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"As the flowers bloom and the birds started to sing,
I realize just how much I was deep in the ocean of my mind."
2021-09-03T14:41:46+02:00
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2021-09-02T01:11:14+02:00
epiphany. (quote from what she needed to hear)
" what I felt for you was not love, I don't think I ever loved anyone in a romantic kind of way. What I felt for them was never love perhaps it was something close to it or not at all. Maybe all I ever felt was infatuation, lust, the constant need for gratification, the feeling of wanting to conquer the prize without actually needing it. It pains me that I don't know what love is and I am more relieved that you didn't believe me when I said I did. I wanted to love you more than anything but you were not meant for me. The day doesn't rise because of you and you don't set my evenings; I will be fine without you. I want to love but sadly that never happened no matter how many butterflies I felt in my stomach, no matter how many hugs I've craved all of that was simply meaningless; you deserve to be loved and I can't give you that even when I thought I could, it was never about you and I believe love is supposed to be all about you and not about the person who's giving it."
2021-09-01T16:38:15+02:00
update.
First update for this month yay!!
I am not sure if I did one last month but I am pretty sure that I did even if it was through a video or me just talking about what's going on. There are a lot of new stuff happening and there are still things that are the same. I have been trying to speak and write more in French because in my opinion the greatest story I've ever written was in French nothing wrong with English but it's just my third language.
I am working everyday on something new but I just want to focus on one thing so I can finish it instead of starting 100 stuff and not finish one. Archie is doing great I am changing his food because the one he loves is way too expensive and mommy is trying to save money. He let me sleep now and I think we came to an understanding that when I turn off my TV that it is time for bed. He is simply so cute guys, he's my bundle of joy.... wait one more update I did cut all of my hair and the buzzcut looks great on me because I was blessed with a big head lol... I did indeed cut my hair without planning, I remember that it was a Sunday afternoon and I saw a beautiful girl with a buzzcut either on my phone or on tv I can't remember but that inspired me to run to my bathroom in front of my mirror and cut all of my hair...uhm I know that is crazy! lol but there were other stuff going on with me and my hair is already gone there's nothing I can do but to appreciate it and to cherish it.
what prompted me to take a break?
I did take a short break last week which was for almost a week and uhm I just didn't want to write any quotes or poems or anything whatsoever because I was not in a great place. I tried to refrain myself from writing anything that I would regret and I am glad that I did because it was a very emotional time for me. Usually I use my emotions in my poems but I just didn't want to do it. I am fighting to get to a better place :)
I don't have anything else to say.
2021-09-01T15:35:35+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
" Io sono una donna capace."
Amo Italiano :)
2021-09-01T14:23:41+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Salut mes lecteurs français,
Je sais très bien que la plus part des gens qui viennent sur mon blog parle anglais mais là je vais arrêter de mettre accent sur ça parce qu’on le sait déjà. Alors hier soir j’ai pensé à un roman que j’ai écris quand j’étais au lycée et je pense que je vais le publier ici, c’est pas terminé mais l’idée principale est là et peut être que vous aimeriez savoir ce qui s’est passé à la fin de l’histoire mais pour maintenant je veux juste vous présenter le commencement de l’histoire.
Alors comment va tout le monde ? Ça va aller? Pour moi ça ira. J’essaie de voir le bon côté des choses même si la plus part des fois j’ai envie d’aller dans un pays très loin où que personne ne me reconnaît… la santé mentale n’est pas très équilibré. Un jours je vais très bien et en suite demain je pourrais me sentir très mal… j’ai pas très envie de vous dire tout ce qui m’arrive mais une chose importante c’est que malgré tout je vais essayer d’être toujours là sur mon blogue. Quand j’arrête d’écrire je peux dire que tout va très mal et l’écriture est quand même une source de soulagement et de réconfort pour moi. La musique aussi me rends très forte et prêt à attaqué la journée; il y’a aussi un podcast sur Spotify qui s’appelle « une vie plus saine & sereine » de Chloé bloom j’adore beaucoup j’écoute ça tout les jeudis matin et je pense que c’est très encourageant. Il y’a beaucoup de belles choses dans la vie mais il faut juste que vous soyez attentif à ce qui se passe autour de vous.
