confession

" When I was small I wanted to be big; when I finally got bigger I begin to realize that being small was actually my calling."

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to gain weight but it was never that easy. I realized that I was going to stay small unless I find something to change that...so I made it a mission to find something that could change my anatomical shape and size. Years later, I had finally found something that works but the side effects could potentially put my health in great danger; did I care that I could mess up my health? Nope, not really I just wanted to gain weight and I did; when that happened I was blinded by temporary happiness and I couldn't see just how far gone I was in the pursuit of that fleeting appearance that I care so much about.

Was I stupid for going against nature? yes, I think that it was a bad decision but when I started I didn't think it was. I thought I was doing a good thing but really I was destroying myself bits by bits. When I finally realize what I had done I begin to take a step back and I begin to see how much damage that I've done to my own self. Why must I always sabotage a good thing? why didn't I think that I was enough? In the midst of it all, I crave the stability and the routine I used to have knowning exactly what fits and what doesn't. I am slowly going back to my regular ways and I am not caring about what other people think that I should do or look like anymore. I will look and sound exactly how I want to be and the world can change its mind. I am no longer changing myself to the detriment of my health for the approval of others.