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I used to struggle with crippling anxiety to the point where I didn't want to go out, at first, I didn't think it was a problem since this started during the pandemic but once everything was returning back to normal, I realize that it is indeed a big problem and I need to deal with it. People used to think that I was shy because I never spoke, but the whole time I was anxious, because I felt trapped in my own body, I started to feel so sad and alone. I used to think no one would understand me or that everyone was judging me, I don't think I overcame this alone because I used to pray to Jehovah a lot about this because I really felt like I was in a prison.
I didn't just pray I also did some work on myself as well, but one person that helped me is thewizardliz the minute I started watching her videos and I truly wanted to change my life at that point, and I stumbled upon her video with the tittle "this will change your life" that was probably in October 2022 and that video did in fact change my life! I used to hide, not speak, isolate myself and blame it all on my mental health but if you want to make a change the first person you need to look at is the one staring at you in the mirror (this is from Michael Jackson by the way lol "the man in the mirror" song) I used to blame people for my downfall, or life for absolutely no reason. Life owes me nothing! the fact that I am alive doesn't mean I am entitled to happiness or success because I need to make that happen for myself. The minute I stopped looking at people to blame or outside things to explain my behavior and started to take accountability for my own action is the minute I truly felt alive. When you acknowledge that you are in the wrong that's the moment you start to look for the right way to do things and your life will change when you see things differently. I refuse to label myself as someone who's struggling with anxiety or depression; I am I much more than that... the moment I started to look at myself a whole new way then I started to see the true beauty in my journey and in myself.
Before I started watching the wizardliz I used to overlook my worth, I used to be a people pleaser. I even chased a man who didn't even want me, how embarrassing is that? but I learned. She made me see my worth again and I fell in love with myself even more... I stopped feeling sorry for myself. When I make a mistake, I stop beating myself for it I just say ok and? what's next? what can I learn from this? alright let's move on because life goes on. I used to feel so depressed when my crush rejected me to the point where I started to hate myself not knowing that it was a blessing that they rejected me, now I can see the red flags and I am glad none of them picked me because they were not the one for me. It was never my fault; I was more than enough; them not choosing me made me choose myself and that's the best thing I ever did for myself. I can walk in any room confident with my head held high and not care about what anyone think of me because I already know who I am, and I love her so no one can make me feel any different. Some of my crushes even came back but I know my worth now so no; I was giving myself out for free! literally! I never saw how much I was worth, and it showed because there were times, I should've walked away but didn't but I am not afraid to do that now because I am happier once I leave.
stay away from people who belittle you and criticize you because if you don't see just how valuable you are then no one will. You have to set the bar and people will follow, create your boundaries and if people don't abide by them make them aware of it because it's your job to protect yourself. No one knows your limit, but you know so don't let people drive you past that limit let them know when enough is enough. Speak up for yourself even if you have a little or soft voice like me still speak with everything in you because once you show how serious you are people will listen and if they don't then cut them off because you don't have to keep explaining yourself to people who don't want to listen. Someone not liking me is not my problem and there's nothing I can do about that; I will still live my life and I will continue to meet other people.
