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2026-08-22T19:17:53+02:00
I’m going through the luteal phase again, I am almost in the thick of it. I feel exhausted, sad, unmotivated and overall just not in the mood. I don’t like it at all, I can still workout for now well I can still lift heavy but I don’t know about next week.
2026-08-22T02:24:42+02:00
None of it was real , taking about it seems pointless and thinking about it feels tedious.
2026-08-19T16:52:03+02:00
weird things that I genuinely enjoy lol:
2026-08-18T15:24:30+02:00
I will be talking about my cats and if you don't like cats well, I don't know what to tell you! because I will be talking about them. My cats have different personalities and I find it fascinating! how is it that two animals from the same species, same breed, same family even have totally different way of living lol!
Archie is Pixie's uncle, but I raise them as brothers. Archie's sister had Pixie in April 2023, and I got him 3 months later. I got Archie in February 2021, but he was born in December 2020. I remember the day I got both of my cats as clear as yesterday!
so quick backstory:
when I got Archie, I was going through a very dark time, it was at the height of the pandemic and I was severely depressed, I had really bad acne and I gained way too much weight! I wanted a cat for what felt like forever, but I simply could not get one. Until one day my cousin's wife reached out to me and told me that a lady is giving away kittens! she sent me pictures and I was immediately sold! I contacted the lady and bought Archie for $50. It was 1.30 hour away from me and I was working during the week, so I went to pick up Archie on a Saturday after field service! but that Friday I went to the pet store and bought cat supplies. I spent close to $200 in cat supply! I bought a pineapple cat bed that Archie never uses except to bring him home in, I bought litter box, litter, a cat bowl, a cat mat to put the bowl on, a scratching post, a brush, toothpaste with a toothbrush, toys... a bunch of stuff. I remember the lady at the register told me, " wow this cat is going to have a good life" and he does lol! Archie was soooo spoil as my first cat. I brought him to the vet that Monday to get his vaccines and to check for fleas and worms. Archie was the cutest kitten! he was sassy, he looked like a girl, he had the greenest eyes I have ever seen, he was very organized, very chill...
I got Pixie July 2023, mostly for Archie. After I moved in my apartment, Archie was very depressed and he looked lonely so I figured why not get him a companion? it was the best decision I ever made for him even if at times I questioned it because he fights a lot with pixie but hey that's what brothers do, at the end of the day I know they love each other very much and they cannot stand being separated from one another. I know this because one day I had to drop off Pixie at the vet for a procedure and Pixie spent the whole entire day at the vet, Archie was soooo sad you could see it in his face, he didn't eat, he laid on me the whole day until Pixie came home then after that he ate lol. When I got Pixie home, he was so tiny and I was scared that Archie would hurt him because Archie is really big and muscular! but no Archie is like a teddy bear when it came to pixie. He hissed at Pixie, but he didn't do anything to him. Pixie cried the whole way home in the car, Archie loves car rides and he didn't make a sound, he slept but not pixie! As soon as pixie came home, he fell asleep on the table! like who does that? he didn't walk around to investigate nothing he just fell asleep like that's his house even Archie was confused! But anyway, he transitioned very well, the very next day I let him out and Archie didn't do anything to him. Of course, he was not happy, but he wasn't sad about it either, he found Pixie fascinating. Archie inserted his dominance and pixie never questioned him on it to this day lol
their personalities:
Archie: very anxious, entitled, possessive with his toys, his feeding bowl and with me lol if he is laying on me and Pixie comes, he will hiss at pixie and dramatically get up and run away. He has to eat first! when it's feeding time if I don't put his food in his bowl first, he won't eat for the day! I guess he sees himself as the king and he needs to eat first? he doesn't like sharing his bowl, he doesn't eat in pixie's bowl like ever! he likes to sleep on high surfaces, he hates being held, doesn't like belly scratch not even for 3 seconds, likes to sleep near my belly, doesn't like when I discipline him by slightly hitting him, he will hit me back! I discipline him by spraying water on him he hates that. He hates showers, hates food pâte it has to be shredded wet food otherwise he's not eating. He rolls his eyes at me every day when he's annoyed... likes being petted but, on his terms, he looks big, mean and scary and he is lol but with me he's very chill, he's very antisocial with both people and other cats! I have to clean Archie because he is not flexible when it comes to reach his butt ughhhhh he can be disgusting, but his face just looks so adorable.
Pixie: very chill, very considerate, very affectionate, loves being carried around the house, he looks smaller compared to Archie, has a childlike personality, he has the cutest green eyes in contrast to the black fur around his eyes! he never fights me, never scratched me, loves being petted, sleeps anywhere, eat anything, never roll his eyes at me and I don't think he knows how to do it, he never looks annoyed, he always looks enamored with me or with anything, he's the peace maker thank God because Archie is the fight Starter but don't get it twisted Pixie will defend himself, he doesn't care if I feed him first or last he just wants the food, he's easy going, very social with people and other cats. He plays all day, he has no problem playing by himself if Archie is being mean, he doesn't take things serious like Archie, he moves on really fast, he is not petty at all, not resentful like Archie. I love him sooo much it hurts! Pixie is my easiest cat... he is very clean; he's always grooming himself. He doesn't like to sleep on me; he always sleeps at my feet or next to my head.
