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2023-11-17T23:48:09+01:00
Archives
2023-11-16T02:00:57+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
What’s your love language?
We all have 3 main love languages but my primary one is physical touch, I know that I don’t look affectionate because I look standoffish, and I don’t like being hugged or touched by people, but the truth is I love being hugged by the people that I love and feel safe with. Some family members I don’t like being hugged by them and it’s not that I don’t feel safe with them, quite the contrary I love them but that’s not how I express my love for them. For my relationship my main love language is physical touch because if he doesn’t hold my hand, hug me and show me affection I will feel neglected even though he tells me sweet words if he doesn’t physically show that to me, I simply won’t believe it.
I am not a touchy type of person but when … nah let me stop I’m just going to expose myself. ;) but yeah physical touch is the way to go but also tell me sweet words because that’s my second love language.
2023-11-15T14:27:44+01:00
song I am obsessed with right now
- baby riddim by fave
- breakfast by Dove Cameron
- made in the USA Demi Lovato
- I can't be myself by justin bieber, Jaden
- wake me up before you go-go wham (y'all know I love the 80's)
- sweet Melody by little mix
- mapopo by mavokali,rayvanny
2023-11-15T02:46:17+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Let’s answer fun questions.
I am really active on here these days because I write a lot when I am trying to distract my mind from overthinking and it’s helping my writing, so it’s a win ;)
- If you could live anywhere in the world where would you be and why?
I would live in France, not only do I love speaking French but I also love the culture. I am well aware of how hard it can be to switch from a totally different setting to another but I’m pretty sure I will adapt very quickly lol ( I will not miss the US please get me out of here it’s so ghetto )and I know how bad racism is over there but honestly I just love the culture. I love to just be in the European environment, I would just watch every match at a pub especially during the world cup final omg! There is no sleep! I would literally be at a pub for every game lol. I just love everything about France; that’s where I would live.
- If you become a millionaire overnight, what would be the first thing you would do?
Find a way to expedite the process of getting my mom to live with me ASAP then buy a private island and just disappear with her and all my cats plus the neighbors cat who keeps visiting me lol
- Tell me something about you most people don’t know?
I can never willingly drink from the same cup as someone else. If I am drinking in a cup and someone else grab it from my hand and drinks from it, I am not drinking the rest of the drink. It disgust me to drink in same container with other people.
- Do you have any special talents?
I can take off my bra without taking out my clothes lol.
- Which came first the chicken or the egg?
Uhm that’s a great question I believe the chicken ! Because God created all animals male and female so that they can reproduce.
- What is your guilty pleasure?
Whenever it is raining or snowing especially early in the morning I love to watch Tom and jerry because it reminds me of my childhood when things were simple and fun.
- Which do you prefer books or movies?
This is tricky if there is a book made before a movie I will always choose the book first because whenever I watch a movie of a book they always leave a huge chunk of the story out of the movie, in my opinion the book is more detailed and if I don’t like the actors in the movie it won’t be a problem when I read the book because I can pretty much make up all the characters in my head.
Ok let’s stop here… we will keep going later.
2023-11-14T17:44:52+01:00
weight
trigger warning discussing eating disorder.
I have a very toxic relationship with food, I either binge eat, or I eat way less than I should. Lately nothing tastes good in my mouth, once in a while I will find something I like but then I get bored of it. I lost 10 pounds in less than 2 weeks; I know I should be concern but I do want to lose weight and I am happy that it's happening even though it's happening drastically but hey at least I am shedding pounds in unwanted places especially in my belly area. People usually tells me that it is healthy weight and that I shouldn't worry but I worry about everything!
I want a flat belly and that is my number one goal, before I gained all the weight people use to make fun of my size even my crushes use to say I looked too small or that I look like a little boy. I think I looked super cute and petite; I am still petite but with a little weight lol. I am not mad about my size but for a while I used to be depressed and I did touch on that here. In 2021, I was extremely depressed, and I hid from everyone. My face was so chunky, and I used to cry daily, I did not feel beautiful but somehow by the grace of God I lost all the weight; I did work out as well as changing my diet but for some people it takes years for them to finally see results, but I saw results almost instantly. I did pray to Jehovah daily. That's why I say if you want something really bad just ask God for it because he is listening to you, he may not answer you right away, but he will answer in due time.
