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2026-03-12T02:56:51+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R

Deep questions :

What does safety means to me?

safety to me is being able to relax and not having to keep my guard up because I trust the person I’m with. This is huge to me because I don’t trust just anyone, before I can admit that I trust anyone my body tells me that i do feel safe around them so I let myself be.

When do I feel most alone?

normally after faking being happy, when I am finally alone I can feel myself morphing back into the sad person I’m trying to run away from. I can tell when I’m faking being happy because my laugh is not genuine and I am normally very anxious. Realizing that I’m not happy makes me feel alone.

What helps me feel connected?

being around people who shares the same interests as me makes me feel part of something and it keeps me grounded. Being part of a book club, a project that I like, planning an event that I am looking forward to.

What part  of me needs love?

mostly the part of me that feels broken. When I’m sad I want to still be loved for who I was when I was happy. My depression doesn’t define me and I still want to be loved when I am in that state of mind.

Who makes me feel seen?

people who remembers small details about me or a story I told them a long time ago… those things make me feel seen, valued and appreciated 

What can I give myself today? 
Rest.

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2026-03-10T20:54:28+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R

As someone with an avoidant attachment style, some people might think that I simply avoid love and intimacy because I don't want it. But really who doesn't want love? I would de a psychopath if I were to despise love. I am scared of being hurt but not the feeling of love or being loved. At this point in my life I should really take dating seriously and I want to for the right person, I am only getting older and I want a family. I want to have kids but dating isn't something I find exciting anymore. The older I get the more avoidant I become! Dating feels boring to me. Getting ready to go on a date doesn't even sound appealing anymore. I am thinking about what should I wear, what's his first impression of me, do I like him? is this another disappointment? Is this even worth my time? I just don't have it in me to just try and see how it goes. I have been disappointed so many times that being alone sounds better than having to wonder if this guys actually loves me.

I just want to be happy, I guess I could adopt my daughter and buy a house... get a puppy and live peacefully. If you haven't noticed I am a simple girl, I just want a peaceful life. I want a garden, lots of books with miniature dragons on the book shelf. I want a dog too and can't forget my 2 beautiful cats.

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2026-03-09T21:51:18+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R

I am sick.

I was battling my allergy this week end because my cats are shedding a lot and I am in fact allergic to their fur when it's coming out in chunks, and it's happening right now because spring is coming so they're shedding their winter coats. I love my cats and I would give my life for them. I don't think I could love anything more than the way I love my cats but my allergies were soooo bad this week end but now I have a common cold!? 

I am sneezing a lot, runny nose, chest congestion.... I went to the gym this morning but I couldn't go hard it was physically impossible for me to go hard. I feel so weak, I need to get cold medicine on top of the ginger tea that I have been drinking. My period is coming this week ugh kill me now... that will be the final nail in the coffin...I'll check back by the end of the week to tell you if I'm alive.

 

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2026-03-09T21:44:29+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R

" The idea of you with her tantalizes me, I can't even look at you after knowing you gave her your lips freely. She memorized your face, she held you close, she knows every stroke, every breath and every touch...How am I suppose to feel? I can't have you when I know you've been with HER."

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2026-03-08T15:30:35+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R

I finished the first book in the fourth wing series ! It was 654 pages I finished it in 6 days. It was a slow start, I would have finished it earlier but last week I was really tired and I had to go to bed early. 

 

I admit when I started reading the first one I was completely lost, I didn’t really like everything but I pushed through it because I wanted to see how the dynamic between Violet and Xaden would unfold. I am glad I didn’t stop reading because this book was worth every slow night I was battling to keep my eyes open to finish a chapter. When I got to page 200 I was hooked! It got sooo interesting that I could not put the book down. Let me tell you all about it. 

 

In this book violet is supposed to go to the riders wing even if she trained to be a scribe her whole life. The difference between the two is that riders ride dragons, they have powers that they Chanel from their dragons and they also bond with their dragons meaning their dragons can read their thoughts, get access to their memory, the dragon can only speak to them in their minds once the dragon chose them as their rider. They fight in battles to protect the kingdom but first they must go to a riders college where they go from first wing to fourth wing which is the final year. Violet is in first wing because she just joined the riders quadrant even if she wanted to go to the scribe quadrant but her mother who’s also the army’s general forced her to join the riders quadrant because all the sorrengail were riders so violet cannot be a scribe. A scribe is basically someone who knows about all the history and memorize everything there is to know about the kingdom, they don’t fight but they stay in the library and in the archives… they study all day, do research and read a lot. Violet’s dad was a scribe but he died of heart condition after her brother Brennan died. Brennan was a rider and he was a mender, he was not a healer but he could mend broken bones and do way more than a healer can. 

