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2026-05-09T05:58:36+02:00
I finally was able to cry by watching wuthering heights! I thought something was wrong with me. I was genuinely worried but I was able to cry at the end! Especially when he said “you said I killed you, haunt me then” omg I could not stop crying
welp I’m not completely numb thank God
2026-05-09T00:48:21+02:00
Woman’s right.
Did you know in Afghanistan currently women have no rights?
Afghan women are now banned from speaking to each other in public that’s the latest measure the taliban has imposed on women. The vice minister declared that women cannot be audible to each other not even in prayer. They can no longer study past 6 grades,they can’t leave the house without a male guardian present, they cannot visit national parks or public parks, they are unable to seek medical care without the presence of a male guardian, they must keep their faces covered. The list goes on and it breaks my heart that these women can’t even sit on their front porch and feel the sun on their faces. They must be covered from head to toe and they can’t be out in public without a male guardian. How is that even possible that in 2026 their lives is even worse than what it was in 1970 ! During that time they could go out in public alone, they didn’t need a male guardian to simply set foot outside.
Truth is Jesus valued and loved the women he encountered on earth while he was here. The first time he revealed himself as the messiah was to the Samaritan woman and after she found out who he was she went and tell the others. Jesus appeared first to Mary Magdalene after his resurrection! Can you imagine this? He visited a woman not even his disciples first and Jesus asked her to go tell his disciples !
Jesus loved and respected women. This is not the way of life for these Afghan women, Jesus would want them to be free.
2026-05-08T17:34:51+02:00
Romance.
More on the guy I was casually dating but that's the last time I will mention him. It's been months since we "broke up" nah we were never together and I didn't want to be with him. If he did ask me to be his girlfriend I am not sure what I would've said like " uhhhh what? why? lol" I always knew we wouldn't continue what we were doing for a long time. We were "together" lol nah that doesn't even sound right we were somewhat dating for 2 years on and off ? haha noooo we were never exclusive he hated when I would remind him that we are not together. One time I was with him and a girl texted him, I saw the text and he said " it's just a friend" I told him " you don't owe me any explanation, I don't care" he was sooo mad lol but it's true I didn't care and that's when I knew I didn't love him. I was bored and lonely. I needed someone to talk to so I let him take me out, call me or even facetime me but deep down I knew that had an expiration date. so no he was not my boyfriend and I reminded him of that everyday. I used to say if you meet a girl you like please pursue her... he wouldn't say it back. He was possessive but he wouldn't put me first the way I would like. Our interactions felt more like a burden to me, I wouldn't tell him too much about myself not that he asked and I wouldn't let him get too close either. Kissing him felt like a chore... he loved kissing me and I did too in the beginning but when I realized I will never love him I started to hate any intimate contact. There came a point I wouldn't let him touch me at all not even to hold my hand.
This whole thing sounds mean but he did a lot of things that hurt me... I don't want to get into it but he lied to me when it didn't really matter. He was talking to other people and I knew, not that it mattered. I love honesty, just tell me the truth even if you think it's going to hurt me. The truth will always set you free but a lie will keep you trap in a prison. He liked having me around but he didn't like having me, does that make sense? it's like he liked having someone to go on dates with but not necessarily someone to be part of his life. We both held back. I wasn't his person and he was not my person. Loneliness kept us together but we both knew it would never be serious. what's worse is that I accepted it! there's a saying that says " we accept the love we think we deserve" but I deserve so much more than that. I deserve a man who wants me for me, who’s loyal and faithful to me, who would pick up the phone when I call, who will communicate his feelings, who will keep me in the loop throughout the day, I love communication, who will answer my questions even the stupid ones, who listens to me when I am trying to express my feelings, who doesn't speak over me, belittle me because he's older, doesn't hang up our phone call to go chat with another girl. Truth is I know when a man is playing me but I play dumb, I know who they are talking to, who their girlfriend is I know everything (call me Joe Goldberg, I can go through his following list and pick the girl he’s talking to without a second thought and I’m never wrong) But I stay in my lane because Jehovah sees everything and I leave everything to him, I will never confront anyone unless I am dating a man and even then I will confront the man not the girl because the girl made no commitment to me. Mess with me at your own risk. I am not always sweet. Anyone who has ever played with me never end up happy. I don't bother anyone I stay in my lane. I do my work outs, read my books, sleep for hours and keep looking cute.
2026-05-06T14:08:12+02:00
The Stefon Digs trial took place yesterday and he was found not guilty which doesn’t surprise me at all, I did think that lady was somewhat lying to get money out of him. I don’t watch American football and I don’t keep up with it at all. So why am I telling you this?
