No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2021-09-16T19:24:15+02:00

My quotes!

Publié par Gaelle.R 16 Septembre 2021 à 07:24 PM

not gonna lie my poetry sometimes make me look like I would break up with someone over a text or just simply disappear like a thief in the night lol that's immature I will at least leave a note before I disappear!

If I didn't tell you why I left and you're somewhat confused trust me it wasn't that deep or at least not to my knowledge, by the way I hate saying goodbye so it may look like I'm coming back but don't wait up because I won't once I'm gone I will not be back, things can never be the same after that... I hate small talk and I hate pretending so you just simply won't see me anymore.

"Maybe it's the poetic side of me but when I love I love hard; but when I finally move on my love interest will suddenly become a stranger."

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2021-09-16T19:19:10+02:00

"sorry I can't come to the phone right now, I'm in my feelings"

Publié par Gaelle.R 16 Septembre 2021 à 07:19 PM

« I’m tired of living life through your eyes. Tired of looking through the broken glass of our relationship hoping you would look back at me. Tired of waiting for your call in the midst of my sorrow. Goodbye, I don’t know who you are anymore. »

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2021-09-16T14:47:51+02:00

living alone.

Publié par Gaelle.R 16 Septembre 2021 à 02:47 PM

If you are someone who lives alone or planning to live alone soon this is for you; living alone is great if you love your own space and don't mind spending time by yourself; but if you're someone who relies on other people to help you get through life it can be challenging to live alone because I can guaranty you living alone is not for the weak but you should totally do it because it's part of growing up and being an adult. You are entitled to have your own space once you turn 18 or maybe younger if you are emancipated or don't really have a choice, I would say yeah if you can afford your own place go ahead and do it. The first couple of months will be challenging especially at night when you're going to bed because it's dark and it can be quiet; for me I find it comforting to have a night light and it's not as quiet for me because Archie often cries for a few hours before going to sleep but that doesn't bother me anymore because I got used to his meowing. If you don't like being alone you can watch tv or just have the tv open for background noise and even if you don't mind being alone sometimes it can be very depressing so just put your favorite show on, blast your favorite songs on a speaker or listen to a podcast that can truly be fun. I find that listening to a podcast everyday is both educational and fun so you can just try to find a topic that you like and want to know more about or just pick someone you find their voice to be attractive or soothing.

Living alone makes you realize just how much responsibility there is in life, you have to cook for yourself or at least learn how to cook, you have to do your own laundry or learn to do it and you have to be consistent with it because if you don't you will not have any clothes to wear and your house will be gross, you also have to clean your house and do dishes or at least get a dish washer... I mean when you live at your parents house or at someone's house who do all those things for you although I can't really see someone doing all of your chores for you unless you are at your parents house or you are married but when you live alone you have to do all of those things regardless of how you feel I mean yeah you can do your chores later when you feel like it but they will be there waiting for you. You also have to call maintenance when your sink is clogged or when something stops working; if you don't own the house the landlord will provide that assistance but you have to find your own maintenance company when you own the house and that's another big responsibility because if you don't find someone who can fix the problem you will always have that problem unless you can fix it yourself but I'm a girl I don't know how to build or fix anything so I need my maintenance guy.

Being by yourself can cause you to have anxiety or actually make it worse if you already have it because you will feel alone at times and it can feel like you have no one to talk so you will find yourself laying in your bed crying, then you might find yourself stalking your ex or someone who rejected you in 8th grade anyway anxiety will do that to you. When you feel those things happening and you feel like you're exaggerating the problem just call someone you trust and talk about it. When you talk about your problems you may find solutions or ways to cope so don't be ashamed to ask for help (that advice is for me as well because I am in the same boat). When we are living alone it can go 2 ways it's either you feel so comfortable with being alone that you isolate yourself so much that you almost feel much better alone than with other people; or you can hate being alone so much that you would rather spend time outside your home more and socializing all the time. Both of these options are bad because you need a sort of balance in life and that goes for everything; you shouldn't stay alone too much because it will almost feel like you don't have anyone and you can become so self centered that everything should be or has to be about you and your problems; secondly spending time with people so much can make it difficult for your to spend time by yourself or go anywhere alone and you probably won't have time to get to know yourself or have time to do any self reflecting to grow. We need to socialize because we need to build relationships with other people especially when you live alone because you might need help or someone to help you get through a difficult time; I realize that spending time with others is a form of survival because we always need someone for something we cannot just live a life without needing anything from anyone. You also need to spend time alone to grow your spirituality or to get to know God if you want to be spiritual, to get to know yourself and to find out what needs to change in your character.

I will write something else about this because I don't like when my articles are long on this blog, this should just be a quick and easy reading. :)

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2021-09-15T19:58:34+02:00

2021 so far...

Publié par Gaelle.R 15 Septembre 2021 à 07:58 PM

well it's about to end soon, yes I am excited about wrapping this up because it kinda sucks. Covid is still around... and the face masks are really doing a number on my skin.

