No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2020-04-08T05:52:31+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 8 Avril 2020 à 05:52 AM

I have a little issue with the way things are going, at first I thought things were going to get better. We were going to get this 2 weeks quarantine and go back to things being good but gosh was I wrong. I mean I am scared now, I don't want to get sick and I don't want anyone I know getting sick either. I just want all of this to be over. I have used being busy as an excuse to keep my mind off some things and I have not been thinking much about a lot of things but now when I am home and I am not sleeping (which I like to do that is the only way I can keep my mind off of things) I think a whole lot. I have created some strategies, I have been doing some research about things that I wanted to know about...

I just hope things get better soon because I might go nuts.

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2020-04-07T01:28:58+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 7 Avril 2020 à 01:28 AM

"The more you care the more the world find ways to hurt you."

-Jupiter.

"It is true the more I care, the more I get hurt and the more vulnerable I am to anything that is meant to break me. How many times have I cared about someone who ended up hurting me? leaving me? betraying me? I don't want to be that girl that cares too much anymore, I don't want to wear my heart on my sleeves anymore. Too many people made me feel like I shouldn't care."-me

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2020-04-06T22:58:50+02:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Avril 2020 à 10:58 PM

hey there,

I have a questions why do guys always act like they want to help you when they actually want something from you? (now is the time I would insert the thinking emoji but my computer doesn't allow me to do so) I answered the question LOL it's crazy. Anyways let's get serious like you know that you want something from me right (and I don't blame you) but why not go straight to the point? why all the small talk (I know I do that but that's besides the point) I am sure you don't really care about my dog that died when I was 8 no, you're just pretend like you're listening to me so you can make me feel like you actually care about me when you ask me for my number. I am not salty I promise, I am just tired of the small talk. Don't try to trick me by making me feel like you want a lot more than you trying to show. It is plain and simple you're either really interested in me or something about me and those are really different.

If you're interested in me you probably want more than just a conversation and that is cool but if you interested in something about me it could be that you have no interest in me whatsoever but you just want that one thing that's on your mind (could be anything)

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2020-04-06T22:35:20+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Avril 2020 à 10:35 PM

As the smell of coffee wakes me up,

I wonder how can something so bitter can turn sweet.

I wanted to find answers right away.

I wanted to find out everything that I could get my hands on to make it better.

Maybe it wasn't right to change things

...

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2020-04-06T04:17:45+02:00

...

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Avril 2020 à 04:17 AM

some days I want to wake up from this bad dream where everything doesn't make sense.

I want to feel as if I never went through what I did.

I want to stop hearing those words echo in my head.

I want to start breathing as if I didn't struggle to keep my last breath steady.

I want to eat breakfast without you on my mind.

I want to take showers without having to turn up the music because all I want to do is talk about you and I can't afford to hear myself do that again.

I want to rip every pages in my journal because all of them has something about you

. I want to drive without feeling like I was heading in your direction.

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2020-04-06T04:08:51+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Avril 2020 à 04:08 AM

soft words,

tender lips.

Eyes that makes my heart skip a beat.

Gentle hands,

lovely smile that makes me stop breathing.

what more do I need?

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2020-04-05T05:37:22+02:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 5 Avril 2020 à 05:37 AM

I actually did make it to work it wasn't that bad. My temperature was fine.

so I was like it's okay if go, I just hope I am not sick and to think that even if I am sick I won't even show symptoms in 14 days ! oh gosh to all the people that is crossing my path. I hope that no one sick around me I am not ready to be sick oh God hell nahhh.

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2020-04-04T18:59:35+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 4 Avril 2020 à 06:59 PM

Hey there,

I have been coughing, it's not a good day for me. I don't think I am sick lol but I might not make it to work because of that...coughing on the patient is not a good thing even if I don't have the actual virus. (If my boss sees this yes, I am really coughing and my readers can prove it lol)

Anyway, last night I posted something about love yh I was tipsy but I said the truth (let's get one thing straight I was not drunk I don't believe that I should get wasted for nothing or to have a good time, I am already fun right?. I won't get drunk at all in my opinion it's not a good thing to not be awake and alert, especially these days). I am actually taking my time in love and it is not a bad thing I am learning a lot in my singleness. I am also making a lot of improvements in my character or rather I am building a better character that would make me a good girlfriend, wife and mother ( think about it, if you put yourself out there make sure you have something good to offer and you're not only there to receive from the person you're with, it should not be a one way relationship). Now is the time to really look at yourself and see what needs to be changed and what needs to be added before you put yourself out there. thought I should start being on the market because I am getting older but why should I put myself on sale right? you shouldn't either if you're single and you feel like it's a long time just be patient. The right one will come along and if you're forcing it to work it may not be the right one for you.

