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« i love him so much, it hurts. »
2024-09-15T15:45:47+02:00
2024-09-15T13:44:40+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
If I ask you for help just know I tried everything already! I only ask you because you are my last hope. I never ask anyone for help, that’s why I’m always anxious I take it all for myself. If I call you it’s because I trusted you not because I wanted to waste your time or mine. I don’t call people and casually ask them to help me because I HATE ASKING FOR HELP. It takes a lot out of me to do it.
2024-09-15T01:16:38+02:00
2024-09-14T13:27:52+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Anxiety feels like to me____
- Fidgeting in my seat or my legs shaking uncontrollably.
- Tensing up when I’m supposed to be relaxing.
- Not being able to sleep and shaking my legs without knowing.
- Crying for no reason.
- Not being able to breathe with the feeling that I need to get out wherever I’m at because I feel suffocated.
- Worrying about the future, and a lot of what-ifs.
- Thinking about the ways that I might die and being scared of death itself.
- I worry about my family and constantly feel that I don’t have much time.
- I feel an out-of-body experience all the time and I'm not able to remember some parts of my childhood.
- Biting my nails or playing with them.
- Not being able to remember what day it is
- Missing all the deadlines
- Forgetting to text back or avoiding
- Hate large crowds.
2024-09-14T01:43:49+02:00
2024-09-13T05:28:23+02:00
2024-09-13T02:28:25+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
« when you lose a loved one, often times people think the hardest times are the days leading up to the funeral or the funeral day itself but it’s not! It’s the months after, realizing they are no longer here and they will be here again. It’s the bitterness ! The hurt, the pain! And The anger. »
2024-09-12T16:27:11+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
Maximize your time.
on Tuesday I worked out for 3 hours yet yesterday when I worked out for 1 hour, I felt the burn more! yesterday I was focused, and I knew exactly what I came to do. On Tuesday it was a long work out and by 2 hours I was a little bored... I usually workout for 2 hours in half. which is 1 hour for cardio and 2 hours for strength training and weights.
It's important that I am patient with myself because what I want to achieve might take me a full year or maybe a little bit quicker if I keep going at the same Rythm I am going at the moment. I want abs and I want to be more toned! strong and beautiful
2024-09-11T00:59:02+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
My problem with some people.
The way that I accept everyone for who they are even though I don’t agree with everything they do,, I wish people would do that for me. For example I will never go out of my way to make anyone feel less than or as if there’s something wrong with them. I wish some people would give me that same grace, not that I really care because I live a very secluded life! And I’m not exaggerating at all when I say this because my wall is up so high that it’s hard for people to get past it. I tell you what I want to tell you, I show you what I want you to see. Trust me when I say this you don’t even know the half of it.
I wish some people would just let me live in peace, just understand I am not extroverted when I don’t want to be. Leave me alone! Stop making me feel like something is wrong with me because I didn’t show up to your little get together. When I said « I’ll think about it » I really meant « no » but of course I’m still learning how to say no. At this point in my life I want to be left alone, I am hurt. I am still
Mourning the loss of my father and my sweet cat Selie. I don’t have to be who you want, you can go find what you’re looking for somewhere else because I’m not it. And it’s okay but don’t change me. Leave me alone. The same way I will never expect you to do the same things I love to do, don’t expect me to do the same things you love to do. It’s okay to be different, we can love and accept each other the way we are.
When I’m interested in someone romantically I let them see me, I let them see my mess because I’ll know if you truly love me for real if you stick around. It’s fun times but there are dark times too. I would rather you leave me alone than for you to fake wanting to be with me when you know you don’t like me at all. Just leave alone.
2024-09-10T15:34:54+02:00
Publié depuis Eklablog
My testimony this week.
I am not someone who shares my personal problems but after I really looked at my situation I realize I must share this. It’s too powerful not to because it was God that took me out and nothing else!
I know I don’t look spiritual or at least that’s how I think some people perceive me but who cares right? But I am very strict with my morals and my standards but some people might think I don’t drown myself daily in God’s words but who cares? Why am I bringing this up? It’s not about that. One thing I must tell you Jehovah answer prayers and he does protect his children. Pray to God today, tell him your worries, cry out to him like David did.
Last week I heard a noise in my car and at first it was a very low noise, so I didn’t care too much for it. I thought I could wait for my next paycheck to fix it, so I drove on the highway with the car not knowing I was driving by the grace of God. But first I must tell you this, last month I was getting off from work and my front passenger tire was flat and it had been flat for a while I have just been putting air in it. I don’t think I gave myself an estimated time to change the tire, so I just hoped nothing bad would happen. But while I was getting off work like I was saying I stopped at a gas station to put air in my tire and the tire wouldn’t take the air! There was a guy there who was in his late 50’s I would say and he was really helping me put air in that tire but after a while he looked at me and said “ I don’t think you should be driving this car, it would be best to go to a tire shop up the road” and I said “ no I think there’s another gas station with a better air tire pump next to my house” he asked me what town I lived and I told him and he said I don’t think you will make it. That was my first warning! Guess what I did? Yup I ignored it because I thought I knew better. Then my tire exploded on the highway! I was so scared! It was right on my exit ramp 2 minutes from the gas station I was telling you about. My insurance would take too long to get to me to fix the tire, sadly I cancelled my AAA so I was left with nothing! Then the police came and called a tow right when they were about to tow my car. Someone pulled over and came with all the equipment needed to change a tire and put a spare tire for me for free! The tow would’ve cost me roughly $300. That was God! Someone tells me that wasn’t God, and I’ll fight you lol!
After, that very same day I went straight to a tire shop and a get new tire. So all was good for a while. Until last week when I started hearing that sound in one of my front tires, so I thought it must be the breaks, but I didn’t think it was bad enough. So I went on driving until yesterday on my way to the gym, I stopped the car on the road because the noise was getting even louder and I thought “oh no this is bad” so I went back home did some research on my phone and figured out I had a bad wheel bearing on my front driver side. I called around a few places to get pricing but it was around 6pm so most places are closed but I found one guy who gave me a reasonable price so I saved it. I talked to one of my friend’s boyfriend who’s a mechanic and he told me he could order the parts for me, but I just have to wait for some reason that guy who gave me my first warning at the gas station keep popping up in my mind and I knew I couldn’t wait.
This morning, I went to the mechanic and only to find out that I was right, I needed a wheel bearing, but my breaks were bad! The brake pad was flat if you’re a mechanic you know what that means! He said I don’t know how you made it here because you were one minute away from an accident. I could’ve died driving with bad breaks, but Jehovah protected me and put the idea in my head to go straight to the mechanic and not to wait. I am not negligent; I am just overwhelmed because I have so much to do! But life is more important. Please do not ignore the signs when God speaks to you.