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2025-11-02T19:45:30+01:00
“He’s using you” they said not knowing I want to do the same deprave things he wants. He didn’t have to persuade me at all, if anything at times I feel as though I am using him. I wouldn’t pass an opportunity to get him naked and he wouldn’t either. I guess we’re both using each other. He wants nothing more and I want nothing less than what he’s offering.
2025-11-01T23:20:02+01:00
I changed my mind about a piercing I was going to get.
I find meaning when I hang out with people who stimulate my mind, people I can have deep and life changing conversations with.
My greatest challenge always been my inability to open to people, to let my guard down. I can hang out with people for years and they don’t know much about me. I realize I could be good friends with someone and they have no idea what my life is like, for example you could be my friend and suddenly one day you’re finding out for the first time that I have been taking piano lessons every Friday night for the past 3 months lol. I don’t think I overcome my inability to open up to people, I am still working on it. If I am able to be myself around you, just know you are special!
Lifting heavy weights
The bell jar by Sylvia Plath (after I read that book it took me a few days to feel okay) one movie that changed my view on love and family is atonement (I cried for days after that movie, I can’t watch it again)
With uncertainty I journal my thoughts down until I can come up with an explanation for my situation and to process it. For stress I run, lift weights, and pray until I feel better. One time I prayed for 6 hours straight! I was in agony, pain, shame and I just couldn’t take it without Jehovah’s help.
Being able to work out, my mom, my cats, my job.
Napping, eating, cooking, reading, watching movies, playing video games, watching football, playing with my cats
2025-11-01T22:34:41+01:00
I am taking another rest day. Today would have been leg day but I can’t do that to my body, I am not fully healed. I am still congested although I cough less but I am still coughing here and there. I do feel weak a little bit, I am eating well. I just need to keep hydrating myself, drink tea, continue to take meds… I want to come back strong and healthy.
I realize the more I put my body through stress the more I delay my recovery. When you lift weights you put stress on your cardiovascular system and I am already not able to breathe under too much stress due to my nasal congestion. I feel sad but I have to rest. I want to cry because I would’ve been in the gym right now but that’s okay I’ll be back stronger next week. I am watching the real Madrid’s game and Mbappé already scored twice I want him to get a hat trick this game if he scores a third one. But he just got a yellow card so the coach will take him off soon :(
Ugh I hate being sick.
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