No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2020-03-23T22:08:55+01:00

currently.

Publié par Gaelle.R 23 Mars 2020 à 10:08 PM

I am not having a good time at all at the moment. I want to go about my day and do all the things that I am supposed to do but I can't. I know I was tired of school but I didn't mind going and be around my classmates you know like I want a reason to get out of bed and get somewhere. Now I still wake up early because I still have school online, it's such a mess everyone is talking and the lecture is a chaos but I mean we never had classes like that before. I cannot wait for this to be over. I still have work because I work in healthcare but I do not work everyday... the time that I stay home I am bored as hell. Now the government just issued a stay at home law like I can't even be out here just driving for nothing unless I am going to work or going to get food. I have food at home I am not hungry but it's waking up to cook.... Yes I know I am lazy at the moment. I don't really care am such a mess too like I want to get ready dress up and be out like omg. 2020 is not it I need someone to take her back because she's messing up my plans right now.

If I knew I would be stuck at home I would've live my life even more in the beginning of the year I would've been happier to be out. I was wicked busy at the beginning of the year, I didn't even have time to go watch bad boys 3 this is how busy I was. I was either working, school, booked somewhere or doing something spiritual. I was complaining because I didn't have time to cool off well now I am definitely cooling off I am freezing even. If I know It was going to be like this I wouldn't have been to happy to get here like why?

I look really pissed off right now and on top of that nature got the nerve to be snowing? wow just wow well thank you? sorry I am mad lol I am like super mad. I want to be out and I want this virus stuff to be over.

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2020-03-23T00:32:56+01:00

confidence.

Publié par Gaelle.R 23 Mars 2020 à 12:32 AM

Hey there,

Things are okay with me now I am still in quarantine and I hate it here. I want to be outside, I want to be around my group of people but I can't because I have to avoid crowds. How are y'all doing? I never asked. I do care about everyone's safety hopefully you all are safe and taking great measures to stop this virus.

alright let's get to this exciting topic.

To me confidence has nothing to do with being a supermodel, or being beautiful on the outside. It's more about your attitude regarding life itself, the way you view and carry yourself and how comfortable you are with yourself. I feel that personally I get more comfortable with my body the older I get, I guess I am more used to see me and being myself. To be confident is also to be unapologetic yourself but you are also at a place where you can accept criticism and you don't feel like someone is coming at your neck every chance someone get to tell you something bad about yourself, you can hear them out and make the decision to change if you want to. If you are able to accept that someone telling you something you did wrong does not necessarily mean that you're incompetent you're okay with yourself.

I can say that I am more comfortable with myself now, I am okay with the way I look and there's not much I would change. I feel like you feel more confident when you are fine with being alone because you're not relying on anyone so you can pretty much see your strength and weakness, you can work harder or celebrate you strong abilities. I was raised as only child I did not have brothers and sisters growing up (I had a cousin who felt like a brother) but I was mostly by myself and played alone creating games that I play by myself. It came to a point where having another kid my age around if I was not at school it felt strange because at home I was alone in my habitat where I played alone. I did not need anyone to show me how to play I had my own games...It took me a while to realize that there was much more out there that I did not know and that it was okay to let someone else in to show me. I loved being alone. I used to read a lot and I would hide in my room reading all day in my teenage years...all the visitors never really know if I was home or not but I was I just never came outside. I thought being confident was being alone and still feel good but no you can be alone and still don't feel confident. Confidence is not just a feeling it's much more than that it's part of who you are. You have a certain level of confidence by the fact everyone does.

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2020-03-19T22:26:00+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 19 Mars 2020 à 10:26 PM

I think I grew 2 more years this week. I am going through a lot right now, I don't want to tell people what is but I like to share how I am feeling because it relieves the stress. The reason why I don't like telling people my problems unless you're close to me or I trust you is because most people don't care and a lot of them feel annoyed by your problems. So this is why I chose to deal with the problem with the very little help that I get from the people I trust. I am 25 now I just grew older I am sure I have a few gray hair on my head right now if I look through the pill of afro on top of my head.

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2020-03-18T01:58:06+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 18 Mars 2020 à 01:58 AM

hey there.

I don't have much to say but for some reason I feel like I should come here. I am not mad at anyone nor do I hate anyone...I just want peace and quiet while I think and make decision. I am realizing some things, this moment while I am in quarantine I think it's a time for me to work on some things.