Now to all the people who were making fun of me when I was skinny, I hope you know how much that affected to me to the point that I even hated the way that I looked because deep down I wanted to look like those girls on Instagram, but now I don't care anymore as long as I feel beautiful that is all that matters. I don't care about your opinion of me anymore and I hope you stay away from me with all of that negativity.
2023-11-14T02:15:16+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Deep convo with me.
- If someone offered you a box with everything you ever lost what’s the first thing you’d look for?
When I was six or maybe 5 someone gave me a tweety bird shaped ring and I lost it while I was playing and I’ve always regretted losing it. That’s the first thing I would look for, even though it wouldn’t fit none of my fingers now but I will be happy that I have it.
- What’s that thought that always seems to be on your mind before you sleep?
I always think what if I give up everything, forget about everyone that I currently know and just disappear how would my life be. I usually start crying when I realize the reason why I want to do this.
- What do you value most in people ?
Their kindness and I don’t mean that fake kindness when someone want something from you; I mean someone who is genuinely kind and soft hearted with no anger boiling up inside of them… just lighthearted fun.
- What would your dream date look like from start to finish?
A guy ( preferably my crush) to walk up to me in person because I don’t want someone asking me out on the phone. Man up and walk to me and say” what are you doing tomorrow night at 6pm”
I would say “ uhm nothing I would probably be home” then he’ll say “ ok get ready I’ll pick you up and it’s a date” and then I’ll say “ oh ok”. Then I’ll be all excited and get ready, then he’ll come and pick me up. Open the car door for me, take me to a nice French or Italian restaurant with a nice view… while we sit across from each other with wine … he would ask me questions to get to know me and he would reach out and hold my hand on the table after we eat… we would sit in the car and talk for a couple of hours … then he would drop me off at home.
2023-11-14T01:53:40+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
I never allow anyone to consume me, this is what I do to prevent that:
- They didn’t call, great go to sleep or continue to have a good day.
- They didn’t text put your phone down and have a great day with the people around you.
- they don’t show any effort, go ahead and prioritize yourself and do something that’s worth your time ( for me that’s reading, writing, sleeping, eating and playing video games)
- They left you on read delete the conversation. You don’t need to stress over it act like it never happened.
- They didn’t check on you, check in with yourself ( I do that by praying to Jehovah and by writing in my journals that’s right I have more than one journal: I have my feelings journal, my thoughts journal, my praying journal and my shadow work journal I just pick one and when I feel really sad I just distract myself by writing in all of them)
- Efforts reflect interest don’t let them fool you; if they are not making any effort then they are not interested.
- Never let your happiness depend on anyone. Make yourself happy, choose yourself every single time. Walk away and create the life that you want.
2023-11-13T17:15:25+01:00
Toxic masculinity.
Sassy men are the opposite of toxic masculinity men who treats women like property or a mean to an end. Those men who treats women like they own them often times have mommy issues; I cannot deal with men who think they can take over my life and dictate everything that I do. take Keke Palmer at the moment, she is dealing with a toxic man with the same traits as Andrew Tate. That man is so abusive, he kicked her, slapped and humiliated her in front of the world. Those men literally did not have a great relationship with their mother, so they treat the women they are in a relationship with like property and what do you do to something that you own? you use it whenever you want without a care in the world because it's there to make you feel good. The book I was reading this weekend touched based on that, the main character solan was in a relationship with a man who would have sex with her when she was sleeping and when she didn't feel like it. She cried the whole time and he didn't stop because he just wanted to feel good even when she was hurting! that is rape!! even if the woman doesn't say stop herself because she could be scared but there are signs! : she could be crying, pushing you off of her and stay stiff all of those show that she does not want to and a man who's compassionate will apologize and stop. The likes of Andrew Tate think that is okay for a man to cheat but it is way worse when a woman does it! it is the same if you ask me, there is no difference.
I love sassy men because they express themselves right away, they don't try to hide any feelings, like show me how disgusted you are! why do you think I love Mbappe so much? he is the king of sassy lol he has so many faces expression and he is SOOO soft and expressive with everything that he is doing. Toxic men think that showing your emotion is girly but no it shows that you are confident, and you are not afraid to express yourself however ways that may present.
2023-11-13T14:49:30+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
more controversial opinion.
I love stirring the pot.
1. As a man if you cannot pay for the first date or open the car door for me, don't bother inviting me out. On the first date I need you to butter me up, open all the doors for me, pull out the chair for me before I sit down, don't let me pick up anything. Treat me like a baby who has never done anything in her life, matter of fact feed me! nah I'm playing well unless he's into that kind of stuff then please do it lol I love me some spice.
