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I have been spiraling the past few days but that was a long time coming. I have been avoiding my feelings for a very long time and recently I just started to let myself feel again. It hit me hard all at once, I had a few panic attacks, anxiety attacks, derealization...I haven't been depressed thank God but I have been feeling so much all at once that I am not sure what to name this episode.
One thing that keeps me grounded is having a routine and having structure in my life without any of that I might as well be dead. I have a to-do list for every days of my life, I need to feel like I am working towards a goal. I am very discipline that's my favorite quality about myself, I always make sure I end up where I need to be even if it takes time trust me when I tell you I will make it happen. I set reasonable goals but I don't limit myself, I'd rather work slowly and gradually to attain my goals than to work all at once and get burnt out. For example I set a goal to read 50 books this year but I am already 7 books ahead but that doesn't mean I will stop at 50 books, I will keep reading until the clock hits midnight by 12/31. I never back down, I work really hard day and day out. I have been working out 7 days straight for the past 5 weeks and I will keep going until the day that I can't but as long as I feel capable, I will get myself in that gym. Nor rain, thunder or heartbreak will stop me on my track I need to keep going because when I stop it's hard for me to get back up.
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