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2023-07-17T12:25:56+02:00
2023-07-16T22:32:32+02:00
My testimony
This will be long but it's worth the read I promise...
Lately, a lot of people have been telling me that I look happier and that I shine brighter than I ever did before; I agree that I am happier and if there is a light surrounding me it's only because of God, I have nothing to do with that. you can recall that on this blog one thing that I always highlight is mental health and therapy but the truth is I am not in therapy and I haven't been in a while. Therapy is important I am not saying that it's not because I would be lying if I said that opening up about your traumas or issues to a healthcare provider is wrong because it's not, they will give you some coping mechanism to help you see and feel things differently so that you can live a much better life but all of that is possible only if you do the work! quite frankly in the last year therapy has not worked for me, I don't know if it's because I could not connect with the therapist but it wasn't working if anything she made me feel worse because her ideas were extreme and I was not ready to take those steps so then I started to feel like a failure for not being able to live up to my full potential. This is not about me struggling with my mental health but bear with me, I have to give you the backstory before you can fully see how much work God did with me and how long it took for me to get here...
the beginning.
I have been in therapy since high school, when I first started this blog I was 16 years old, and around that time I was extremely depressed, actually, I've been depressed my whole teenage years. puberty did not agree with me because all it brought me was sadness, I remember one day I was in school I was writing something on a piece of paper and my teacher was looking at me the whole class but I didn't know. I sat in the back writing about my feelings, I don't remember what I wrote but I assume it was really concerning and sad because for some reason I drop the note in class while I was leaving and my teacher saw it. He read it because he was curious about what I was so focused on that I couldn't even pay attention the whole class. After he read it, He looked for me that day and ask me to come to see him, I did and he expressed his concern and urge me to go talk to the school therapist that same day. He even booked an appointment with her for me, I went and talk to her. After a while, I stopped going because I got busy with senior year, SATs"s, and college applications... I went back to therapy in 2019 after the loss of a loved one and a car accident, to be honest, I don't remember anything but I guess it helped but I am not sure. I strongly believe that I got a little happier because I went back to serving God and giving him my whole life.
Now
In the past I never took therapy seriously because I thought I was a loss cause, I always felt like I would never be happy, but I used to always pray to God to help me be happier and less anxious. recently, I'll say in November 2022 I started to feel different and I could not understand why I was smiling more and speaking up more! I was still nervous but I made the effort. God has been there every step of the way strengthening me when I felt weak and I could really see him working in me. I started to literally live one day at a time because the future scares me so one way to prevent that is to only worry about today and only live for today. I laugh as much as I can, talk to as much people as I can, and speak up more even if my voice shakes. No there is no secret to happiness, all you hear about doing this and doing that you will be happy all of that is just talk. I did all of them, went to therapy, listen to podcasts, and read self-help books... I listen to what they said and went back to my old ways. You wanna know the real secret? God! literally just live for him. Read the Bible, pray to him, and tell him everything (you don't have to be perfect to pray to God) we are all sinners but we can still speak to God anytime we want.
I am truly happy and I am not faking it, I am not happy 24/7 because that's impossible I have days where I feel a little sad but I know it will pass it's just a feeling and that's okay. I don't worry about what people think of me anymore or if they like me or not because that is their problem. I focus on me and God, I do what is best for me and for my relationship with God... I also make friends with people who motivate me and inspire me. Each of my friends has something that I don't have and I love that because they inspire me to work on myself so that I can cultivate those things. some are always on time and I am almost there! I am never late for work anymore!! which is great. One of my friends inspired me to speak up more she showed me that my opinion is valuable and that I should express myself a lot more. I love that and I hope that I inspire them too because I love them dearly. I have a lot more work to do but I am not depressed anymore and I haven't been this whole year not even this summer!... I have been sad because that's inevitable but for the most part, I am happy. I think it's because I stop caring so much about other people. I just focus more on loving who I am becoming, I am not worried that I am still single. I actually love that at the moment because I need to be alone to work on myself and I don't think I would have been able to do all of that work if I was in a relationship because I would be too focused on him which is not how it's suppose to be. I used to give my all to people and not leave anything left for me which I only realize that this year! creating boundaries has helped me a lot because I didn't know how to say no so people would assume that it was okay for them to take up my time, and my resources when truly I should be working on myself that whole time.