2. I am not looking for an intellectual but as a man if you don't read anything please stay away from me; I am always reading something and if reading books bother you then you won't like me. By the fact I stayed home this weekend reading because I bought a great book on friday, I had to literally cancel all my plans to finish it lol, but you know what I would rather stay home with a great book than to hang out with people who drain me.
3. if you invite me and I don't show up know that I felt bad, but I will do it again. I am sorry there's just something about me lately that hates hanging out with people that I am not comfortable with, if I hang out with you I either like you, curious about you or I had no choice but to be there.
4. I don't like meeting new guys, I'm exhausted! if I haven't met my soulmate it's going to be a problem because I don't feel like getting to know anyone new. I don't want to talk about what I like or talk about what my favorite color is... please leave me alone. I blocked a guy yesterday after I was on the phone with him, he did not have my number he called me off of Instagram; I don't give out my number for nothing even if you put a gun to my head because I know I will block you once a get tired so why give you, my digits? I just hate it when I have to explain to someone the things that I don't like, and I have to explain my sense of humour because it is dry and dark plus I am very sarcastic so I will have to tell you "Oh no that's a joke I am not serious" like no I will not actually " slam my hand in a car door it is just to emphasize a point" one time I was joking about something embarrassing that happened to someone and I said " OMG I would literally hang myself if something like that happened to me" he was so concern he was like noo please don't do that I was like " No I love life I am just joking" after I felt like a sick minded person like why did I say that! but someone who doesn't take me seriously would know that I didn't mean it.
5. You either love me or you are just indifferent. I've never met anyone who hated me or maybe they hid it well lol but I've met people who were jealous of me so I am not sure if that's the equivalent of someone hating me but anyway, the jealousy was so uncalled for like I am struggling just like you what do you mean you want my life? like girl take it at this point I am just surviving lol
6. I love sassy men. Google sassy men apocalypse and you will get an idea of what I mean by that lol. I love me some lighthearted fun, like please Gossip with me like one of the girls. Don't act like a thug around me, I hate that stuff, be masculine but be soft at the same time. I don't mind if you cry with me, I will love you even more, show me emotions I love all of that stuff.
2023-11-13T00:29:49+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Controversial opinion and things about me.
Those are just what I think, you don’t have to agree.
- Hair. A man telling me how to do my hair and what to do with my hair is very toxic let me explain as a black girl I don’t have straight hair. I have an Afro and it is time consuming as well as expensive to keep it beautiful and moisturized. Now what I choose to do with it should not lower or increase my value because hair is just hair. I am so much more than my hair; if a man decides not to approach me because I either have an Afro or a wig on my head then good. Stay away from me because that’s exactly that type of negativity I don’t want in my life. I never cared if a man would love my hairstyle, I do my hair the way that I want to do it. If your love for me relies on what my hair looks like I don’t want it because I could be bald tomorrow, then what?
- Hugs. I don’t like being touched unexpectedly it triggers my past traumas and I don’t have to explain what I went through but if I tell you “no I don’t want a hug” do not force yourself on me! I said no just respect my words. I am not playing hard to get I just don’t want a hug from you. There are a very few people I accept hugs from, and those people should feel very special because I trust them, and I feel good in their arms hence why I let it happen. Just don’t automatically hug me when you see me if I don’t initiate it or if I haven’t told you that I love getting hugs from you.
- Free spirit. I am in fact a free spirit, I may not come across as that because I look very quiet but don’t be fooled. I love to observe people and make my own conclusion about them. I am very stubborn, not many people can get through me. I will do exactly what I want to do and often times I learn the hard way. I don’t like being told what to do in an arrogant tone, just be nice about it and I’ll listen.
- Quiet. I hate it when people say “why are you so quiet” the truth is if I am quiet around you it’s because I don’t trust you or we are not friends. I am not quiet! I can be really annoying and goofy, I talk a lot and I am so sorry for those people I feel comfortable around because they always have to tell me to chill lol. I get excited around the people I love because I don’t get to hang out with them all the time so when I finally get to see them I get so excited! I love the people who gets excited with me those people are just like me they love to talk, they have a lot of energy and they are my close friends. I hate it when my friends tell me to shut up because truth is I am always ready to drop everything and cut off anyone who doesn’t appreciate me. My real friends love me for who I am and I will always love them.