent with my journey and hopefully this can help anyone who's struggling with the same issues that I had.

The pandemic took a huge toll on me and not seeing the same people I normally see often made me feel really isolated, I did not know how to deal with it all. At first I turn to alcohol to help lessen the pain of feeling alienated which was incredibly stupid, I started drinking to escape which is never a good idea. Anything that you lean on that is not God in order to escape reality is never good for you, but thank God I came to my senses and threw out all of the alcohol drinks in the fridge so that I could get better. I have never been this transparent about this before because I was ashamed of it for quite a while, but being ashamed of your situation is not going to change it unless you take actions. I no longer feel remorseful about this because this is not my reality anymore but maybe this can help someone to know that you are not alone.

After realizing that I had a drinking problem at the beginning of 2020 right at the height of covid I took a step back and re-evaluate my options so I leaned on to food to make me feel better. Let me just say that I would not stop eating! I could sit down and kept eating for the whole entire day, take a nap and wake up just to eat again. I didn't think I had a problem because people were telling me that it is good for me to eat because I was incredibly slim so for them it made complete sense that I was eating this much, they couldn't be any more wrong. I didn't know I had a problem because all 2020 all I did was eat and look for ways to eat even more, then came 2021 I had a huge break out on my face which resulted in me dealing with cystic acne. I had never dealt with acne in the past, this was so new to me and I felt so hideous. so I ate some more, I didn't realize that my diet contributed to my acne if anything I thought it was because I was stressed. I was stressed out of my mind but I was living in haze for a while that I didn't realize... here's what I did:

1 wake up: eat

2. shower: go to work

3 work: eat at lunch

4. came home: shower

5. eat: do some spiritual things

6. watch: cartoons loudly: eat some more: fall asleep

and repeat

I felt like my days were a never ending cycle, there was no excitement and I wasn't looking forward to anything. I cut contacts with every single person I knew, it wasn't because I hated them but only because I hated my life and I hated everything. It took me a while to work through this and with prayers, I finally feel rejuvenated.

Having a binge-eating disorder is just as bad as having an eating disorder... they are both detrimental for your health. One thing that has helped me is creating new goals for myself and having a meal plan truly helps. Creating a meal plan that fits my health journey has helped me to lose weight and to maintain my health. I am not ashamed of any of this because those things made me stronger. I will write another article about this but for now this is all that I can say.