No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2025-11-03T16:46:03+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 3 Novembre 2025 à 04:46 PM

Three words to describe me: Disciplined, calm, mysterious.

I am not boring, the way that I chose to have fun doesn't always involve spending a lot of money on a outfit and going somewhere to spend even more money. My idea of fun is mostly ordering takeout invite a few friends over, do activities or watch a movie. My connections always go deep because I spend time with my friends in a private setting, it is never shallow. I am not friends with anyone I cannot be myself with or feel at ease with. I am far from boring, if I am boring to someone it's because I don't want them to get to know the real me.

Don't come to me with a lot of emotions, if you're screaming and crying I will try to calm you down not because I want you to calm down but because I am overstimulated and I can't hear a word you're saying unless you're calm down. I don' show a lot of emotions, it's not that I am not capable of being emotional but rather I know how to control my emotions.

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2025-11-02T23:03:46+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 2 Novembre 2025 à 11:03 PM

When he sent flowers to my apartment just because ;))
When he takes pictures of me even if I pretend I hate it but I love that he tried and the pic comes out good ;)))
When he grabs me by the waist
When he takes my phone and take selfies in it
When he takes my hand to lead me in a crowd
When he carries me over his shoulder
When he whisper in my ear
When he licks my ear
When he pull me closer to him
When he surprise me with something I did not expect ( a night out to my favorite restaurant or when he does something I like but I know he might not like but he does it for me!)
When he writes me love letters

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2025-11-02T19:45:30+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 2 Novembre 2025 à 07:45 PM

“He’s using you” they said not knowing I want to do the same deprave things he wants. He didn’t have to persuade me at all, if anything at times I feel as though I am using him. I wouldn’t pass an opportunity to get him naked and he wouldn’t either. I guess we’re both using each other. He wants nothing more and I want nothing less than what he’s offering.

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2025-11-01T23:20:02+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 1 Novembre 2025 à 11:20 PM

What’s something you’ve changed your mind about recently ?

I changed my mind about a piercing I was going to get.

How do you find meaning in life?

I find meaning when I hang out with people who stimulate my mind, people I can have deep and life changing conversations with.

What has been your greatest challenge, and how did you overcome it?

My greatest challenge always been my inability to open to people, to let my guard down. I can hang out with people for years and they don’t know much about me. I realize I could be good friends with someone and they have no idea what my life is like, for example you could be my friend and suddenly one day you’re finding out for the first time that I have been taking piano lessons every Friday night for the past 3 months lol. I don’t think I overcome my inability to open up to people, I am still working on it. If I am able to be myself around you, just know you are special!

What makes you most alive?

Lifting heavy weights

What book or movie has significantly impacted your thoughts or your life?

The bell jar by Sylvia Plath (after I read that book it took me a few days to feel okay) one movie that changed my view on love and family is atonement (I cried for days after that movie, I can’t watch it again)

How do you deal with uncertainty and stress ?

With uncertainty I journal my thoughts down until I can come up with an explanation for my situation and to process it. For stress I run, lift weights, and pray until I feel better. One time I prayed for 6 hours straight! I was in agony, pain, shame and I just couldn’t take it without Jehovah’s help.

What are you most grateful for in your life?

Being able to work out, my mom, my cats, my job.

How do you like to spend your free time ?

Napping, eating, cooking, reading, watching movies, playing video games, watching football, playing with my cats

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2025-11-01T22:34:41+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 1 Novembre 2025 à 10:34 PM

I am taking another rest day. Today would have been leg day but I can’t do that to my body, I am not fully healed. I am still congested although I cough less but I am still coughing here and there. I do feel weak a little bit, I am eating well. I just need to keep hydrating myself, drink tea, continue to take meds… I want to come back strong and healthy.

I realize the more I put my body through stress the more I delay my recovery. When you lift weights you put stress on your cardiovascular system and I am already not able to breathe under too much stress due to my nasal congestion. I feel sad but I have to rest. I want to cry because I would’ve been in the gym right now but that’s okay I’ll be back stronger next week. I am watching the real Madrid’s game and Mbappé already scored twice I want him to get a hat trick this game if he scores a third one. But he just got a yellow card so the coach will take him off soon :(

Ugh I hate being sick.

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2025-10-31T21:14:14+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 31 Octobre 2025 à 09:14 PM

When someone disrespects me in any way shape or form but I don’t say anything they may think I am weak, they may think they got away with it, they may also think they can disrespect me again. But that’s where they’re wrong, I know what they did to me was in fact disrespectful but it normally takes me a little minute to process what just happened. I am a kind person and I don’t think anything evil just for fun so when someone is being mean to me it takes me a while to process that their intention is in fact malicious.

