No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2025-12-23T20:13:48+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 23 Décembre 2025 à 08:13 PM

I am trying to sneak in one more book before the end of the year, I started it this morning while on the treadmill and the Stairmaster... the main character is death! well I didn't know that the lady they mentioned in the book was death itself! probably not a good time to be reading about that considering I am lonely right now; one quote from the book was " if you want to get death's attention you need to just die" lol okay... I smiled when I read that because I often wondered about when I will die but not right now. I want to live and become a mother first :) that will be my greatest joy... I can't wait to be a mom.

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2025-12-23T14:18:19+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 23 Décembre 2025 à 02:18 PM

Update

Well I’m not sure what to name this, but I’m currently battling a common cold. I can still work out and I did go to my 5 am session this morning. I was very annoyed to learn that the gym will be closed on Christmas. Well I don’t celebrate Christmas and to me that’s just a normal day. I forgot if they were open or closed last year, so I asked the staffed and they were confuse with the question! Lol I mean it’s a simple question! Are you open or not? Well no okay now you answer my question.

I hate the holidays, I get so lonely and sad. Well now I’m sick with a cold so I can add that to the list. I’ve been taking a shot of ginger daily to fight this virus, it slows me down a little bit but it’s not too bad. I feel like jumping off a bridge when it’s time for the holidays ugh let me not say that I turn 29 years old tomorrow wow I feel so old.

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2025-12-21T01:04:57+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 21 Décembre 2025 à 01:04 AM

I'm 28 and sometimes I'm embarrassed to admit that :

I still haven't found my person, I'm still single, because I refuse situationships and non official relationships.
I've done many things, but sometimes I'm still learning to be proud of myself.
Some days I feel late in life. And I'm still figuring out what I truly love to do.
I have parents who gave me everything.
And the big one I’m still a virgin, I’m not embarrassed anymore because that’s beautiful. But a guy I used made me feel like something was wrong with me and he stopped talking to me because of that

And sometimes I feel I haven't given enough back yet especially to my sweet mom.

I'm not trying to be perfect i'm just trying to become someone I'm proud of.

Maybe you feel the same. And that's okay.

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2025-12-20T01:51:29+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 20 Décembre 2025 à 01:51 AM

The most misconception about my fitness journey is that I always eat healthy! Actually not really.

During my luteal phase last week I ate a box of pepperoni pizza in one sitting but it was a small box! I haven’t had pizza in probably a year before then. I eat chips in the morning and I eat takeout on the weekends. Honestly I am going to stop eating out and start cooking more now. I cook every Sunday for the whole week, I usually cook 2 meals one for lunch and one for dinner for the week so that’s 10 bowls of food for the week ( which is my meal prepping technique on Sundays)

During my luteal phase that’s when I mess up the most! I crave a lot of unhealthy things and I am normally really bloated. I always have to remind myself to be kind to myself and to remember that during my ovulation phase I am glowing, my skin is beautiful and I feel amazing. The luteal phase is a reminder that I’m not perfect and I’ll never be perfect! It always kick my ass! I normally feel sad, I get pimples, I eat everything and anything ( I always have to stop myself from overeating) I feel weak, I feel exhausted and I sleep a lot, I am cranky, I’m angry, my patience usually runs thin… ugh I’m so glad that’s over. As I am now dying from my period. I felt dizzy the whole day, I can’t stand up too quickly or I will fall! I had to stay seated or laying down way more… ugh why? Oh and don’t forget my cramps ! I felt like dying the whole day.

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2025-12-19T11:09:56+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 19 Décembre 2025 à 11:09 AM

Looks like my period is trying to take me out before the end of the year! I am so lightheaded, I have excruciating cramps! Today is Friday and it’s 5am I woke up to work out around 4 am, I fell in the shower so I can’t work out because I’m too dizzy. I was a little dizzy yesterday when I was standing well now I just fall ! I can’t even stand! I’m lying down on a heating pad. I’m scared, I don’t even know why it’s this bad today wait actually I know because I have low iron and I didn’t take the meds like my doctor said so now I’m suffering. I don’t know if I can work today…

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2025-12-18T02:24:37+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 18 Décembre 2025 à 02:24 AM

I’m having the worse luteal phase this week. I keep having headaches, I feel weak and shaky but I’m eating like a madman. I hate the days leading up to my period. I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m hungry, I’m sleepy ugh why? My period is not that bad but the days leading up to it are the worse.