J’ai pas trop de choses à dire, alors soyez prudent. Bisous ciao
2021-08-31T17:53:57+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
"I prefer not to be understood because the real world scares me and there isn't an ounce of free thinkers; everyone just want to judge."
2021-08-31T16:08:19+02:00
Artistic temperament.
It is a blessing and a curse to have an artistic temperament, although it varies for different individual but we are quite similar. These people often are poets, writers, painters, singers, dancers or performers... they tend to have the qualities that I am about to list below. I took some time to do some research about it because I wanted to understand myself and other past writers. I found a large amount of information that I relate to entirely but I will not make a connection. Having this type of temperament is not a compliment to me even if it holds a certain amount of privilege.
1. these people often are both introverted and extroverted in some ways because they do need to be alone for a certain amount of time to work; social gatherings often drained them which is why they have to take some time alone to recharge. Artist like Van Gogh was a great example he was certainly extremely intelligent but he lived a solitary life. was he married? I am not sure.
2. time alone is beneficial because they work better alone and they are more inspired that way and they often like to work alone.
3. they are often stubborn and strong minded. If they have already made up their mind about something it is very rare that they change it easily if they do it's only after a long time of self reflecting.
4. relationships come second in their lives. Having a connection with other people is not their top priorities because their work, passion, thoughts and problems always come first.
5. They are most likely to be intelligent but can lack wisdom when making practical decision especially if it has to do with money, relationship or other people.
6. They try to be humble but deep down they are extremely proud of their work even if they never say it out loud.
7. they are perfectionist and often time they criticize their work way more than other people and may end up keeping their work private because they are afraid of outside criticism.
8. they have constant mood swings; from my own opinion I think that it is because they spend way too much time in their heads trying to be creative or simply by trying to make something come alive.
9. they have a deep love for nature; they love the outdoor even if they don't spend too much time outside.
10.they Often have some type of mental illness because they spend a lot of time working alone. Through my research I found that " Poets are 20 times more likely to end up in an asylum than the general population", not quite what I was expecting but that can be avoided and it doesn't mean that all writers are insane but writer like Sylvia Plath was a great example of what mental illness can do to a writer... I love her book the bell jar it was quite disturbing. I think that her mental illness was more psychological than artistical; perhaps she found great relief when writing.
There are more to this but as I keep reading I try to remind myself that those are general opinions even if the study was conducted on past writers and current poets but there is always a controlled group.
2021-08-31T15:06:37+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
« Derrière ton masque cache de la douleur, la peur et une manque d’affection. Tu as beau essayé de nous faire croire que tout allait bien pendant qu’en fin de compte tu voulais juste d’être aimer. Tu pourras me dire tout ce que tu veux mais ton sourire faux me fait de la peine. »
2021-08-31T02:35:04+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
« Tu souris trop beau pour être heureux,tu ris tout le temps mais on sait que tu fais semblant parce qu’on fait tous la même chose. T’as soif, t’as pas mangé et tu n’as pas sommeil. Tu regardes la télé du matin jusqu’au soir et tu t’effondre dans chaque scène comme si tu voulais être l’acteur au lieu de vivre ta réalité. »
2021-08-30T21:46:30+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
"T’étais fort minable mais c’était pas une raison pour moi d’arrêter de t’aimer,
T’avais pas de la bouffe, ni le fric mais j’étais quand même heureuse avec toi.
J’étais jamais là pour ce que tu avais à m’offrir,
tout ce que je voulais c’était ton attention et ton temps. Mais là tu as tout jeter par la fenêtre et ne me demande jamais de revenir. Tout ça à été un temps perdu que je ne rattraperai jamais.”