Well seeing Stefon's picture triggers me because he looks like the guy I was casually dating. I don’t think I am fully over him but I did let him go because he wasn’t husband material. I didn't want to let him go but I am getting older and I want something serious now. We had fun but I am looking for something different. I wasn’t in love with him but I wish he was different. I wish he put me first, I wish he was there when I needed him. I think that's my problem with most of the man I deal with, they either sexualize me and it's not like I am over here giving it out! I am a virgin for God sake! To be honest with you I don't know how to connect with most men so when they start talking about sex I don't know how to redirect the conversation especially if I am attracted to them if I cut the conversation short I don't like them. secretly I want a relationship based more on emotional connection than sex. I want to be and feel understood and to be accepted with all of my flaws. I know what I can give when I am in love. My love has no limit I would do any and everything for the man I love but not for these men who care more about nailing me rather than to love me. Trust me I know what love is and these men want to use me.
2026-05-06T11:18:21+02:00
Reading helps me escape reality and the gym clear my head completely. I have no idea what’s going on. I’m not in love and I’m not heartbroken I am just living life. I am numb to almost everything but for that blame my anti depressant.
2026-05-05T17:29:47+02:00
sci-fi vs Mystery and thriller
at the moment I am reading the cruel prince by holly black and I do enjoy it but thriller and mystery is calling my name! so after I read the cruel prince series which is 3-4 books here's my reading list:
1. never lie by McFadden Freida
2. beautiful ugly by Feeney Alice
3. My husband's wife by Feeney Alice
4. Dear Debbie McFadden Freida
5. that's not my name by Lally Megan
6. The other woman by Patricia Dixon
7. The locked ward by Sarah Pekkanen
8. Don't open your eyes by Liv Constantine
9. The housemaid by Freida McFadden
10. she didn't see it coming by Shari Lapena
11. Her last breath By Adams Taylor
12. Anatomy of an Alibi by Elston Ashley
I normally read 5 books a month so we'll see how this list will go :) I am excited
2026-05-04T14:30:30+02:00
The Mbappe situation.
Currently he is supposed to be out on injury but yesterday while the team was trying to salvage what's left of their dignity by gaining some points even though they won't win any trophies this season but guess what Mbappe was doing? he was on a yacht with his girlfriend in Italy! the point is not him hanging out with his girl that's fine but on a yacht?! in public where paparazzi can see you? the season is not even over! I think he's rebelling. I knew he had to have a girlfriend in the past 6 years but no one knew he kept it private because he's handsome, confident, wealthy of course he was dating but why exposing it now? I hate that he's not being careful, that is not the Mbappe I fell in love with. Now it's more about the headlines than the actual game, I get it he's fed up and he wants to win more trophies but that's not the way to do it. I still love him and I will always support him but I am just a bit disappointed right now... let's hope his attitude is better at the world cup if not I will crash out.
2026-05-04T00:56:08+02:00
I finished the bad neighbor and it was a great book not life changing but good I guess. I want to read books more like this. No bad words or profanities, no sex scenes very appropriate and very straight to the point. I loved the book and I am glad Zoey was found alive! Sorry for spoiling if you plan on reading it lol.
I also read another book this one was extra I found it as a book suggestion on instagram. It was cross her heart, that one was nuts! Multilayered ! It was crazy but the good kind !
Now I should be reading the cruel prince series !
2026-05-03T17:48:55+02:00
Reminder:
Life keeps going it doesn’t matter who’s around and who’s not. You have to learn to be okay with yourself. Don’t wait for anyone to be ready to do anything. If you want to go somewhere and no one wants to go with you, go. If you want to go to a restaurant but you have no one to go with then go alone, I’ve done it many times! I get a nice table and get my favorite meal on the menu. I love being alone and I have a good time! And I always find someone there to socialize with.
2026-05-03T17:02:08+02:00
What is the goal ?
I cannot stand when people criticize some gyms because it’s cheap and they prefer expensive gyms! What is this ? Are we going for aesthetic? The goal is to move your body to stay healthy. It doesn’t matter if you work out at La. Fitness, planet fitness, crunch or edge fitness it really doesn’t matter! All you have to do is work out! Spending $150 a month for a gym membership is crazy! When you can get all those same or similar equipments somewhere else where you only pay $10. You don’t have to go to a high end gym to build muscles ! You can even work out outside ! In the 80s we didn’t have that many options it was plan and simple. It was either go out for a run wearing simple shoes with joggers and a simple shirt! But now you have $200 running shoes, weighted vest… we don’t have to complicate things! Although I do want a weighted vest lol. But the goal is to keep it simple and to keep moving your body.
I do understand why people go to high end and expensive gyms because there are less people there. They normally have a sauna and I do want to visit equinox one day but I won’t make it my whole personality lol. If you can afford it go ahead but if you’re breaking the bank just to go there and can barely afford it then don’t do it.
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