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2025-12-17T14:29:32+01:00

why I don't do certain things

Publié par Gaelle.R 17 Décembre 2025 à 02:29 PM

Some people might find it weird that I don't smoke, don't even drink (unless half a glass of wine for a few days out of 2 months count?), I don't celebrate Christmas, birthdays or any holidays... someone came up to me to me once and told me " I feel so bad for you that you can't celebrate thanksgiving, birthdays or Christmas you must be miserable" I looked at that person and smiled and I thought "if only they knew how much I don't care about those things". There's a ton of reasons as to why I don't celebrate any of those things and it's not that I can't it's more like a chose not to celebrate any of that stuff.

I am not miserable because I chose not to celebrate my birthday or any holidays if anything I've never celebrated any of that stuff. There were 2 instances where I celebrated my birthday well I tried but the whole thing felt weird because ever since I was born I didn't grow up celebrating anyone's birthday. I was born a Christian specifically a Jehovah's witness, my family raised me as a Jehovah witness and I fell in love with the truth at a very young age. I got baptized very young and became a publisher at 5 years old... I was really mature as a child :)

why I don't celebrate my birthday: Jehovah's witness do not celebrate birthdays because we believe that such celebrations displease God. The bible doesn't clearly states " ABSTAIN FROM CELEBRATING ONES BIRTHDAY" as the bible doesn't clearly states " DON'T SMOKE WEED" but we know such practice is not safe or appropriate for a Christian. But the bible does help us to reason on certain matters and how God views certain practice. Here are some tangible reasons as to why I along with my fellow Jehovah's witness family don't celebrate birthdays:

birthday celebrations have pagan roots: according to funk & Wagnalls standard dictionary of folklore, Mythology and legend birthday celebrations originated from the belied that on a person's birthday evil spirits and influences have the opportunity to attack the person celebrating and that the presence of friends and the expression of good wishes (blowing wishing on candles on a cake) help to protect the person celebrating. the book lore of birthdays says that in ancient times birthday records were essential for the casting of a horoscope based on the mystic science of astrology. This book adds that birthday candles in people's belief are endowed with special magic of granting wishes. Now why would a Christian take part in seeking anything that would grant wishes when you can simply pray to God and ask him what you need. who are you asking to grant those wishes because forgive my French but God is certainly not listening to that nonsense. One thing to always remember is that the bible condemns the use of magic, divination and spiritism. God is very jealous he doesn't like sharing his deserved praised and adoration with any other gods. Jehovah witnesses are always making sure they are not doing anything to displease and if celebrating my birthday makes God angry or disappointed I would rather skip it all together. It's too close of a risk to celebrate my birthday when the whole thing is intertwined with paganism and why are people wishing me a happy birthday no really think about it , will I die if no one wishes me a happy birthday quite frankly no. I will keep on living because Jehovah is the one sustaining me and nothing else.
one thing I would like to highlight the early Christians which are the Israelites, Abraham, Jacob, the apostles, Sarah, Ruth and Nahomi, even Jesus did not celebrate their birthdays. there's nowhere in the bibles it states "let's all gather to celebrate the birthday of ___ Jesus, Mary or Jacob" Nowhere did birthday celebration showed in a good light. if Jesus did not celebrate his birthday why would I? I am following Jesus footsteps as much as I can. I am not perfect like Jesus was but I am trying my best to please God in any way that I can.
the only commemoration that Christians are required to keep involves not a birth but a death and that is the death of Jesus (as Luke 22: 19 states " Also, he took a loaf, gave thanks, broke it, and gave it to them, saying: “This means my body,c which is to be given in your behalf. Keep doing this in remembrance of me.”) all of this should not be surprising as the bible says the day of death is better than the day of birth and that's in (Ecclesiastes 7:1) by the end of of Jesus life on earth he made the day of his death more important than the day of his birth. Think about this for a minute Christmas is celebrating Jesus's birth imagine you were Jesus and you came here to suffer and die for humanity, you leave and after you left all they're celebrating is the day you were born??? I would be pissed! what about the sacrifice I made for you when I died for you? isn't that worth celebrating way more than my birth? (also Jesus wasn't born in December but that's a whole another discussion for another time)
as I said in the beginning The bible never refers to a servant of God celebrating a birthday: no God did not forget to mention that trust me anything that's important was mention clearly in the bible. There were however 2 events that were mentioned where there's a record of 2 birthday celebrations by those not serving God and both of those events were presented in a bad light (I won't follow that example)
one other reason is that I find the whole celebrating my birthday to be vain, it's like look at me, look at my outfit, come to my party... it's all attention seeking and vain. I don't like sitting and people singing to me what am I? all of that makes me uncomfortable I hate it.

