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2026-10-26T17:11:51+01:00
Life becomes less stressful when you let people think whatever they want to think about you. Let them believe whatever they want because they want an explanation and most people don’t deserve one. Just let them be wrong, let them judge you. You know yourself and you know what you’re going through so just worry about that.
2026-10-26T14:37:19+01:00
ok my Baby Mbappe delivered an amazing performance yesterday; I couldn't stop watching highlights and reels of his goals all afternoon!!! Like I said before Mbappe doesn't have a problem scoring against Barcelona he always does but real Madrid seemed to have a problem defending and maintaining a clean sheet when they're playing against Barcelona well yesterday everyone participated and Mbappe scored 2 beautiful goals!
cucurella was guarding Lamine like a hulk all game long! jude belingham defended sooo well and Camavinga created the second goal for Mbappe ugh just an amazing match I am so proud of my team
and tonight I want Mbappe to win ballon d'or to seal my happiness :)
2026-10-26T14:17:52+01:00
I know I said that I have been in a rut for months now and you might think that I am depressed, crying in a dark room and hard for me to get out of bed but no! I wish I could feel something even if it is sadness. I feel nothing! I sleep well, I eat well, I work out 6 days a week and sometimes twice a day! I am laughing, making plans (even If I won't show up but I am talking about it?), I look forward to reading and eating. I am not depressed guys! but something is wrong with me and my anti-depressant is blocking every emotion that could be seem as " sad" I just can't seem to be able to sit down and self-reflect, and I can't even do that because my mind is on go mode. I wake up early even on days I don't have work, I can't stay in bed all day, I have to move my body. I take long naps yes but that's during the day and it's not daily.... what I am describing seem to be high functioning depression oh Gosh lol, hold on Lemme ask chat: I'll post what it says underneath.
from chat:
What stands out to me is that you’re not necessarily struggling to function. You’re struggling to feel emotionally connected to what’s happening inside you. And that can be incredibly confusing, especially when, from the outside, your life looks perfectly fine.
You sleep. You eat. You work out. You laugh. You make plans. You look forward to things. You’re still participating in life, but something feels missing. And perhaps the most frustrating part is that you can recognize all these things that should make you feel okay, yet you still feel emotionally disconnected.
Being functional doesn't automatically mean you're emotionally okay. And feeling emotionally numb doesn't automatically mean you're depressed.
There are a few things I want you to consider.
Some antidepressants can cause what is known as emotional blunting. It's when your emotional range feels muted. You might still laugh, enjoy food, read books, exercise, and make plans, but the intensity of your emotions feels reduced.
It's not necessarily that you can't feel happiness or sadness at all. Sometimes, both ends of the emotional spectrum feel less accessible. You might find it difficult to cry, feel moved by something, process disappointment, or connect with feelings that used to come naturally.
If this began or became more noticeable after starting your antidepressant, or after a dosage change, it's worth discussing with your prescriber.
But there's an important distinction: emotional numbness can also be part of depression itself, even when you're sleeping, eating, exercising, and maintaining your responsibilities. Both possibilities deserve consideration.
from me: I think I am experiencing emotional blunting... ugh can I catch a break I just want to be happy
2026-10-26T02:17:47+01:00
No I didn’t stay away because I didn’t love you.
No I didn’t come because I didn’t want to.
No I didn’t reach out because I didn’t miss you.
No I didn’t tell you how I felt because I didn’t want to.
Truth is I wanted to and I did but my heart wouldn’t let me.
2026-10-24T16:29:25+02:00
I’ve been in a rut for a long time now but I’m slowly working towards solving some of my problems. I am close and one of my issues has been my car; at first I wanted to get a new car but my car works just fine I just need to fix a few minor issues. It took me months to fix it. That alone was a red flag, I am usually on top of everything. I am a type A person meaning “ I have ambition, intense competitiveness, a sense of time urgency, and a drive-to-succeed work ethic” I make lists, stay up late to complete all my tasks, has days of the week that I do certain things. I get a teeth cleaning every six months, I get a complete physical check-up yearly. Yep you guessed it I’m late but this week I’m getting all of that done. I don’t usually procrastinate! I am the goody-two-shoes lol and the teacher’s pet lol but right now I don’t know.