1. Acne. literally January, 2 of this year I had the worst break out phase I ever had in my entire life... went to the dermatologist after multiple failed attempts of trying to make things better alone...(sigh) I finally went to the Doctor and they prescribed me some acne medications and that is still going. Not happy about that.

2. Leaving the natural hair community well I left last year but I didn't do a recap of 2020 but yeah I left and I felt so ashamed after because not too long ago I was promoting natural hair. I had a somewhat relaxer it was more of hair softener (feeling ashamed) It kind of messed up my hair because I was doing them on my own I thought I was brave and knowledgeable enough to do my own relaxers (I kinda wish I didn't do that)

3. Buzzcut yes I cut off all of my hair last month because I was tired of my texturized hair... not gonna lie the haircut is cute when I take care of it I mean when I do the whole natural hair routine like deep conditioning and make it curly... yh I'm back in the natural hair community I left for a year and I will never leave again because I realize that I didn't miss anything. Natural hair is the best! sorry for leaving the community.

4. being addicted to crocs. I've never worn crocs before this year but that's all I've been wearing now for work, I don't know what real shoes or close toe shoes are anymore. I haven't worn sneakers in a month ! like wow I need to stop.

5. Being addicted to sweatpants and sweatshirts. Yeah during the winter that's all I wear and I am obsessed like what are jeans? don't know what they are anymore.

6. moving. I moved this summer and it was a very stressful and exhausting process, it took a while for Archie to adjust but he's good now; it feels like he owns the place and not me I guess I live there because he let me.

7. Having a favorite drink at Starbucks. Yeah that's weird because I used to hate the whole idea of Starbucks I thought they were overrated but no now I love it so that's new.

8. Learning Italian. I started last year but this year I took it seriously to a point that now I have a lesson on Duolingo everyday, it's going great I am sort of a linguist so the more languages I can learn the more excited I am.

9. starting a mug collection for my tea. I don't drink coffee but I can have a cup of tea every night before bed.

...

I kind of expect a lot more stuff to happen hopefully exciting stuff so I'll keep this going by the end of the year if I remember because I might now. I just felt like doing that today

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2021-09-15T16:27:23+02:00

Podcast

Publié par Gaelle.R 15 Septembre 2021 à 04:27 PM

Quick Update on that podcast thing so I did create an account and everything, I recorded my first one but I listen to it and I was amazed by how low and soft my voice is ! gosh! if I yell at someone I think they will love it or just smile...well that's why I never yell I just show you how mad I am because talking will only make you feel like I am fine with everything and I'm not! so I will keep making recordings adjusting my voice and tones a little bit to see how it will turn out... It might take a while I want to make a good one and one that you will be able to hear correctly.

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2021-09-15T15:50:44+02:00

eye opening, fun fact.

Publié par Gaelle.R 15 Septembre 2021 à 03:50 PM

1. I make a social account once a year or 2 years but I won't use it and after maybe 3-6 months I will delete it. Sorry sometimes I do a vibe check and it tells me to make an Instagram account but then I check again and it tells me to delete it and to never come back. ahaha (nervous laugh).

2. 10 out 10 times when I am late I was looking for my shoes or I took a quick nap or my anxiety kept me from leaving my house on time because I hate being the first one there so basically I stress myself through google maps while checking my arriving time compare to the time I am supposed to be there... that never works out sorry I was late but I will be late again, well not by a lot just by a few minutes ok maybe half an hour.

3. I can never find my sock which is why I have to buy socks every month! uh maybe Archie is hiding them somewhere when I get home he and I will have a talk.

4. I love the idea of drinking coffee and for a while I used to get coffee every week but it was never about the coffee I hate coffee! it was about the cute cups I used to get and getting somewhere with a cup of coffee in my hand that I barely drink made me feel like a normal person because that's what most people drink! I don't do that anymore lol. Coffee makes me sick! It makes my heart beats fast and I just feel like I am having a panic attack so no thanks, I already have to deal with my frequent mental breakdowns.

5. My favorite drink at Starbucks is the purple drink wait it's called dragon fruit but it has lemonade side note I love lemonade that's my go to drink when I go to the restaurant especially the pink one! but not gonna lie that dragon fruit drink is good try it !!

6. I want another cat but not so much for me but for Archie because he needs a companion I hate leaving him alone but gosh Archie is already expensive as it is; if I get another cat I would have to bring that cat to the vet before I bring him home to get treated for fleas and get vaccinated because I already had Archie treated for fleas and It was a long process I don't want him to get fleas again... then I have to rethink the whole food situation again because I will not have that cat be spoiled like Archie he or she is going to eat whatever I gave him/her; you know what I want another male cat because Archie is not fixed yet so if I get a female cat I will be bombarded with kittens! I love cats but not too much and I am afraid that I love them all and so I end up keeping them so now I will become a true cat lady! I can say goodbye to married life sike! hell nah I wanna have my own babies lol

7. I am currently learning Italian and next month I am going to start watching Italian movies with subtitles! I want to speak fluent Italian... Parlo un' po di Itliano. Uhm for me to get more advanced I need to get lost in a movie and find my way back.