 

Xaden has a rebellion relic tattoo on his neck which is a symbol that shows that his parents were traitors to the kingdom. Violet’s mother killed his family when he was child and he was in foster care but with the condition that he will join the riders quadrant when he gets older. So he did, part of him think he had no other choice because being a rider is dangerous, you could die at any given moment, sure they didn’t kill him as child but what better way to ensure his death was more inevitable than by making him join the riders quadrant and put him out in the front line to fight at battles. He’s not the only rebel there’s many more but xaden is the leader. 
 

Violet joins the riders quadrant and at first she was scared but she managed to survive with her sister’s help. Her sister gave her a shield to protect her from being killed by other riders. Each day new riders die either during a challenge or by fighting one another. Violet met xaden and instantly she felt she had to stay away from him, xaden said he will kill her when he gets the chance. But each time he had the chance to kill he doesn’t do it. Violet managed to stay alive to reach threshing which is when a dragon pick their rider, she tried saving a small golden dragon named Andarna because she became a target to some of the other contestant and they wanted to kill her ! She stepped in and saved her but right after a big black dragon landed next to her and he spoke to her! Which can only means the black dragon chose her! How can it be because black dragons are rare and they almost never bond with other riders but this one did and his name is Tairn short for Tairneanach. During presentation she arrived with Tairn and the small golden dragon Ardarna, then both of them gaver her their full names which meant both of them chose her! The counsel could not believe it because two dragons have never picked one rider before but after discussing the matter they could do nothing but accept it because humans have no say in the dragons choices. Some people didn’t like violet because her mom killed a lot of innocent people to keep the kingdom safe, but after she bounded 2 dragons she became an even bigger target to the riders that didn’t bond any dragons. One night they came in her room and attacked her in her sleep that’s when xaden came in and killed them all to save Violet! Because Violet bonded Tairn meant xaden couldn’t kill her because his dragon is mated with violet’s dragon, they’re a mated pair! So they can’t hurt each other if Violet dies xaden dies and the dragons might not survive! Violet had a friend named Dain and I hated him! Ugh he would always try to bring Violet to the scribe quadrant and he would be so pessimistic. He didn’t believe Violet would survive he always thought of her as weak but time and time again Violet would prove how brave and resilient she was. After the attack xaden who’s the wing leader gave Liam the mission to be at violet’s side to keep her safe. 

 

They were sent into a mission and they encountered a lot of trouble Liam dies (I cried) and Violet got struck with a poison dagger. Xaden took her to another town to a so called healer, Violet was unconscious by that point xaden and Violet fell in love ( I fast forward because it was a lot) 

Then Violet finally woke up after being in a coma for 3 days, she kissed xaden … then her brother Brennan came in the room saying “welcome to the revolution” the end omg I forgot to say Violet can wield lightening that’s her power and xaden can wield shadows and darkness.

 

Omg this book was something now I have to go to the grocery store and cook! Bye 


 


 

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2026-03-07T18:21:36+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R

I don’t like being connected to everything and I don’t like knowing what other people are doing. Those things are none of my business, especially if we don’t hang out and we’re not friends. I feel like it’s an invasion of privacy when someone tells me what’s going on, I don’t need to know. I hate it so much, don’t keep me in the loop because I do not care. I don’t care about who’s getting married, who’s getting a divorce, who’s buying a house, who got broken up with… those things are none of my business and I’m not friends with those people, respectfully leave me out of it. 

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2026-03-05T16:54:55+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R

this week I am staying quiet, no bid decisions. I am extremely moody, angry, and I want to eat everything! If I don't gain 10lbs that would be shocking! ugh I hate it. I feel like I am in pain but not really...

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2026-03-04T17:36:15+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R

My morning session at the gym was rough this morning, I’m going through my luteal phase right now which means I eat everything under the sun :( I feel so weak! I couldn’t lift as heavy but still a bit heavy. I refuse to lift low weights if I can go a bit higher, it took me a while to get to where I am now with my lifts and I’m afraid if I go down in weights just because “I don’t feel like it” I will ruin my progress. I will only go down in weights if I’m injured or in pain but at that point I might as well take a step back from working out all together and rest until I’m better. 

I am still reading fourth wing but slowly because this week I’m tired, weak and so I sleep a lot more…. My luteal phase is kicking my butt. 

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2026-03-02T00:32:36+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R

Silent patient. 

Part 2

 

In part 1 I wrote about how Alicia Berenson was sent to a psych ward after killing her husband and after the murder she stopped speaking. Now she has Theo has her therapist trying to help her speak. Turns out Theo’s wife was cheating on him when he finds flirty emails on her laptop. Theo decided not to leave his wife but instead he chose to ignore everything that he saw in her laptop and move forward as if nothing happened. 