I love presents and I think presents can be given anytime of the year not on a specific day. Give me a present because you want to but don;t feel obliagted to give me something ebcause it's my birthday.

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2025-12-15T18:29:23+01:00

cold weather vs the gym

Publié par Gaelle.R 15 Décembre 2025 à 06:29 PM

The winter will really test your dedication for the gym, I woke up around 4am today and got ready for the gym but it wasn't easy. Let me just say it was hard! my bed was sooo warm and it was early in the morning so sleeping felt like the only option. But I got up anyway and left my bed, I had no motivation just discipline. Last year was a little different because I used to work out in the afternoon and honestly I don't know how I did that because now the minute I get home from work I am not getting back outside all I see is my bed, blanket, or my couch with food, wine, my cats and my TV.

Working out in the afternoon no longer seems appealing to me anymore, I love my early mornings workout because I feel like I have the rest of the day to do whatever I want. I can even go for a jog in the afternoon after my morning lift. Waking up early in a stone cold weather with a mountain of snow outside will test your real motive for going to the gym, it will show how dedicated you are or if you're only in this when the time is right meaning you only go to the gym when the weather is warm and the birds are chirping outside. Will you wake up wipe up snow on your car to go to the gym? or will you snuggled up in bed in sleep and just skip the gym for the day enterily? the choice is yours.

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2025-12-15T16:00:56+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 15 Décembre 2025 à 04:00 PM

The older I get the more avoidant I become; I've always been an avoidant but the types have changed drastically. when I was in my early 20's which is when I can fully remember my display of attachment. I used to be a little clingy almost hot and cold. I would want closeness but fear it at the same time so I would run away with the fear of being rejected.

this is how I used to be: Fearful avoidant

Core Characteristics

1. Fear of Intimacy and Abandonment

Wants emotional closeness but fears being hurt or rejected
Intimacy feels unsafe, yet distance feels painful
Constant inner conflict: “I need you” vs. “I can’t trust you”

2. Push–Pull Relationship Patterns

Pursues connection, then suddenly withdraws
Alternates between craving reassurance and needing space
May sabotage relationships when they start to feel secure

3. Emotional Intensity & Instability

Strong emotional reactions
Mood shifts quickly based on relationship cues
Highly sensitive to perceived rejection or criticism

4. Negative View of Self and Others

Feels unworthy of love (anxious side)
Believes others will hurt, abandon, or control them (avoidant side)

5. Hypervigilance to Threats

Constantly scans for signs of rejection
Overanalyzes texts, tone, and behavior
Small triggers can cause big emotional responses

6. Difficulty Regulating Emotions

Struggles to self-soothe
May become overwhelmed or shut down (especially after I tried to be vulnerable)
Can alternate between emotional flooding and numbness (I used to be oh I want love, I want it now to I hate men leave me alone)

