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Honestly after the week that I had last week I feel like a totally different person. I am not even sure I am 100% recovered from all of the stress that I went through, I will take this week end to reset. I plan on going to a sauna, do a cold plunge or getting a massage...one or all of them I don't know. In my mind last week I died...and in a way I did die...a part of me will never be the same. I never cried this hard throughout this year like I did last week, in fact I didn't cry all year. It was all a build up of emotions, past hurt, realization and heartache... all the emotions came back to the surface and I didn't know how to push them back down.
I realize who were my real supporters, my fake friends and my die hard family and friends. Best friends became strangers, family became enemies, lovers became just an after thought. The people I thought would have my back didn't, the people I never in a 10000 years thought would be there for me were! Jehovah stayed with me throughout the whole ordeal....I was suicidal actually no correction the thought did cross my mind because it was just too much to handle. If no one had come through for me in any way I would not be here this week...what I am trying to do is to learn ways to deal instead of looking for a quick way out. I need to be stronger than this and stop faking being okay.