No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2020-04-06T04:17:45+02:00

...

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Avril 2020 à 04:17 AM

some days I want to wake up from this bad dream where everything doesn't make sense.

I want to feel as if I never went through what I did.

I want to stop hearing those words echo in my head.

I want to start breathing as if I didn't struggle to keep my last breath steady.

I want to eat breakfast without you on my mind.

I want to take showers without having to turn up the music because all I want to do is talk about you and I can't afford to hear myself do that again.

I want to rip every pages in my journal because all of them has something about you

. I want to drive without feeling like I was heading in your direction.

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2020-04-06T04:08:51+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Avril 2020 à 04:08 AM

soft words,

tender lips.

Eyes that makes my heart skip a beat.

Gentle hands,

lovely smile that makes me stop breathing.

what more do I need?

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2020-04-05T05:37:22+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 5 Avril 2020 à 05:37 AM

I actually did make it to work it wasn't that bad. My temperature was fine.

so I was like it's okay if go, I just hope I am not sick and to think that even if I am sick I won't even show symptoms in 14 days ! oh gosh to all the people that is crossing my path. I hope that no one sick around me I am not ready to be sick oh God hell nahhh.

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2020-04-04T18:59:35+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 4 Avril 2020 à 06:59 PM

Hey there,

I have been coughing, it's not a good day for me. I don't think I am sick lol but I might not make it to work because of that...coughing on the patient is not a good thing even if I don't have the actual virus. (If my boss sees this yes, I am really coughing and my readers can prove it lol)

Anyway, last night I posted something about love yh I was tipsy but I said the truth (let's get one thing straight I was not drunk I don't believe that I should get wasted for nothing or to have a good time, I am already fun right?. I won't get drunk at all in my opinion it's not a good thing to not be awake and alert, especially these days). I am actually taking my time in love and it is not a bad thing I am learning a lot in my singleness. I am also making a lot of improvements in my character or rather I am building a better character that would make me a good girlfriend, wife and mother ( think about it, if you put yourself out there make sure you have something good to offer and you're not only there to receive from the person you're with, it should not be a one way relationship). Now is the time to really look at yourself and see what needs to be changed and what needs to be added before you put yourself out there. thought I should start being on the market because I am getting older but why should I put myself on sale right? you shouldn't either if you're single and you feel like it's a long time just be patient. The right one will come along and if you're forcing it to work it may not be the right one for you.

I think I probably made myself look like someone who cannot fall for anyone, actually I can and that is why I am protecting my heart. You should get to know yourself find out what you like in a person and if you find a match go beyond what you like see how that person is... I am not the right one to tell you about love. Yes I write poetry about it but that's all I can give you. I don't have any story to share...past experience (actually those are not blog worthy sorry I am not sharing they are too boring lol)

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2020-04-04T05:57:16+02:00

love part 2

Publié par Gaelle.R 4 Avril 2020 à 05:57 AM

I think we've established that I am talking about men and women type of love but uhm I am still not an expert I can't really tell you much about it except that I am avoiding it or rather scared at the moment like what if I fall for a stupid guy who doesn't even care how I feel ... who doesn't even deserve me. I have met people who didn't care about me like that and you know what I like them because they showed me who they are and I didn't have to feel like I could expect more. I would hate to fall for the bad guy, my life is totally boring at the moment. I am not even trying to get close to any guy right now, I need my space.

I met a person today who was like I don't believe that you're single I was like there are some people like me who actually live like this. The person could not believe me, saying I must have a friend with benefit going on (now that would've sounded good to my ear last year but I am totally different now) and nope I would rather stay alone then to entertain some dumb guy who doesn't deserve me. The feeling of being single doesn't scare me, it's being in a relationship with a narcissist that scares me. It's looking into someone eyes that I love and care about while I don't see the same love that I feel for them. It's wanting to protect someone that is running towards danger. I don't really care I just don't mind being alone I know some people like talking on the phone with some random girl just because they fear of being alone, Well I like being alone that's how I think about stuff best (in a good way) someone told me that I see life in a totally different way than most people (I take it as a compliment) you know now that I think about it maybe that person was just messing with me. whatever I have too many things to actually think about instead of trying to figure what that person's motive was.

I am not afraid of love I actually want to get married and have kids. I just need to be more patient I meet a lot of people but so far none of them have made a great impression on me. You know some days I wonder if it's just me or is it that I am hard to please? I could feel like I am falling for someone today but the next day I feel totally different as if I didn't feel anything. I don't know I guess I am weird... I am not scared I am just taking a lot of precautions...

*side note totally not related to this, I am glad you actually get this far but I just had something drink that I never drink before I might be tipsy (just a little ok maybe a lot) might delete this later...(or leave it to laugh about it later)

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2020-04-03T06:47:41+02:00

love.

Publié par Gaelle.R 3 Avril 2020 à 06:47 AM

oh my what a subject for me to talk about !

