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“ he’s obsessed and I wish he wasn’t because now I gotta get a restraining order.”
2024-01-12T13:53:31+01:00
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2024-01-12T04:10:14+01:00
2024-01-11T18:50:47+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Attachment style.
As humans we all have our own attachment style that stems from our upbringing. There are 3 attachment style “ anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and secure attachment” It is important for you to know which one might be your style, by knowing what attachment style you have you can improve your relationship with yourself and other people.
As an avoidant attachment person, I know dating a person with an anxious attachment will require a lot of work and I might break their heart without meaning to if I am not careful.
The myths about the avoidant attachment style
- We are cold and we don’t care about others. That is so wrong! We care a lot, but we may not know how to express that because it’s hard for us to be vulnerable.
- We can’t be vulnerable. We can be vulnerable but only to a certain extinct and around the people that we trust. We didn’t grow up to be emotionless (will explain in another bullet as well) but as a result of our childhood we grew up not being able to be fully open about our needs or feelings because the environment we grew up in as a young child was either not safe or not welcoming enough (with therapy we can finally learn the right way to open up and ask for help when we need it)
- We don't or can’t love anyone. That’s soooo wrong! We love very deeply but we can never express that love in a way that the person can understand it well. We hold a lot in our hearts, we might want to say something, but we just don’t know how to say it. We love just like anyone else but that love scares us so we run away from it because we are afraid of being hurt by being this vulnerable (again we can’t be vulnerable that easily) we are very stoic individuals so therefore people don’t really know when we are hurting or in love!
- We are cold and emotionless: that’s wrong! Because we always avoid conflict or intimacy because we are scared people might think that we are cold! We simply don’t want to face the possibility of being too vulnerable, so we avoid conflicts or anything that will make us get in touch with our feelings because that is so uncomfortable for us! We would rather be busy to distract our minds then to sit still with our feelings, we avoid self-reflecting because we don’t want to feel the pain… we may be alone in the house, but our mind is busy while watching tv or scrolling on social media, so we are never really alone!
Most avoidants don’t purposefully do hurtful things it’s just our natural reactions to how we’ve learned to survive. Avoidants want to be understood but are scared of rejection. They need love and understanding.
I’m so avoidant, I avoid relationships all together. I don’t care about being vulnerable, it’s more like “why do I need to tell you my issues, it’s not your job to fix me” since I know they're temporary.
An avoidant in love, will work on their issues or at least try therapy to make you feel welcome in their lives. I have done a lot of things to help me express my love better, even though I still struggle with it. Therapy has helped me with that in the past…
It might be hard for an avoidant to spend time with others and fill other people’s cup because they struggle with filling their own cup so how can they fill someone else’s cup? Most of the time when I help someone, I myself also need help and of course I will never ask for us until my back is against the wall and there’s nothing else that I can do. Growing up as a teenager I felt very disconnected with the people around me; a lot of my needs were unmet so therefore I found a way cope with the lack of things that I didn’t have. we need journal and self-reflect even if that it is terrifying.
2024-01-11T18:08:32+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
People be thinking I don’t care about them, the whole time my inner monologue is screaming how much I adore them but can’t vocalize it
2024-01-11T03:04:48+01:00
2024-01-11T01:12:26+01:00
2024-01-10T19:50:25+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
" I don't care who you are as a person or what you do for a living you just have to respect me, If I've done nothing to you and all you find in your heart towards me is hostility then you no longer exist to me. I won't even try to talk to you because why do I have to beg you to be nice to me? I am enough as a person and if you can't see that then that is not my problem."
2024-01-10T19:44:57+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
" I replay the conversation in my head, and I see myself standing up to you.
Alone I can tell you all the things I am afraid to say to your face."
2024-01-10T14:39:43+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Memo.
You don’t have to be obsessed with my cats, but you need to respect them if you want to be in my life. You need to understand how important they are to me, the way you view them will determine where you fit in my life. When I want to die, I just have to think about them and I find a reason to live, they save me out of a dark place. When I think about them, I feel happier, they give me a purpose and fill a little bit of void in my heart. Archie was sent to me by God, I wasn’t looking for him, but he found me. I was in a place of deep sadness, sorrows, thoughts of suicide did cross my mind but when I found Archie all of that changed. He made me so happy; he saved me, and God knew what I needed so he sent me Archie. You don’t have to love cats, but you will need to respect my cats. I don’t care who you are if you hate my cats you can’t be in my life period…
My cats have done nothing to you. They are beautiful, loveable, cuddly, soft, disciplined and clean. If you can’t accept them then leave me alone because I can never give up on the souls that saved me from death. They bring life into my heart, they me bring joy, and love in my life how can I let them go?
My heart fills with love when I look at their furry little face, I would go to war for them.
2024-01-10T03:16:00+01:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
“ we’re friends but you will never call. We’re friends but we fight everyday. We’re friends but you would rather invite anyone else. We’re friends but you hate when I call or text. We’re friends but you never ask how I’m doing. We’re friends but you never stay. We’re friends but you never want to accept my friend request. We’re friends but you don’t even know my name. We’re friends but you don’t know what I like. We’re friends but we can never hang out. We might as well be strangers because we have nothing to offer each other…”