how am doing? normally when someone ask me that question I know they don't really want to know how I am really doing so I tell them I am fine. But since I am here, I can somewhat be honest. My cut is actually going well, I lost 3 pounds already, and I want to keep going. My goal is to lose 10 pounds before or during the summer, and I think I am on the right track.
So, how am I really doing?
I feel so alone, so lost. I need someone, anyone. I would even hug a stranger today. I want someone to listen, even if what I say doesn't really make sense. I have been feeling this way since last month. But today I took the day off at work as a mental health day... just to feel and cry. I have been feeling numb for so long, and now it's catching up to me. I reached out to this guy who had a huge crush on me (his words not mine) today after I told him that I don't want him. I didn't reach out to him because I regretted my decision. When I made that decision, I took everything into account, and I never go back on my decision after I let a guy go. I reached out to him because we connected mentally. I wish he were my friend. He listened to me, and that was the only good thing. I wanted someone to talk to, but it's not fair because I let him go. After he texted me back I kept the conversation short because, yes, that was a mistake, and I don't want him to think I changed my mind because I didn't. How did we get here? I am deflecting. I am trying to avoid what's really going on, so I went and bothered the guy. I need to sit down and think.
by tomorrow I should be fine but today I need to cry and mourn the person I used to be.