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“ no one cares about your sad quotes, your 2 am stories talking about being sad. Focus on yourself cry if you need to but always remember no one can save you if you’re not willing to save yourself first.”
2022-09-23T10:41:08+02:00
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2022-09-23T10:36:08+02:00
Make a change with me.
This week I am experiencing intense insomnia and I cannot sleep past 2 am but I am taking this time to self reflect and this is what I’ve gathered. I want to inspire you while i am in the process of improving myself because I believe if I can do it then you can do it too.
- Always believe in yourself. Take time to get to know yourself and always work hard to achieve your goals even if you fail so what? At least you tried something and that is a big thing. You could have stayed where you were but you challenged yourself to try something new and even though you didn’t succeed at first but you were brave enough to try. That was something, believe in yourself and keep trying. Fall 10 times and get up 10 times, I am like a coal roach lol you kill me and I am still here, I am still fighting even with tears in my eyes.
- Rock bottom is a good thing. I have recently hit rock bottom and I didn’t know, I am talking about being depressed, not wanting to get out of bed, crying all the time, feeling alone, keeping to myself, feeling defeated, I was ready to give up on everything but God is here watching me… I am never alone. God has shown me times and times again that I am not alone, even though I was sad God was still blessing me but I was too sad to see it. When you hit rock bottom that’s a good thing let me tell you why: you literally have nothing left to lose! You can start your life over, change your mindset, recreate yourself and start all over again.
- Delete your sad songs. While I was depressed I realize that listening to sad songs only made me sadder and those songs really triggered something in me, they made me feel like it was okay for me to be sad and it’s not! You and I should be happy. We were created to be happy so why am I looking for things to make me sad? Do I hate myself that much? I don’t think so; I am changing my habits because if I want to live a happy life then I have no room to make myself sad on purpose if anything I should strive to be happy.
- People ghosting you is a good thing. Stop thinking someone not answering your text or not returning you call is a bad thing, it’s only a bad thing if you’re chasing after them. If someone find you unworthy of a reply then they don’t deserve to be in your life it’s that simple; just let them go. They have disrespected you enough, the people who want to be in your life will reach out to you and if they want to remain in your life they will tell you when they aren’t able to talk because they respect you enough to let you know that they are busy or going through something. Communication is good but you cannot force someone who doesn’t reply back to you into communicating because there’s nothing to say; you are basically talking to yourself because they don’t want to talk to you. That was a hard thing for me to swallow but if you ghosted me, thank you because you don’t deserve me.
- Do what makes you happy. You know what you need and you know what makes you happy so go after those things. For me I love cats and look I have 2 beautiful cats because that makes me happy. And don’t let people make you feel bad for something that makes you happy, those are not the people you want in your life.
2022-09-23T10:10:07+02:00
Putting yourself first
I have a confession to make, I am a people pleaser and I use to deny that fact because I didn’t like the idea that I am living solely to make other people happy at the detriment of myself. Being a people pleaser is not something you were born to be, life has made me this way.
My mom is a beautiful soul and I take her as my example because she is my role model; I have watched her give and give to people who doesn’t care about her well-being or that she is bending herself backwards just to make sure other people are good while she is suffering yes she is selfless like that. I am like that too, well do I dare say from today on I am not like this anymore. I have give to people my time, my resources, my energy only for them to not give anything to me in return. When you needed me I was there, I was the one who stood by your side and telling you that you could do it, I was the one telling you to keep fighting and not give up meanwhile I was giving up on myself. When you called me I am always there and that goes for every single person who are in my life, I always pick up your phone calls but you never dared to ask me how I was! I was going through a lot mentally but I put all of my problems aside just to listen to you.
You think that was easy for me to just discard myself and be there for you? No it wasn’t, it left me drained because I couldn’t find you when I needed you.
You are always there for people right? Always listening to them while their trauma dumping on you but where are they when you need someone to listen to you? I am writing this and I am crying because I am realizing over and over again that people simply do not care and that’s okay this is my time to start caring about myself now. Not everyone is like you, we were all raised differently from different backgrounds, and not everyone will have a heart like yours. Protect yourself my dear because if you don’t you will lose yourself. Take time to heal and never allow people in your life without setting boundaries.
I honestly feel like a clown for letting people teaching me time and time again that I am not important to them as they are to me; but after realizing this countless of times I have finally get it. I am going to put myself first now. I am going to be selfish with my time because when you keep giving all of your resources to people then you have nothing else to give to yourself. Always remember that you cannot pour into people what you do not have !
2022-09-23T07:42:14+02:00
2022-09-22T21:31:17+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
" My ability to be in your life and to completely disappear without warning is quite shocking."
2022-09-22T20:48:33+02:00
rainy
The rain is not really my cup of tea, especially when I have to go to work but it would be nice if I was at home. Honestly, how are you guys doing on here? I have been neglecting my blog for a while now but only because I have been busy with work and other reckless stuff that could've gotten me in trouble.
I think that I have had the good girl image for a long time now, I have always been the nice and quiet girl but lately I have been anything but those things. I am not suddenly mean but I feel like I made a lot of mistakes in those past few months; I wish I could go back and rectify my actions. I wish I could go back and change everything, make some people forget some things I've said and done. But it's too late now right? what's done is done...
I am learning not to be so self righteous and not to say " this can't ever happen to me" because life has a funny way of teaching us lessons we didn't even think we need. I am still a good girl ! I haven't gone wild or anything and I don't plan on changing who I am anytime soon.
I guess this is just a little something for you to remember that you can change at any given time but never lose sight of who you are and never lose sight of what's really important to you. Have a great afternoon :)
2022-09-22T15:27:17+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
today is a gloomy day...and I don't like it at all.
2022-09-20T02:44:52+02:00
Gia Carangi
" when I look in the mirror, I just want to like myself... and if I like myself, then I look good." -Gia
she was a beautiful model in the 1970s and she looked so beautiful; I love her aesthetic. I first came across her through an autobiography starring Angelina Jolie it's actually on HBO. I think Gia is so mysterious and most people don't really know much about her except that she had a drug addiction, in my opinion, she was just a beautiful soul who didn't receive the love she deserved. When I was researching about her, I could barely find anything about her except her beautiful pictures and a weird interview on youtube where she was twitching, it looks like she was going through drug redraw.
she looked really shy, kept to herself but needless to say she was extremely gorgeous. she made street style chic, you could dress a woman in Dior but standing next to Gia that woman would look basic. She was born to just be beautiful, but she was in a lot of pain and her parents were not there for her.
she had a fear of abandonment, she was neglected as a child and she hang around the wrong crowd. she was first discovered by a modeling agency who took pictures of her which required her to strip naked and she did, after that, all was history she became one of the first successful supermodels. The 70s was about sex, drugs, and rock n roll so she was doing what everyone else was doing... she was a rebellious teenager.
she died really young from AIDS, it's quite a tragic story and I just love her pictures. I really wished she never took any drugs but sadly she chose her own destiny. This post is not about all the mistakes she made, this is an appreciation post because she was a very incredible girl. She is one of my favorite super models :)
2022-09-19T16:55:29+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
« there are real friends and there are people who only contact you when they need you, know the difference. »
2022-09-14T16:51:40+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
The silence of our unspoken words hung loudly in the air,
I am not sure why I am still here and why I am still hoping that it will get better.
It eats away at my soul each time my eyes fall on you and I can't talk to you.
I'm afraid there won't be much left of me if I keep feeling the way I feel,
there will just be a body of a girl in desperate need to speak to you.