I am not someone who will scream or cuss anyone out. I do believe people’s true intentions will always be revealed to me at some point. I will cut that person out of my life indefinitely and act like they never existed. I have no bone in my body for revenge, I am God’s child so therefore God will take care of what needs to be taken care of for me. I won’t do anything to show that person I didn’t deserve how they treat me, I do believe they will realize what they did was wrong and if they don’t then that’s on them. What I’ll do, I’ll take a step back, and ignore that person entire existence.

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2025-10-31T21:05:37+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 31 Octobre 2025 à 09:05 PM

Well I should be getting better by now but because I haven’t properly rest I’ve made things worse for my recovery. I may have bronchitis because I have a wheezing cough and my chest hurts a little when I cough. It wasn’t like that yesterday, I worked out on Wednesday and yesterday which I wasn’t supposed to do! If I didn’t work out I believe my congestion would have been better today. Lifting weights while being sick does more harm than good and I realize that now. Next time I am sick I will give myself the time to rest properly and take a break from working out.

I woke up at 4:24am today for my morning work out and I tried to do a HiiT exercise which was not a good idea! Because Doing a high intensity workout in my state is diabolical! I was gasping for air, coughing, sneezing I was a mess! I had to cut my work out short and go home instead. I lost my voice throughout my workout… I wish I didn’t work out this morning but what’s done is done. I am still able to eat. I took today to rest and I slept most of the morning I feel slightly better compare to how I woke up! Basically my body was craving rest. I wish I stayed in bed all day but I didn’t ! I actually cleaned out my closet. I have been avoiding my closet for a month now and it was a crime scene in there! I have a lot of clothes and there were some clothes I forgot I own! Yeah I love fashion and all but I need to chill on the shopping. I have way too many clothes.

I will be resting the rest of the afternoon because my chest is not fully cleared and I am still very congested.

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2025-10-30T14:08:14+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 30 Octobre 2025 à 02:08 PM

back on the topic of being an introvert, and yes I am a little shy in large social gatherings. Big deal lol, In the past I hated admitting things about myself especially if it didn't paint me in the light of the person I want to be...but I am not perfect and I have tons of flaws. Truth is I am not always a nice person, I am not always accommodating or willing to help, I can be boring, I can be standoffish, I can be a bitch lol, I can be stubborn, mean, rude ... those are all humans emotions but it doesn't mean I have to act on those feelings.

This year I have been doing a ton of inner work and one of the things I am currently working on is to accept who I am as a person. Accept my flaws, admit that I have them so that I can begin working on them. I love my alone time but I need to spend time with other people. I socialize at work but it's not the same, at times I need a girls night out. Dating has always been hard for me because I get excited when I meet someone and then I get tired of making efforts, that's how I know I have never been in love. I have been infatuated, obsessed but love? I am not sure I know what the love between a man and a woman is. It's like the moment I start talking to a guy, I begin making a list of all the things that's wrong with him before I can even fall for him. I have needs... but love? I don't know what that is. I read about it, I see people fall in love but I don't think that will ever happen to me. I hope I am wrong but for now I don't see it happening. I do talk to guys, I do go out on dates but I am not sure what to do with them when they want to move to the next step (gee I sound like I am collecting men lol) I don't promise any guy anything. I barely contact them. If they don't call, I don't call; they don't text, I don't text. I am also an avoidant, which is bad and not a flex! I hate that I avoid love...I am working to feel secure and not run away all the time.

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2025-10-29T20:33:07+01:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Octobre 2025 à 08:33 PM

Introverted

I came here multiple times to refute the idea that I am an introvert, sometimes I would admit it but I would often say that I am an ambivert. Truth is I am an introvert and everything I like identify me as that.

I don’t like to talk when I don’t have to talk. I like a peaceful life, I hate crowds and I hate loud people. I get overstimulated quickly and I hate to be in a busy environment. If you see me walking down the street and you don’t feel like saying hi well don’t worry I don’t want to say hi either. I like being alone, so much that I have to force myself to date. I hate talking on the phone, I hate FaceTiming… it’s a lot of work. It has to be organic, someone who respect my boundaries and who doesn’t want to change me.

I’ll talk more about this later I am going to sleep, I just took a NyQuil and I am about to sleep the whole afternoon it’s currently 3:30 pm I should be up by 10 pm lol and fall asleep again. See how would I explain that to a man?! He would lose interest I need someone who understands me and who trusts me.

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2025-10-29T14:06:12+01:00

sick

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Octobre 2025 à 02:06 PM

I am currently battling a common cold...it is not the worse but it's annoying. I am able to work out but not at the same intensity. I did my best today... considering that I have a runny nose, cough, headache and mild fatigue even though I slept for 10 hours. I tested for flu/covid/strep and they all came back negative thank God. So I don't have to worry about those things but I am still sick. I would not work out if I had a fever, chest pain and shortness of breath; I would just rest and wait until I am better but since this is just a common cold I can do certain activities. For the past 2 days I have been going to bed at 7pm because I felt sick... I have no energy in the afternoon which is why I work out in the morning.

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