I've been thinking and this actually worth sharing, trust me I have put a lot of thinking before I come out and say this. I think I need to start dating, yeah I know... I said that I didn't want anybody's son and yes it is partly true but I am open to the idea. A lot will come to play and it's not like I am looking for mr. perfect but it is not an easy task that is a huge commitment. I don't wanna date just for fun I want the whole package. The reason why I say that I think that I can start now is because I haven't and I am getting older I don't have to start today but in the near future... I do wish to start a family but I want to actually take time to date the person or get to know him. A lot will come to play I am not going to get into too many details. All good things take time. However I am not looking and ready to jump on every guy...I'm the most chilled person ever, I am just open to the idea.

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2020-03-17T07:03:25+01:00

cracks in the pavement.

Publié par Gaelle.R 17 Mars 2020 à 07:03 AM

when trouble hits you are nowhere to be found.

When tears drown my face you were never the one to help me wipe them away.

when things are falling apart I never heard a word of encouragement from you.

I would always catch a glimpse of your disappointed look.

so please forgive me if I don't let you in my misery anymore.

I can't stop myself from running away from you when the wind is blowing me down,

because you won't help me find shelter when my world comes crashing down.

I am no longer waiting for you to ask me what's wrong because you never did and I am fine with that.

you're not the one I want to call when the devil is chasing me.

You're not the one I want see when I am sad, you don't understand.

I have tried.

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2020-03-17T06:54:22+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 17 Mars 2020 à 06:54 AM

I don't think I am going to be able to sleep tonight, I am not fully okay. It is bearable otherwise I would not be here. This blog helps me to feel better when things are bad. I get a lot of those...I just want to be okay. I remember I said I expected bad things to happen well I still do which is why I am so calm and I am not freaking out I guess this is a reaction due to the shock. The funny thing is I am not sure how I am about to get out of this one because I don't know what to do I have to wait till the morning to get more information on what to do next. I am definitely not sleeping.

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2020-03-17T06:46:53+01:00

sleepless night.

Publié par Gaelle.R 17 Mars 2020 à 06:46 AM

the scary thing about life is that when you think you are flying high that's when you're about to hit the ground.

It's hard to have hope when all you do is run towards misery and danger.

what do you do when you find yourself guilty of your own destruction?

life is amazing they say... but what is so amazing about it?

why do I feel like things are only getting worse and all of it is my fault?

everything I do is never enough,

I want to fly low maybe things will get better instead of trying to fly high only to hit the ground.

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2020-03-16T06:24:10+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 16 Mars 2020 à 06:24 AM

"Don't find him to lose you. Find you to find him."

by someone

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2020-03-16T05:09:06+01:00

just want to drop here.

Publié par Gaelle.R 16 Mars 2020 à 05:09 AM

just a friendly reminder: In life people are still going to hate you no matter how hard you try to make them like you just always remember to be yourself and never change for anyone because the right people will come along. I know this is not the most fun friendly reminder but it had to be said and I needed to hear that again. I say that to myself all the time especially when I feel like things are not going great with a group of people. I promise to always remain myself with all the sarcasm, weird sense of humor, childish talk mixed with my serious self lol, my over excitement over furry things, pink stuff or cats....I will be myself you don't like well I do not care I will not change unless it will benefit me but I will only change when I am ready to be changed and when I want to.

I don't think anyone should try to change you and you should not to change anyone. I think the only way you should agree to change is only of you feel like the change will be beneficial for you then go right ahead and change yourself but never do it for someone you will regret not being yourself. That person you're trying to be is not even half of the person you are you need to be your whole self freely. I am not perfect when it comes to this some days I try to be like someone else simply because I think it will be easier that way but when I choose to be myself I feel more at peace and things are so much better that way. I hate it when I have something to hide it doesn't sit well with me. I love to be free !!

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2020-03-16T04:02:04+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 16 Mars 2020 à 04:02 AM

I just ate some food that I made, it was delicious I can tell you that much but now I feel like falling asleep, I am not falling asleep yet. While I am staying in my house hiding from the outside world trying not to get sick. I just hope that everyone is being careful out there because it's really not safe to be touching everyone.

There's not much going on for me right now. I just feel like some things are going backwards, I just want things to be fine but I feel like some things just get worse all on their own and to be honest I don't really try to force them to work anymore. I think my peace of mind is more important, I like being in my own space and not being bothered because honestly who likes being bothered? not me.

I know I am not telling what's really going on but that's the whole point I don't want to talk about it. I will when I am not going through it anymore. Usually when I am fed up with something it usually means that things are about to change and they always do. At first I was afraid for the change but not anymore... I think I want absolute quiet now.

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