 

Theo is still investigating what happened on the days leading up to when Alicia killed her husband. He wanted to find out what happened and finds out Christian who’s another therapist working at the psych ward knew Alicia prior to the murder shocking! He confronted Christian but Theo chose not to tell anyone. As a way to help Alicia speak he brought in painting supplies for Alicia to paint in a way to express herself creatively but another patient at the psych ward vandalized one of Alicia’s painting, Alicia got mad and stabbed the other patient with a paint brush. Because of what happened the director of the psych ward decided to stop Alicia’s therapy sessions with Theo, claiming her behavior is likely due to the sessions being too much for her. Theo went to tell Alicia that he won’t be her therapist anymore after what happened, in response Alicia gave Theo her diary! Theo read her diary and kept investigating. He then kept seeing Alicia on the low, then out of nowhere Alicia started speaking! She told him what happened. Which was that a man has been stalking her and watching her house, then one day the man came in the house held her at gun point and tied her up. The man then waited for Theo to get home and the man killed Theo! Could it be that Alicia was innocent this whole time!? 

 

Theo didn’t believe Alicia he kept saying no that’s not true but he didn’t Alicia anything he just looked at her and ended the session. Theo then went home but when he came back to the psych ward Alicia was in a comma because allegedly she took some pill and overdosed. But Theo investigated Alicia’s body and saw needle marks on her wrist suggesting someone injected her with morphine by trying to kill her! 

Theo immediately went to the director and accused Christian of what happened. Then the cops came in and arrested Christian. The whole time Theo was looking for Alicia’s diary but he couldn’t find it. Then he went home, then a detective came to see him. Theo was surprised but then the detective pulled out Alicia’s journal and read her last entry which stated 

“Theo just left. I am alone. I’m writing this as fast as I can. I haven’t got

much time. I’ve got to get this down while I still have the strength.

I thought I was crazy at first. It was easier to think I was crazy than believe

it was true. But I’m not crazy. I’m not.

That first time I met him in the therapy room, I wasn’t sure—there was

something familiar about him, but different—I recognized his eyes, not just

the color but the shape. And the same smell of cigarettes and smoky

aftershave. And the way he formed words, and the rhythm of his speech—

but not the tone of his voice, it seemed different somehow. So I wasn’t sure—

but the next time we met, he gave himself away. He said the same words—

the exact same phrase he’d used at the house, burned into my memory:

“I want to help you—I want to help you see clearly.”

As soon as I heard that, something in my brain clicked and the jigsaw came

together—the picture was complete.

It was him.

And something in me took over, some kind of wild animal instinct. I wanted

to kill him, kill or be killed—I leaped on him and tried to strangle him and

scratch his eyes out, bash his skull to pieces on the floor. But I didn’t

succeed in killing him, and they held me down and drugged me and locked

me up. And then—after that I lost my nerve. I started to doubt myself again…”

 

She wrote more but she said Theo was the man who was following her! And he’s the one who came in the house because Kathy was cheating with Alicia husband. He then ask Alicia’s husband to chose between his life or Alicia life to which he responded “I want to live” Alicia fell silent Theo shoot the ceiling and left leaving the gun next to Alicia. Alicia then took the gun and shoot her husband!

 Basically Theo pushed her in some way to kill her husband because not only she found out her husband was cheating on her but she also finds out that he would rather choose his own life instead of saving Alicia !

 

As the detective read what Alicia wrote Theo smiled feeling relieved ?! 

Then the end!

 

Omg my jaw was on the floor! I was so shocked I couldn’t believe my eyes because what do you mean Theo the therapist was the vilain all along?!

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2026-03-01T22:23:56+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R

 

At times I have no fight left in me to prove that I am right. If you tell me the sky is yellow and I know it’s blue I won’t even fight you on it if you’re adamant that it’s yellow, then it’s yellow. I know I’m right but I’ll act like you gave me some new information to ponder over. I feel defeated lately, not sure how I am doing mentally. I feel as though everything I do is wrong, the friends I make, the people I like… I feel all of these people are wrong for me but yet I do nothing. Of course I don’t try to deepen our relationship, I try to keep a safe distance. 

 

If I text you and you don’t answer after two days your number is not in my phone, a friend wouldn’t do that to me. They would answer my text, why be fake? I’ll avoid you. I know we all have priorities and I don’t expect anyone to put me first; but at least don’t put me last. I am tired, exhausted even. I don’t even know what to say, how to act, what to be… I feel lost. 

 

I am reading the fourth wing now and it’s amazing. I finished silent patient last night, I’ll come back to tell you all about it but I have to do my laundry now and wash my hair. 

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