weight

trigger warning discussing eating disorder. 

I have a very toxic relationship with food, I either binge eat, or I eat way less than I should. Lately nothing tastes good in my mouth, once in a while I will find something I like but then I get bored of it. I lost 10 pounds in less than 2 weeks; I know I should be concern but I do want to lose weight and I am happy that it's happening even though it's happening drastically but hey at least I am shedding pounds in unwanted places especially in my belly area. People usually tells me that it is healthy weight and that I shouldn't worry but I worry about everything!

I want a flat belly and that is my number one goal, before I gained all the weight people use to make fun of my size even my crushes use to say I looked too small or that I look like a little boy. I think I looked super cute and petite; I am still petite but with a little weight lol. I am not mad about my size but for a while I used to be depressed and I did touch on that here. In 2021, I was extremely depressed, and I hid from everyone. My face was so chunky, and I used to cry daily, I did not feel beautiful but somehow by the grace of God I lost all the weight; I did work out as well as changing my diet but for some people it takes years for them to finally see results, but I saw results almost instantly. I did pray to Jehovah daily. That's why I say if you want something really bad just ask God for it because he is listening to you, he may not answer you right away, but he will answer in due time.

Now to all the people who were making fun of me when I was skinny, I hope you know how much that affected to me to the point that I even hated the way that I looked because deep down I wanted to look like those girls on Instagram, but now I don't care anymore as long as I feel beautiful that is all that matters.   I don't care about your opinion of me anymore and I hope you stay away from me with all of that negativity.