I think I probably made myself look like someone who cannot fall for anyone, actually I can and that is why I am protecting my heart. You should get to know yourself find out what you like in a person and if you find a match go beyond what you like see how that person is... I am not the right one to tell you about love. Yes I write poetry about it but that's all I can give you. I don't have any story to share...past experience (actually those are not blog worthy sorry I am not sharing they are too boring lol)

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2020-04-04T05:57:16+02:00

love part 2

Publié par Gaelle.R 4 Avril 2020 à 05:57 AM

I think we've established that I am talking about men and women type of love but uhm I am still not an expert I can't really tell you much about it except that I am avoiding it or rather scared at the moment like what if I fall for a stupid guy who doesn't even care how I feel ... who doesn't even deserve me. I have met people who didn't care about me like that and you know what I like them because they showed me who they are and I didn't have to feel like I could expect more. I would hate to fall for the bad guy, my life is totally boring at the moment. I am not even trying to get close to any guy right now, I need my space.

I met a person today who was like I don't believe that you're single I was like there are some people like me who actually live like this. The person could not believe me, saying I must have a friend with benefit going on (now that would've sounded good to my ear last year but I am totally different now) and nope I would rather stay alone then to entertain some dumb guy who doesn't deserve me. The feeling of being single doesn't scare me, it's being in a relationship with a narcissist that scares me. It's looking into someone eyes that I love and care about while I don't see the same love that I feel for them. It's wanting to protect someone that is running towards danger. I don't really care I just don't mind being alone I know some people like talking on the phone with some random girl just because they fear of being alone, Well I like being alone that's how I think about stuff best (in a good way) someone told me that I see life in a totally different way than most people (I take it as a compliment) you know now that I think about it maybe that person was just messing with me. whatever I have too many things to actually think about instead of trying to figure what that person's motive was.

I am not afraid of love I actually want to get married and have kids. I just need to be more patient I meet a lot of people but so far none of them have made a great impression on me. You know some days I wonder if it's just me or is it that I am hard to please? I could feel like I am falling for someone today but the next day I feel totally different as if I didn't feel anything. I don't know I guess I am weird... I am not scared I am just taking a lot of precautions...

*side note totally not related to this, I am glad you actually get this far but I just had something drink that I never drink before I might be tipsy (just a little ok maybe a lot) might delete this later...(or leave it to laugh about it later)

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2020-04-03T06:47:41+02:00

love.

Publié par Gaelle.R 3 Avril 2020 à 06:47 AM

oh my what a subject for me to talk about !

I don't think I have ever been in love with anyone who is not my family member or a boy I would say. Why? because I like protecting my heart, I think guys are just immature these days and all they want to do is come in get something (I will keep it pg) and leave. In march last year I have decided to only date people from my circle but immature guys are everywhere. I have had crushes but they never lasted long. I move on quick to the next or not, it's exciting then it's not. It's fun and then it turn into something I hate with a passion...I don't hate anyone, I won't give anyone that power over me I just simply move on with my life. I believe that I have a lot to offer I will be just fine. I am not desperate in love If I like you I will tell you and then I will move on if it's not it. I don't think I can ever like anyone after 2018 (no story time)...I thought I liked someone turns out I was just physically attracted to that person...what a boomer? but I am sure that person hates me now after I did some stupid stuff. Everything come and goes, everything is temporary (someone told me that)I thought it was a very sad things to say until I take a look at my life. Feeling fades, people change, they just become cold and all that's left is nothing.

Why am I telling you this?

Yes I am a very private person. I am writing about it because I want to and you don't know the details anyway. I have been very private about my life lately and I am not sure if can let just anyone in yet. With everything that is going on I have been feeling on edge. I am fine emotionally but I am just very protective of my heart like we should be with washing hands and keeping our distance.

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