I love both of my cats but they are night and day when you compare them
2026-08-17T14:05:38+02:00
some people have been telling me "Oh I wish I could read and workout just like you" to be honest it's not easy at all. My reasoning for doing those things will shock you!
I don't read for pleasure, yeah, I do enjoy it but it's not the main reason as to why I read so many books. I read to escape my reality. I do enjoy my life, and I think I have it good, I have everything I could possibly need. But deep down I do feel like something is missing and I am not talking about a relationship with a man. Dating was never my priority, I always do casual...I just don't think it's for me, but I do want it...I guess I haven't found the right person. Wait what are we talking about? well I read because I don't want to think about the future. I have a problem with time, I feel like time is chasing me and I am already behind... ask me why I feel this way? I don't know, maybe I am just an anxious person who's obsessed with a timeline.
I don't only work out to look good, that may even come last! I work out for my mental health. When I don't do it, I feel like a fat slob who's good for nothing! I don't even know how I look! I have mild body dysmorphia...some days I feel fat and other days I feel good about myself which is why I think it's mild. I wasn't diagnosed or anything, I am just guessing. Perhaps I don't have it, and most women have those thoughts at some point in their lives who knows? either way I don't work out for fun. I do it to stay sane.
2026-08-13T20:07:35+02:00
end of summer reading list:
2026-08-11T13:54:57+02:00
Football season is starting by the end of august and I am excited. I took a break from watching football after France got eliminated out of the world cup. It was a hard watch, I was sooo devastated I had to change all of my electronic wallpapers to something else. Everytime I would look at my phone I would get sad that Mbappe didn't win the worldcup so I had to change the pictures. But all of that is behind me, I am glad Argentina didn't win the world cup because I would have been even more devastated.
I am ready to support my man at real Madrid. I will always love Mbappe, what he is doing in football is incredible and his talent is unmatched. Although he didn't win the world cup nor the champions league he is still the first contender to win ballon d'or! he won world cup and la Liga golden boots! he is just of this world. I love him! yes, he is dating that white girl and if he's happy then I am happy for him. I want him to get married and have a family like Cristiano Ronaldo, I was sad seeing him always attending award ceremonies alone and single or with his dad now he will have someone. I am not one of those crazy people that would bash his girlfriend, I'll support them both. I love Mbappe as a player and nothing more. He and Neymar made me fall in love with football again, for that I will forever be grateful. Can't wait to see my baby scoring goals again!! by the way the real Madrid squad is more dangerous now that Bernado Silva, konate, cucurella sign like what!??? I can't wait to see them play. This season will be epic I can feel it.
2026-08-10T04:42:34+02:00
One book I read in high school that seriously traumatized me at the time was we the bell jar by Sylvia Plath. Surprisingly it was one of my favorite books! It still is but I don’t think reading that book in high school was a good idea. It was way too soon to read that, especially at the time I was navigating my own mental health issues. Of course I felt understood the entire time I was reading it but knowing what happened to her always made me feel sad.
She did kill herself by sticking her head in an oven, she died of carbon monoxide poisoning. Uhmmm the entire book titled the bell jar which is my favorite depicted how alone and misunderstood she felt. I read it when I was 16-17 years old and I wish I waited until I was at least 21 to read it because it was too much for me considering what I was already going through. One of my favorite book from high school is the catcher in the rye! A classic! It’s a great book and I want to read it again. Also it’s about a 16 year old kid named Holden who was kicked out of boarding and you guessed it he was depressed, lonely and relieved to be kicked out of school. In high school i used to love books written by or about sad poets.
2026-08-09T17:20:59+02:00
Not too long ago I was talking to this guy and the moment he started talking to me, he started by telling me how beautiful I am. I mean I don’t mind the compliment but is that the only thing? I love compliments that aren’t based on the outside. Yes I want to hear how beautiful I am by the man I love, by the fact I want to hear it daily! because I love words of affirmation but if we just started talking say it once but don’t keep leading with that. It will make me feel like I’m just an accessory, ask me questions, get to know me. But that wasn’t even the only problems I had with him.
He kept pressuring me to do things like FaceTime him, to go to a party with him, to send him pictures of myself (not in a bad way just pictures of me), to meet at his house so I can meet his family like wait hold on! Those are all the things I hate as an avoidant. First of all I don’t like FaceTime anyone especially a guy I just met, but I will FaceTime a guy I like and when I do it they always ask “what did I do to deserve this? Or one said wow I feel honored” I am like a cat, I do things on my own terms; maybe that’s what I love cats so much because we have the same personality! lol. Don’t force me to do anything. I will FaceTime a guy if after I tell him I don’t like it, he doesn’t pressure me and then one day boom! I FaceTime him because I want to see him. I told him what I like to do and what I don’t like to do yet he still tried to force me to go to a party with him around people I don’t know. It’s different if we both know the people because it would be easier for me to go but no ! Like meeting your family? Dude no! I’m not your girlfriend and even then I need at least 6 months to make sure you’re worth it before I embedded myself into your family! You can tell them about me but I’ll meet them when I’m ready. I don’t send pictures of myself to any man because when we stop talking what are you going to do with those pictures? And why do you need them I’m not your girlfriend? If we take a picture together ok but no I’m not sending pictures just check out my instagram.
2026-08-09T04:18:04+02:00
Movies and music.
Besides reading I love listening to music and watching movies.
My all time favorite movies are:
My all time favorite musicians are
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