No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2023-12-01T14:45:50+01:00

burn out

Publié par Gaelle.R 1 Décembre 2023 à 02:45 PM

I am experiencing a burnout right now and I really think it's a result of me recovering from the flu I had last week but maybe it's been going on for a while now. I am really trying to keep things afloat, but I hate everything. I am exhausted, I don't want to talk to anyone, and I just want to be left alone. When people do leave me alone, I get sad because like why would you leave me alone when I clearly need help? lol but of course I am not asking for help either. I think the hardest thing I have to do in life is asking for help and also saying "goodbye" I do hate goodbyes which is why I always disappear before I have to say it first.

I don't have a problem with anyone, I just want to be alone right now even though that Is not what I need but that is what I want. I do need to be around people and that is why I love my job because I get along with my coworkers and we are always joking; I love it there. But besides work what do I have? I don't know... at my meetings I don't really hang out with many people there.

I don't know and that's the problem, I dissociate too much. I am there but really my mind is somewhere else and I have no idea what's going on; I am not even sure that I am real. ( I am going back to therapy. something is not right)

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2023-12-01T12:32:09+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 1 Décembre 2023 à 12:32 PM

Update.

i feel sick. Emotionally I am drained. I am glad that I have my cats because they make me feel something when I am taking care of them. I am in a stage of burn-out..

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2023-11-30T00:27:43+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 30 Novembre 2023 à 12:27 AM

Black women hates their natural hair and here’s why…

We don’t fully accept our hair, we say we use hair extensions to protect our hair when really we are just hiding it. Do we even care for it at all? Why hide something that is beautiful?

I used to hate my natural hair because I didn’t understand it, I didn’t know how to take care of it. When I was 12 my mom put a perm in my hair which is a curly hair suicide. The chemical burned my scalp but I thought beauty was pain and I believed that I needed to do that to be accepted. I seriously thought my hair was unruly. When I see women nowadays talking about how their natural hair looks so dull, too curly, tangled or too much shrinkage I don’t judge them because I once thought the same thing. The fact that a black woman has to purchase a very expensive wig just to feel accepted by society or to “feel pretty” is insane

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2023-11-29T15:04:02+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Novembre 2023 à 03:04 PM

things I love/ new habits.

I try to keep life fun for me because I am extremely moody and I overthink everything, so I hold on to anything that makes me happy.

on Tuesdays I eat tacos for lunch from my favorite taco place next to my job and it is soooo delicious. I usually get the steak supreme soft tacos, and I am the happiest girl in the world.
on the weekends when I watch a PSG match, I usually get chicken with fries from a place directly across my apartment, I could walk there If I wanted to, but I usually don't! guess what I do? yup I get it delivered (one time the guy delivering my food was like uhm you know we're right across the street from you right? I was like "I know :)"
I love falling sleeping on the couch while watching old 80's commercials especially on Saturday afternoon and Sunday after meeting... it makes me happy.
Friday night is movie night sometimes I rent, or I find a great movie throughout the week and save it for Friday night.
I will be deleting my personal insta soon, I don't like it plus a lot of creeps keeps Dming me, but I do love my old Hollywood insta.

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2023-11-28T01:51:15+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 28 Novembre 2023 à 01:51 AM

Being alone.

Last week I was extremely sick to the point where I lost 5 pounds in a span of 3 days! on top of the 10 pounds I lost 2 weeks ago. Honestly, on Thursday last week I thought I was going to die! I thought wow I am literally going to die with my cat pixie laying next to me! And all the other cats will probably eat my remains when no one shows up to take me out the house. I know it was depressing thought but I was so weak; I could not eat, couldn’t stand because my head was spinning, I had a high fever and I just felt like the world stopped for me.

Today a girl came to my job for consult I am not going to discuss anything about the patient but while I was doing a procedure on her she started crying when I told her how strong I thought she was after she told me what she’s been through … and I understood her completely. She apologized for crying and I told her it was fine and sometimes you just need to cry. She said she felt so alone on thanksgiving and so did I. I felt like crying inside; I don’t like the holidays because people are going to see their families and I am not. My family lives 7 hours away from me… I miss them a lot. I feel so alone, I want a friend and I want so one that I can rely on. I am there for everyone but no one is there for me. The people at my job care more for me than some people I know.

I was sooo sick I didn’t go to meetings but no one called me except one friend, she texted me and wanted to know what was going on… although she stopped replying but at least she asked. I even reach out to other people to make sure they were ok while I was literally dying. I just feel so sick of everyone, I really do. I am entering my villain era and I do not care anymore.

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2023-11-27T23:46:21+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 27 Novembre 2023 à 11:46 PM

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4O5U9FuZejBtkpvlxDvxz4?si=sNK9C_X4TOeUSRugG5bwmg

this playlist I just linked above are literally music with either no words or very minimal words. This is my playlist for work out and for driving like a total nut case

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2023-11-27T12:49:01+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 27 Novembre 2023 à 12:49 PM

Wanna know something?

At least 1 time a day I think about giving up, what if one day that’s all I think about and I just finally do it? I don’t mean dying I mean letting go of certain things or people who causes me pain … maybe I will.

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2023-11-26T22:39:57+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 26 Novembre 2023 à 10:39 PM

when I found out that Taylor Swift loves cats, I started to like her a little more

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2023-11-26T19:32:18+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 26 Novembre 2023 à 07:32 PM

Update.

I have not been out since Wednesday and it is now Sunday. I am still in the house, of course I am sick and I wish I wasn’t but I am also emotionally exhausted. I just want to feel okay… but I guess I’m not.

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2023-11-26T15:40:10+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 26 Novembre 2023 à 03:40 PM

Eerling Haaland.

There is another football player I love very much and I cannot wait to meet him as well. He is sooo tall and he is so funny as well, he is also a little shy. He looks scary when he is standing but he is a goofball he loves to laugh and he is soooo generous with the others on the pitch. He doesn’t like getting all the spotlight on him.

I love it when he lets his hair down in the game after scoring multiple goals in one match. He is a goal machine! They call him a robot because of how it is for him to score goals. I think he is soooo talented and so cute ;)

Mark my words people are going to compare haaland and Mbappe now after Messi and Ronaldo.

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