7. Inconsistent Communication

May overshare emotions, then regret it and pull away
Avoids direct needs but resents unmet expectations
Can appear confusing or unpredictable to partners

8. Trauma or Chaotic Early Relationships

Often linked to childhood neglect, abuse, or inconsistent caregiving
Caregivers were both a source of comfort and fear

In Relationships

Deep longing for connection
Fear of commitment and fear of being alone
Tends to attract or be attracted to emotionally unavailable partners
Cycles of intense closeness followed by distance

Strengths

Deep emotional capacity
High empathy and intuition
Passionate and caring when feeling safe

Challenges

Self-sabotage in relationships
Difficulty trusting safety and stability
High emotional exhaustion for both self and partners

well now because I struggle so much with love and intimacy I have a dismissive avoidant attachment. I dismiss love entirely, I may not say it but actions prove it.

Core Characteristics

1. Strong Emphasis on Independence

Highly values autonomy and self-reliance
Discomfort with depending on others or being depended on
Prefers “I’ve got this” mindset

2. Emotional Distance

Difficulty expressing emotions, especially vulnerable ones
Appears calm or unaffected during emotional situations (my heart could be breaking and I would have a stone face)
Tends to intellectualize feelings rather than feel them (I haven't felt anything in years! lol I do struggle to cry or feel deep emotional pain but out of nowhere I get a flood of emotions at the worse possible location or circumstances)

3. Discomfort with Intimacy

Feels overwhelmed or trapped by too much closeness
Pulls away when relationships become emotionally deep
May avoid serious commitment or long-term planning (I mostly look for anything casual because deep relationship might be too much for me to handle)

4. Deactivating Strategies

Suppresses attachment needs (“I don’t need anyone”)
Minimizes problems in relationships
Focuses on flaws in partners to justify distance

5. High Self-Esteem, Low Trust in Others

Generally positive self-view
Assumes others are unreliable, needy, or intrusive
Hesitant to ask for help

6. Conflict Avoidance

Withdraws during emotional conflict
Shuts down, goes silent, or becomes dismissive
Prefers space over discussion

7. Limited Emotional Awareness

Struggles to identify or name emotions
May seem emotionally flat or detached
Often unaware of their own attachment needs

In Relationships

Appears charming, confident, and low-maintenance early on
Loses interest when emotional demands increase
Needs significant personal space
May end relationships abruptly

Common Origins

Caregivers who were emotionally unavailable, rejecting, or overly focused on independence
Early learning that expressing needs led to disappointment

Strengths

Self-sufficient and resilient
Handles stress independently
Comfortable being alone
Logical and composed under pressure

Challenges

Difficulty forming deep emotional bonds
Partners may feel shut out or unimportant
Unmet emotional needs can surface as burnout, loneliness, or sudden detachment

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2025-12-15T15:01:45+01:00

gun violence

Publié par Gaelle.R 15 Décembre 2025 à 03:01 PM

As Gun violence is taking its toll on the population I just want to talk about the shooting that happened on Saturday at brown university in Providence Ri. It was scary and I can only imagine how those students who were taking their finals felt when all of that was happening. It is an Ivy league school no one would've thought something like this would happened. I am not shocked by it because we are living in the last days and the bible already predicted all of this.

One could argue well you were against the assassination of Charlie Kirk yet Here's what he said about gun violence "I think it's worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights. That is a prudent deal. It is rational. Nobody talks like this. They live in a complete alternate universe." I am against anyone's assassination in my opinion guns should not exist! any weapons use to kill people should have never existed in the first place. I don't agree with Charlie Kirk on a lot of things but he never should have died like that on national television for millions to see and among those people are his kids...

My heart breaks for anyone who has their loved ones died by gun violence, we were not created to suffer like this. God created us to be happy but sadly Adam and Eve ruined all of that for us. Let's not forget the promise that God made to us that one day we shall live everlasting life in paradise.

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