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2021-08-06T19:37:13+02:00
Always felt like no one really cared,
as if my mere existence is not even cared for.
Talking, but no one is listening,
as if what I have to say is not important.
The way that I mess up everything makes it hard for everyone to believe in me.
Guilt is residing in my heart,
I just want to be loved.
2021-08-05T16:27:42+02:00
"while you're stressing about him and about how everything is falling apart,
he is texting you goodnight while he is telling another girl he can't sleep."
2021-08-05T16:08:10+02:00
One day I won't be able to remember what happened today,
I won't be able to remember my hopes and dreams
because I will have new ones
one day I won't be able to remember what I did on Friday June 6,2014
because it will be 2020
and by then who knows what I will be?
would I still remember when I was seventeen even though I still am,
but who knows when I won't be able to remember anything.
It all can happen in one minute that I'm so scared.
my whole life can turn upside down in one second
and the scary thing is,
it can take me 10 years to put it all back together.
I could stop breathing right this minute
...
I am not putting the rest of that lol I am cringing uhm my writing has matured a little! but anyway I was so cute talking about 2020 so lightly not knowing there was going to be a whole pandemic and the whole Country was going to be on lockdown, on top of that I was going to be in quarantine like whatttttt?? I would never think all of this would happen and among other things. All of this to show that we really don't know the future and that's probably for a good reason because there's nothing we can really do.
2021-08-05T15:45:28+02:00
when I write I feel like a complete different person compare to when I am speaking or even showing my emotions physically. I don't know how to explain how I feel when I am telling someone through a conversation but once I have a piece of paper it all comes together and it makes more sense to me. When I write I am able to share my happiness, my sadness, my discomfort, my love, my anger and anything else that I am feeling at that moment in time but when I am speaking I tend to sugarcoat things; I tend to hide the messed up part of things or try to save myself from being viewed as a strange person because I hate to admit what's really going on in my head. When someone ask me how do you feel right now? my thoughts goes blank and I even take a few seconds to ask myself how I am feeling? and I may come up with the first thing that comes to mind which could be that I am a little hungry but that's not really the problem; there is a bigger issue but I don't know how to even begin explaining in my own words what it is because I feel silly choosing small words to explain something that is so big that could be eating me a lot on the inside.
Whereas if I had a sheet of paper I may start out with a few sentences explaining the nature of my pain using different context, comparison, contrast to try to make the pain that I am feeling come alive and that is probably the poetic version of me talking but either way I am telling you how I feel and you have to be clueless enough not to understand. I was never comfortable with speaking about what I feel because there are so many words to choose from and at that exact moment I cannot process anything I just want to answer the question.
2021-08-04T14:18:55+02:00
*I don't know who needs to hear this but that person who is not answering your message is not busy it's a way to make you think they're busy.
2021-08-03T22:13:37+02:00
you left,
but I knew you weren't going to stay.
Before you left,
I was saying how you were going to find someone better than me.
I had already envisioned you with someone before you got with her.
Knowing you were going to leave,
I thought it was going to hurt less but it didn't;
It was so painful,
I was not able to bring myself to talk about it.
I didn't mention you and never looked in your direction after that,
Not because I hated you but because I wanted you to prove me wrong.
I wanted to say to myself that my calculation was wrong and that you were different.
I wanted to tell you that story as we laugh about it later.
But that never happened and once again I was right.
2021-08-03T21:56:15+02:00
"I am not for the weak grow some thick skin and maybe we'll try this out.
I am not cold hearted, I just always forget to show emotions.
I am not going to ask you to stay, I was already fine alone."
2021-08-03T20:15:54+02:00
I didn't change I just became who I was when you were not around.
I didn't stop caring, I never did.
I didn't leave you behind, we were never together.
I was not mean, I only told you the truth when you asked.
would you rather I sugarcoat the truth for you?
I never wanted to let you believe that it meant more to me,
you simply didn't listen.
2021-08-03T19:40:46+02:00
I am not fan of her as a person because I don't know her personally but I love her music in a way that is insane and almost illegal. At first I was skeptical about listening to her music because I thought she only makes sad music but one day while I was going through my playlist on spotify I realize that I was listening to one of her song all along without realizing it! while I was claiming that her music is depressing or that it's boring without even checking her album out . That song I had in my playlist was come out and play, I remember a time where I was sad and grieving that song was on repeat and I remember how much I loved it, I still love it by the way. So I clicked to go into her album because Spotify give you the option to go into an artist album while listening to their singles...
That day I was at work and it was last year right before the pandemic! I was in a night shift and I was just bored; glad I don't work nights anymore I hate it. Uhm so I was sitting and I was like let me see what she sounds like as if I didn't already know ! so I started listening to her album when we fall asleep where do we go? Gosh I was hooked ! I loved it so much I cried :) I don't know if it was tears of joy or just bottle up emotions but I was balling my eyes out. Thank God I was alone! Then later on I proceed to listen to dont smile at me and I cried even harder!
The thing is when I first listen to her album I save a few songs and after a couple of days I go back and save every song because I just love them all...some songs do need a little time to grow on me but she is such a vibe. I watch her interviews too and to be honest I think she is so ahead of her time because not many people are putting out albums anymore most people just put out singles to create a buzz then go ghost but she put out albums, do concerts, interviews and meet and greets... she seems like a cool human being.
Her new album happier than ever that came out last week is mind blowing... so much vocals, talent ugh I love it!
Yes I am a fan of her music and I am surprised that it took me this long to like her, she is so amazing :)
2021-08-03T00:30:35+02:00
Smallville but it was a long season, The Good Doctor, Doctor House, Gilmore Girls, I am a little ashamed to admit but Gossip girl not the new one but the old one, All American but they take too long to bring out a new season on Netflix I just finish the third season and now my heart can barely hold until next year, Virgin River, lock & key and among others..
Miss Sloane, the last letter from your lover, Les Miserables, the time traveler's wife, brain on fire, the guernsey literary & potato peel ie society, wild child, resort to love, before I fall (I read the book in high school), catch me if you can, charlie's angel, the old guard, the prince & me, collateral beauty (get your tissues ready you will cry), life as we know it, 2 hearts (you will cry a lot), Audrey because I am obsessed with Audrey Hepburn, I care a lot, Rebecca, the saint... there's more that I like but I think that's enough.
come out and play, everything I wanted, hostage, bored, therefore I am, i love you, when the Party's over, I didn't change my number(100%), and happier than ever. I like bellyache but I don't think I relate to it
But I have her new album that was released on Friday saved on Spotify actually I pre-saved it since May and I've been waiting, I love her new album my favorite songs so far are NDA, oxytocin, Goldwing, Halley's comet.
spaghetti, macaroni, or pasta in general.
seafood broil, tacos (my way), Ribeye steak & shrimp with mash potato with a side of either green beans or broccoli, grilled salmon... and some Haitian food that I won't mention
SNL on youtube at the start of 2020 and let's just say I love it.
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