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2021-09-14T19:09:20+02:00

rambling.

Publié par Gaelle.R 14 Septembre 2021 à 07:09 PM

Honestly I am just going to talk on and on or rather I will just write everything I am thinking right now. That was a warning so if you want to now or be surprised keep on reading.

Today I woke up thinking gee I would love to just be happy like to have a good normal day where I smile a lot, where my anxiety is not high at all. To have a day where I can just wake up and feel great about myself and the body that I am in, we all say "love yourself" but it's so hard to love who you are sometimes and at times there is absolutely no apparent reason to why you can't love everything about yourself. I can say what I am going to say knowing 100 % that I am right that absolutely no one loves everything about themselves, we all hate something about ourselves that maybe we don't talk about but we are totally self conscious about or not really know about it yet but soon enough we will realize that we hate this about ourselves and that's completely fine because we are not perfect. I am always being hard on myself for no reason and failure to me is suicidal, but I cannot avoid failing at something because truth is I will fail and I will probably fail again. I am literally new at this thing called adulting and the beginning is quite scary and the deeper I get in the harder I am on myself which is why I don't have social media; I will probably not go back to Instagram or Facebook anytime soon well that's a wrap imagine me joining Facebook now! like hello that's so 2009 like grow up or something.

Lately I have been feeling so self conscious about my body, my face and all the stuff that I am eating; I would feel so bad when I don't eat properly for a week like I am not taking care of myself enough and that makes me feel so bad because I love when I have a good healthy meal but sometimes my mental state would sabotage my eating habits (side note I am thinking about starting a Spotify podcast to talk about all of this lol would you listen? it would be totally underground because I don't have a social media to promote so it will be me and maybe 2 or 3 other people listening but that will make me feel better) I've been journaling a lot lately or just enough to help with my mental health because witting my thoughts down really help me see the real problem when I am really confused.

Like with my acne situation which is quite sudden because there was nothing at the beginning of last year that indicated that my face will break out and I really thought it was an allergic reaction but turns out it's related to my hormones like what is happening? why everything is falling apart? like my face would look ok one moment and just gets worse the next day like why? I would cry, unable to look in the mirror feelin unattractive to the point where I would decline all invitations because why showing up when my face looks that bad. But I took some time nit-picking the problem after my 100th mental breakdown of the month regarding my face, I realize that people will love you no matter what you look like if the love is genuine; love is never based on looks yes sometimes but how can you explain someone loving someone who doesn't fit the social norm of what is attractive. Honestly I never loved anyone because they looked good, that came second...they could look at their worse and I would still love them because that is what love is about.

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2021-09-13T21:27:26+02:00

got a lot of choices....

Publié par Gaelle.R 13 Septembre 2021 à 09:27 PM

who you are as a person doesn't have to be about who you are with... From time to time in the past I would catch myself trying to be someone that I am not; perhaps it was the need to please others? or maybe I didn't quite know who I was yet. When I was younger I used to try to be exactly what my parents wanted me to be, I would study hard which in the end benefitted me and turns out I found out that I do like learning, reading and studying even if I wasn't in school; like literally I would pick a subject and learn more about it so I can open a conversation with someone but that's a good thing. I think we should all be open minded and willing to learn new things because it is for our own good as my mom would always say "knowledge is power" and yes indeed. The problem with trying to be who other people want you to be is that along the way you may lose yourself, you may wonder about your purpose in life and not knowing who you really want to be. If you are in the same shoes that I was not too long ago, I suggest you take a step back... stop doing whatever you are doing to please others and take a look at yourself and ask if that person didn't want me to do that what would I be doing right now? or if I had the choice to do anything in life what would I be doing? whatever your answer is that can be what you do in life.

Lately, I started to realize how precious life is and how not many of us get to live past 50 or even 30 while so many of us are living a life that we hate when instead we can do something we love and follow what we really want to do in life. Personally before I do anything or make any big life changing decision I pray about it because there isn't anything better than God's direction and he really does answer your prayer if you are paying attention. when you were praying for that job and out of nowhere you got a call for an interview and you got the job right? well that was his blessing... he was also blessing you when that relationship did not happen or didn't work out the way you were hoping it would and that was his way of saying he has something better for you. Chin up we got this! To be honest it took me a while to realize that there is a lot of thing I didn't really want and maybe some people will judge me for my choices but guess what? I do not care because each one of us has to deal with God alone at the end of our journey... as long as my choices don't affect my spirituality it's safe for me.

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2021-09-12T17:48:29+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 12 Septembre 2021 à 05:48 PM

new rules.

"If you have to overthink or stress about calling and texting someone, don't do it find something better to do."

" Don't rekindle old flames if it was toxic, it's an ex for a reason."

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2021-09-10T21:58:12+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 10 Septembre 2021 à 09:58 PM

" I follow more cats than people on my socials; what can I say cats are very intriguing creatures."

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