I don't think I have ever been in love with anyone who is not my family member or a boy I would say. Why? because I like protecting my heart, I think guys are just immature these days and all they want to do is come in get something (I will keep it pg) and leave. In march last year I have decided to only date people from my circle but immature guys are everywhere. I have had crushes but they never lasted long. I move on quick to the next or not, it's exciting then it's not. It's fun and then it turn into something I hate with a passion...I don't hate anyone, I won't give anyone that power over me I just simply move on with my life. I believe that I have a lot to offer I will be just fine. I am not desperate in love If I like you I will tell you and then I will move on if it's not it. I don't think I can ever like anyone after 2018 (no story time)...I thought I liked someone turns out I was just physically attracted to that person...what a boomer? but I am sure that person hates me now after I did some stupid stuff. Everything come and goes, everything is temporary (someone told me that)I thought it was a very sad things to say until I take a look at my life. Feeling fades, people change, they just become cold and all that's left is nothing.

Why am I telling you this?

Yes I am a very private person. I am writing about it because I want to and you don't know the details anyway. I have been very private about my life lately and I am not sure if can let just anyone in yet. With everything that is going on I have been feeling on edge. I am fine emotionally but I am just very protective of my heart like we should be with washing hands and keeping our distance.

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2020-04-01T18:28:51+02:00

online school?

Publié par Gaelle.R 1 Avril 2020 à 06:28 PM

I will be as honest as I can. To me online classes should not be recurring lectures everyday, It makes me feel like I should be inside of a classroom instead (I know with everything that is going on that is just not possible) but the whole point of online classes is that you can do things along at your own pace. I have classes like everyday and lectures are like 1-2 hours long and on top of that I have things that are due on the same day before 2 o'clock ! and stuff that are due the next day at 8am like can I even catch a break ? like what is that? I am not complaining I am actually glad to be home while I am in class but all the stuff that are due are driving me crazy.

I don't really like the whole purpose of my online class because I get distracted easily when I am home (that's an excuse I know) and on top of that I don't have to be on camera in my classes, they are on big blue and my teacher just share her screen it doesn't matter what we're doing, she talk a lot so I just fell asleep lol. I heard that some of the other classes are being hacked on zoom what a mess? I just hope that everyone are being safe and also do not share the link to your class online because that is how random people join and mess up everything.

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2020-03-31T02:41:03+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 31 Mars 2020 à 02:41 AM

hey there? It really feels like I am on vacation because I don't have school physically but it's online and I do have to wake up early for attendance even if I do fall asleep again (let's hope my teacher doesn't see this).

While I was driving today something came to mind, I was thinking about all the hardships I overcame so far (not so cheerful I know) But the good part is that I came out a better person because I learned something. I have made a lot of mistakes and some of them were silly but I had to learn the hard way to let things be the way they are and not to try fixing them if they cannot be fixed. I felt bad for trying so hard to make things better between me and some people who probably doesn't even care about me. I was faced with the ugly truth that some people doesn't like me and there's nothing I can do about it but choosing me no matter what. The thing is when I pick me I get to faced my inner struggles and the enemy from within is the worse enemy of all. You can run from other people, you can hide and you can choose to ignore them but can you do that when you are your own enemy? you sabotage your own plan. You're the one putting doubts in your head, telling yourself that you are hard to love, not enough, not that important...the truth is I already said this people are going to hate you no matter who you are that is what some humans do but are you going to focus on the hate? there is so much more to accomplish.

Life is not one big hole you're not stuck where you are, life is full of possibilities... no matter how stupid, dumb or blinded I have been in the past I believe that one day my eyes will finally be open (if they aren't open already) I believe that I will get what's mine and I will accomplish my dreams. Some of us get so stressed out about life that we forget that things can change for the better and that where you are is not your final destination. Yeah today you may be struggling financially, or having emotional trauma, trust issues, attachment issues.... among other things but if you have hope in yourself that you can change for the better and you're willing to put in the work then you can make it happen.

Rejection will not stop me. A no will not stop me it only pushes me harder to work towards what I want. One close door doesn't mean that other doors won't be open. I will be fine and you will be too.

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2020-03-30T04:52:23+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 30 Mars 2020 à 04:52 AM

It's been a weird day I slept the whole afternoon. It was crazy but i'm glad that I was able to sleep.I reconnected with old friends. I feel great just had a glass of wine, I try not to drink that much because it's bad to always be drinking alcohol in my opinion. I don't really care if y'all drink lol to each its own...

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2020-03-27T17:18:57+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 27 Mars 2020 à 05:18 PM

Hey there,

How y'all doing? still in quarantine sadly, you all know how I feel about it. I HATE IT. I don't like being home for too long because all I do is sleep and overthink. I love being out on the open, hanging out and definitely not think. I hate thinking because I sabotage my own happiness while doing it. I have came up with a new strategy. let me bullet them.

create a list for the day like (read, cook, do laundry lol boring right I know really like house chores? I mean you want to stay busy and not overthink right? so you can start cleaning not to be bored)
don't oversleep. when you sleep too much it gets harder to wake up and do something.
take time away from the TV or video games. Try to do some more hands on stuff like cleaning or exercise.

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