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2024-02-04T03:54:44+01:00
Archives
2024-02-03T02:51:17+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Kitbull.
This a Disney animation that shows the friendship between a stray black kitten and a pit bull. I discovered it today and when I watched it I could not stop crying!
The way some people treat animals break my heart, that pit bull was a total sweetheart! But the owner put him in dog fighting and that stray kitten probably got away from its mother or was abandoned. I know this is just cartoon but I’ve seen stray animals in the streets and I always feed them treats when I see them. There’s this cute black cat that always visits me and I love her but she’s pregnant ;( I can’t keep her I already have 3 cats but if it’s raining and I see her I will bring her inside. Every time I see her I feed her, I even buy extra food just for her. I thought she was a boy at first but I recently discovered that she’s pregnant and she’s the sweetest :) she was just outside my door meowing. It’s a cold night I am so tempted to bring her inside in my warm apartment. I just love animals so much not only cats but dogs even squirrels ! There’s a beautiful squirrel that loves French fries and sometimes I buy fries and leave them near the trash for him. He is so cute ;) animals make me happy especially right now, I need it.
2024-02-03T01:19:54+01:00
2024-02-02T17:38:13+01:00
2024-02-02T13:45:47+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Pain.
I don’t talk to anyone besides family and my coworkers who are extremely nice. I had to tell them when I left work early but besides them I have no one, but that’s my choice. I don’t want to have a lot of people calling me because when someone calls all I want to do is cry.
My cats are extra affectionate, for people who don’t like animals you cannot be part of my life well at least not my dating life. Cats are so attuned to our emotions, when I stayed in bed for a whole day and didn’t get up to go to work they knew something was wrong. All of my cats came all around me and snuggled up to me, they sensed my sadness. They didn’t say a word but they understood; that’s all I want. I don’t want any talking just a presence and that’s it. I love my kitties so much, they are soooo sweet especially Pixie. Thank you Jehovah for my cats I don’t know where I’ll be without them.
2024-02-01T21:20:43+01:00
2024-02-01T21:03:49+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Mental health.
i am not sure how I am doing mentally because I just feel numb and I am just soooo quiet. I am taking a leave from work so I can sit with my emotions and allow myself to feel everything. I didn’t want to rush going back to work while not facing my feelings regarding my father being gone, at first I wanted to believe that he just went on vacation and that he is just fine but that would be a lie I would tell myself when the pain is too much for me to bare. I am in contact with my therapist and my psychiatrist… to make sure I don’t drown in my pain. I know myself and I am feeling this huge guilt for not being there for my dad when he needed me that I hate myself. No one knows how I feel, when people see me they will think I am just sad or just depressed like always… but no I am broken at the moment and all I need is my mommy.
2024-02-01T20:55:49+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Mourning
There’s no right way to mourn a loved one, when my dad passed away I didn’t cry at first. Even when I saw his body I still didn’t cry, I actually went home and got ready to go to a meeting. I am not sure if I was mentally at that meeting, I could have told people my dad just died but I didn’t want to. I couldn’t believe that my dad was gone. I wanted everything to be normal ! I wanted to control everything!
After I came back from the meeting and I sat there in the dark. I just wouldn’t stop crying! I felt so alone but I wanted to be alone! I didn’t want anyone to show me any sympathy because I don’t think I deserve it. I don’t know how to face my emotions or how to feel. When I laugh I feel guilty because I am supposed to be sad but deep inside I do feel broken and I just want my mom. I don’t want any strangers in my business, I have my cats here with me and they’ve been total sweethearts, pixie never left my side especially when I am crying he stays with me until I fall asleep. I am not sure how to let other people help me! I don’t want it. I just want to be left alone with my pain. I am grieving the loss of my dad and honestly I am not sure how to feel… his passing has shown me what’s really important! I am no longer forcing people to be there for me or to even love me. I am enough and my dad loved me more than any man ever could, I knew he did.
I miss you so much daddy.
Sincerely your little princess.
2024-02-01T20:44:46+01:00
1/30/2024
Daddy’s princess.
“Today I woke up with tears in my eyes wishing I was a better daughter. I wasn’t there for you when I knew you needed me, even when you pushed me away I knew it was because you wish I cared more and I will forever regret it. I don’t deserve any sympathy”
My dad has passed away, and I am just broken. When I got the news I was on my lunch break after having an awesome morning, I had no idea where my dad was and how bad he was feeling. I was just being selfish by staying away… when I got the call I was just shocked. I didn’t eat, I just drove straight to the hospital only to find him already gone. He looked like he was asleep, i wanted to wake him up but it was too hard for me to look at his lifeless body. He looked so peaceful, so small, so gentle, he had so much love but no one to give it to. I didn’t deserve him, I am not going to sit here and say I did all I could to keep him alive because I didn’t. I wasn’t the daughter he wanted, I gave up a long time ago but he kept fighting. I am not looking for sympathy, I don’t deserve it. My sweet daddy is gone and there’s nothing I can do to bring him back. I don’t want any strangers calling me saying “ condolences or I am sorry for your loss” none of it can bring him back, let me mourn in peace . I don’t deserve any nice gestures, I am the worse daughter any father could have. I never deserved my dad and it’s so sad that he’s gone in those circumstances.
The last time I saw him he looked sooo fragile, so frail and I said goodbye to him for the last time, I didn’t even hugged him !
Realizing that my dad never got to see me in love, he never met my first boyfriend and he never got to walk me down the aisle or even see my kids broke my heart even more. I had plans for him I wish I could’ve kept him with me but I was too sick mentally to even be there for him. I am not okay and I was never okay. I needed him but he needed me more yet I did nothing ! He was sick for 2 years! And for so long I was in denial. I didn’t want to believe that the cancer was progressing, I believed that in my mind he was still the same. I didn’t want to accept that he was disappearing right before my eyes! He was the strongest human being I have ever known! He never complained ! Never forced anything and he even in death he just went peacefully without a fuss. He was in sooo much pain both physically and emotionally. He knew he had no one! I knew he was counting on me! I was there when I could, not when he needed me to.
2024-02-01T17:43:47+01:00
