freestyle

This is everything I have been thinking those past few days and probably months. Some of my thoughts are weird and hard to comprehend so I always have to either write them down to make sense of it or just ignore them. During my luteal phase I have a lot of depressive thoughts but as soon as I am out of it I am back to being happy, carefree and independent. I hate the luteal phase! thank God it's over; all last week I was going through it and now I am back to normal. 

• I cannot imagine me being in a relationship because all of my life I've always been single, what if I go on a date that actually matters! all the dates I have been on I knew he wasn't the one but I went because I was bored or because I wanted free food lol especially if he made the reservation at a place that I think I will like then I will go. But what if I go on a date and I find out Gosh he is the one I want! then what? now I have someone to talk to? do I call him or does he call? what If I want alone time? ugh what if he's clingy or worse what if I become clingy and he's ignoring me!!!! gosh I love being alone so much I don't know how I will process being with someone. I will have to rewire my brain and change my way of thinking because I have been alone for a long time, and I am used to it.
• I hate those old school rnb that only sing about desperate love, ugh they give me a headache... why does it always have to be a sad love song? why can't she just be happy in a loving relationship well I guess that's boring and less drama. Those heartbreak love song drive me over the edge, I want to tell them to cut it out and just move on. There's not only one person, you can in fact fall in love again. I don't know everything is straight forward with me it's either I love you or I don't, it's either we're together or we're just friends. i don't believe in situationships or in between love... I don't have time to overthink it. If I have to overthink, I will choose to move on because it's not clear enough.