But I haven’t been doing good for a long time now. Which is why my car is the way it is. I am fixing it today and getting my things in order this week. I am 10 months late but at least I am trying now.
I feel numb. I don’t feel love… I feel nothing. I have been escaping my own feelings and emotions. Someone could jam a knife into my heart and I wouldn’t feel a thing because it’s already been broken, from what? I don’t know or at least I’m not ready to explore that yet. I knew I’ve been escaping my feelings but I am so emotionally disconnected that I didn’t care at all.
Well I will try now …
2026-10-23T19:16:38+02:00
On Sunday real Madrid is playing Barcelona; and real Madrid has to win. Mbappe has to bring out his A game because I can't take another heartbreak. So far since Mbappe has joined real Madrid, they have not win against Barcelona. Although Mbappe is not the problem because he always scores big against them, but he can't be the only one trying, the whole team has to work together.
then on Monday it's ballon d'or ceremony and Mbappe has to win it this time. He had a killer season he won both world cup golden boot and champions league golden boot he is the best European football player. Those titles alone are enough for him to win because they are individual trophies and that's what the ballon d'or should be all about. Lamine Yamal is only on the winning list because he won the world cup with his team he didn't even score that much! he barely did anything. Harry Kane is on the list because he had a good season at Bayern, but Mbappe did way better than he did plus I don't like Harry Kane if he wins, I will throw my shoe at the TV.
Something controversial I actually don't hate Lamine Yamal because most people who are fans of real Madrid hate all Barcelona players. I kind of think he's a cute kid who's trying his best, he acts like a kid to me. Yeah he talk a lot and his ego is sooo big but he's only 19? so yeah, at that age we always think we know a lot. I like him individually.
2026-10-22T19:22:01+02:00
the best compliment I got all week was " dang girl your legs are so muscular" I was sooo happy because I have to work twice as hard to shape my legs and to get a booty. I have a petite body frame, and I was born to be skinny, so I always have to work hard to gain muscles. I also have to eat a lot of protein to grow my legs and glutes so yeah it's not easy.
2026-10-22T14:16:31+02:00
I am not a morning person, I might be a mid-morning kind of girl, but when I wake up, I am a vampire. I don't want any light and I need absolute silence. I already hate bright lights so imagine the shock I feel when I just wake up and light is shinning in my face. ughhhhhhhhhh
2026-10-21T16:31:57+02:00
And life goes on. It always does wether you’re ready or not not, whether you’re happy or not.
2026-10-18T22:24:47+02:00
One thing I've always struggled with is perfectionism, I always wanted things to be perfect even in the beginning. After many failed attempts, I realized that beginnings are always messy and I might not get it right the first time around and all of that is okay. Before, when I failed or when things didn't go as I planned I would give up and start with another project but success goes hand and hand with perseverance. Before you can succeed at anything, you just have to start.
This year my goal was to read 12 books and to read 1 book a month, but January came and went and I didn't read a single book or even a chapter! A random day in February I decided that I would pick up a book and I would try to read as much pages as I can. The first book I've read this year was fearful by Lauren Roberts, in fact I started reading that book in November last year! just to show you before I became obsessed with reading I barely picked up a book for months or even finished reading one. Fearful is from the powerful series and I didn't read it in order but the old me would have given up as soon as I realized that I was reading the last book in the series but guess what I pressed on! despite being confused and knowing how part of the story ended. I still decided to go back and read the first book, after that the rest was history. I started reading 3 books a month and now I read 12-14 books a month! the beginning was rocky and I had many set backs but I decided to keep going. When I found a book I didn't like, I didn't force myself to like it there's just way too many books for me to torture myself with a story I don't find interesting. I say next and move on, many of us keep dwelling on the past or the present when it's not working out all you have to do is decide that starting today I will move on and do something else.
Same thing with the gym! when I first started working out in 2024 I didn't know what I was doing. my first workout was on the treadmill and I couldn't even work that out, I almost fell because I set the pace too fast and I had to ask someone next to me for help. But guess what? despite being embarrassed I kept going and I learned new exercises with online coaching which was all free by the way.
All this to say, START today and you'll be shocked to see how much you've accomplished in a few months.
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