Rejections.
no one likes rejections but I handle it better; when it comes to a job, friendship, crush ... whatever it is I wish them the best and move on. I cry if I need to and wipe my tears, go back to work on myself. I take no days off I am working on myself constantly! because my mental health requires it. what is meant for me will find me no matter what and I am not worried about finding my soulmate or anything like that. I am just living in the moment and being happy with what I have right now. Hopefully, this inspires you to only live in the moment :) because trust me it will help !
2023-07-15T23:28:05+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
My red flags in men.
- Popular. I don’t mind that a lot of people know you or that you know a lot of people but if you’re friends with everyone and you’re always with them even when it’s suppose to be our time then no honey it won’t work because I crave quality time. I would rather find someone who’s basically nonexistent meaning no social media nothing, he might as well be a ghost lol.
- A lot of followers and you follow a lot girls. Uhm see cuz no! I don’t like that because you probably have a lot of Dms and who followed who first? Like are you the one seeking those girls?
- Has a lot of female friends. It’s weird that you are always talking to girls and it’s a huge red flag for me. I don’t like that either.
- You call me baby in the first month! Uhm do you not know my name? And since when are we using pet names without each others permission because that’s unacceptable and I am not your girlfriend.
- You talk about my body a lot. It makes me feel weird, I’ll take a few compliments but if you always want to talk about my looks or sex then no (unless I give you permission and you will know because I wouldn’t stop the conversation but that’s rare too)
- You want money from me. I am not a sugar mama, and I am not a bank who loans money either. Especially if we’re not dating even if we were that’s weird too, it will make me feel like you’re using me.
- You post a lot of pictures online. Like why?
2023-07-15T19:17:10+02:00
2023-07-15T04:18:58+02:00
2023-07-14T16:30:30+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
it’s not being conceited but I am too beautiful to be waiting around for a man…
2023-07-14T16:09:51+02:00
things that bring me joy
- talking to my friends, they are so funny and cute. I love them all.
- watching football!! That is a really big one because it releases a lot of dopamine in my brain
- playing video games with nice music in the background is such a vibe!!
- shopping for clothes, I love switching my style... I started wearing a lot more colors other than black and sad colors...I am loving it
- being at work. I love being busy and I also love my job which is weird lol but everyone there are my friends as well lol
- I love doing my nails, hair and pampering myself on Sundays... all of those things make me happy :)
- playing with my cats and shoping for cute sweaters and shirts for my boys make me happy too :)
- aftership telling me that my package is delivered :)
2023-07-14T13:48:39+02:00
I wish you the best.
" I love you, but I will never admit it to myself and certainly not to you. I know it's not the best time and I will never say it again even if I love you forever."
2023-07-13T21:23:58+02:00
people's energy
One thing about me that I love is that I can read people's energy very well meaning I can tell when someone is sad, truly happy, awkward, mean, toxic, faking it, lying or hiding something. I am not sure how I am able to do it, but it is freaky. I knew this one girl that I had just a couple conversations with her, she was in a group chat I was in and for some reason I always felt like she was lying, playing the victim and manipulating someone that I know... I could not tell that person that she was lying but I knew she was and there was no way I could just say that I can just sense that she is not being truthful... No one would've believed me if I said " I just felt that" like how? well, that's the thing I can't explain it!
But one thing I like to act like I can't see anything or don't know anything.
I am an empath that is one of the reasons why I hate funerals, for some reason that I can't explain I can absorb other people's emotions especially if it is genuine, at times I don't even know how I truly feel because there as so many emotional people around me... I can sense when someone has a toxic energy, mean energy, insecure... obsessive, pure, angelic, nice... There's this one girl I know at the moment she really gives off the mean girl energy and I avoid her at all costs because the feeling she exudes is too toxic for me to bare.
There's this one guy I had a crush on he was like an angel! like he was the best guy in all my crushes; I don't like him romantically anymore, but he was soooo nice; I honestly wish him all the best if I see him again, I want to hug him, and he might not even know why but I just can sense his energy and It's pure :)
2023-07-13T02:25:42+02:00
