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2021-10-01T14:52:59+02:00
" Some days I want to go completely off the grid, getting a flip phone change my number and move to another state; but then I realize how messed up that is to just disappear in front of everyone eyes without saying goodbye."
2021-09-29T19:14:28+02:00
"Last week I wanted to shed a few pounds but this morning I look at myself in the mirror and I see nothing that I want to change. I was fine last week and I am even better today."
2021-09-29T17:12:28+02:00
That day I wrote a list of things that I like and I said I quote " I love Marley a lot. If you know me then you know who Marley is." Uhm Not that anyone care to know but Uhm Marley is not a man and this is the part it gets weird lol Marley is actually a cat on instagram his last name is Malin and uhm wow this is getting weirder but he has a brother named pumpkin!
Well the reason for this confession is that I am hoping Archie will get along well with the new kitten just like Marley is with Pumpkin :) I think their chemistry is so beautiful they inspire me to get another cat to keep Archie company.
Marley and Pumpkin :)
2021-09-29T14:19:21+02:00
Today I am not mad anymore, I am excited about lunch because I didn't eat breakfast and I am already hungry at 8:07 am. I am working so breakfast is out of the question which is fine with me because I am on a diet so my only great meal of the day is my lunch. I don't advise anyone to skip breakfast but I can do it for today plus I have an apple not that it's going to make any change but it is something. Before I get into the topic let me just make a joyful announcement, Archie's sister had her first litter she gave birth to 3-4 kittens! I am so excited because I want one of them by next month. I will probably take a week off work to make sure that Archie and the new kitten are getting along because I don't want to go to work to come back to a dead kitten, I will be devastated and my heart will be broken.
I am not sure that anyone understands just how much I love cats; I don't only love Archie but I love all cats. I want to help them, nurture them and find great homes for them which is why I want to become a foster mom to cats. I don't care what it looks like because it's all about the stray cats in the streets, I want to rescue them one by one nurture them, and find them great homes. It makes me sad when I see a withdrawn and sad cat because I know that they've been through a lot, they don't deserve all that pain. After I rescue them I will not keep them all lol I know it will be hard to give them away because I will probably bond with all of them; well I'll have a board on a wall with all the cats I fell in love with actually I think all the cats I rescue will end up on the wall. What inspired me to do this for cats in need is a YouTube channel called flatbushcats and I have been watching the YouTuber carefully getting the friendly cats off the streets and helping them slowly get adjusted so they can finally go to their forever homes. I won't be able to do that now because I need a bigger place so I can have a space in the house designed for cats in need so that Archie is away from all of that.
I want to make that happen in the next 5 years, hopefully, sooner because I know that it will bring me more joy and a feeling of purpose but it's not about me. Those cats really need help, when I see them I cry because I just want to help them all :( so for now I'll just keep bringing them food when I see them.
2021-09-28T17:36:58+02:00
"I really hate being mad because all I feel is this burning rage inside of me, but I remain quiet because If I move or say anything I will put both me and the person in great danger... so please leave me alone."
which is why I thank God for giving me self control in times like today because I am sacred of my own thoughts.
2021-09-28T15:31:52+02:00
1. drinking coffee. I see a lot of people getting addicted to coffee and going crazy about Starbucks drinks but when I taste them they're so awful and sour I don't know, am I missing something? I guess I have a sweet tongue. But honestly, all those drinks annoy me like what is so good about a pumpkin latte? shot of expresso? that can literally kill me because my heart will race so much that I wish it could just stop.
2. people putting their relationship problems on the internet. I think it's just pointless like why don't they just call the person or meet with the person to discuss the problem? why am I part of this? but somehow it's really entertaining so of course, I will watch it because what else is there to do? it's like a free reality show displaying on my phone so thank you! I think they want to show off? oh wait! do they want us to help them solve the problem for them? I'm sorry but I am not a relationship guru or a counselor so no I cannot just insert myself into a relationship that I have no business in.
3. No sleeves jackets. Like why? are you cold or hot? actually I will not roast anyone for wearing them because in middle school I had one but I had no sense of fashion at that time so that doesn't count. But honestly I don't see the point of them if you're just going to wear a long sleeve under it, oh wait I think that's the point.
4. people not using Spotify. I just can't imagine any other decent music streaming app out there better than Spotify, I don't get the point of Pandora or apple music because I tried them but I didn't like them.
5. people using any other GPS than google maps. Ever since I started driving I was using google maps so using anything other than that is not registered in my brain like if I use the apple map my brain will glitched and I will probably end up in a ditch.
2021-09-27T14:49:34+02:00
Ever since this pandemic started which feels like forever we all have gathered good and bad habits more than usual. These are some of the good habits I have fought to keep and maybe we can do it together. :)
1. getting enough sleep. I always try to get 8 hours of sleep or at least 7 hours, and I have a bedtime time now; it's actually at 9:30 pm or latest 10:30pm and if I stay later than that I will feel bad the next day. One thing that has helped is setting up a bedtime setting on phone so that I won't get any notification that would normally keep me up, so if I can't see anything then I am not up checking my phone because I am asleep.
3. not watching too many shows. Well I am still struggling with that one and the reason why I hate watching shows is because I get swept up in it and I forget everything else with the fact that I want to know the whole story in one day or one week which is bad because other parts of my life are suffering due to the fact that I am too distracted.
4. spending wisely. As a former shopaholic I know that spending money is my weakness so I have been trying not to spend if it's not needed. Actually spending wisely is the best thing anyone can do for themselves.
5. finding new hobbies. I've had phases where I like one thing but then the next day I wouldn't but I have learn to find something else so that leaves me with many hobbies but writing never left me; I thank God for that. I guess writing has always been one thing that never left me even if everyone else did but instead I get better at it every single day... Thanks To Jah.
6. drinking water. Uhm I might be lying on that one lol I don't drink enough water and it has always been that way but I drink way more water than I did in the past.
7. Eating healthy. I rather cook for myself instead of getting takeout's because I feel much better when I cook for myself and I am currently on a diet so I kind of have to cook to respect that diet; It's working out quite well for me.
8. creating boundaries. Mostly with toxic people... which we all need to stay away from and if we have to talk to them we have to protect ourselves.
Despite every habit I learn over the past year the best one so far has been trying to have self control in all things and I am still learning...
One piece of advice for whoever is reading this, don't ever stop trying to be better than who you once were... This has been a hard journey but we all need to get there at some point.
2021-09-26T22:59:25+02:00
" I can write about love all day and I can write stories about a man & a woman madly in love but all those stories are fiction. I have no idea what love is between a man and a woman let alone knowing what it's like to be consumed by love. I have no idea what love feels like but I can always make up stories and create a love story that I'll never experience but I am willing to create it because it helps me to feel better knowing that there is a slight possibility that I will feel it one day."
2021-09-26T22:51:22+02:00
" Truth is I don't mind dying alone or not finding true love anymore because all I really want in life is to be happy and fulfilled all my dreams."
"I used to want a fairytale story and forced myself to dream about finding my one true love because of the poet living inside of me. I was holding on to love because I couldn't stand the thought of not being able to hold someone and wanting to give up my life for them. But now all I want is: to be happy and to do all the things that I've always wanted to do."
2021-09-26T04:38:40+02:00
" You don't know what it's like to be in love with you, it's like every ounce of my body is telling me that you're the only one who can make everything right again. That sort of feeling consumes you and strips away all your pride leaving you vulnerable and craving one thing."
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