No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2020-12-09T05:13:02+01:00

5 words to describe me.

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Décembre 2020 à 05:13 AM

independent: I am not just talking about material things, yes I do take care of myself and provide for myself but that's not what I only see in an independent woman. I am independent in the sense that I don't rely on anyone to have a good time. I never seek validation I do what I do and I love it, if there are changes to be made I will make them along the way. I feel like it's everyone's responsibility to work and provide for themselves.
Loyal. I am the most loyal friend and lover. Once I claim you as my person there's nothing I wouldn't do for you and I will always have your back no matter what. People will not talk bad about my friends or significant other in my presence because I will shut it down.
courageous. I have walked through fire and came back without a single burn. The things that I deal with some people might wonder how I remain so calm. I am willing to put myself out there even if I am being ridiculed at least I am fighting for something.
confident. I love who I am becoming despite the ups and downs.
Fierce. I love changing my hair, changing my looks, and I always have a fierce attitude despite everything.

extra: I am also classy I cannot forget that one. I am soft-spoken and my style is always classy never trashy!

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2020-12-07T05:22:08+01:00

Being an INFJ and an Introvert.

Publié par Gaelle.R 7 Décembre 2020 à 05:22 AM

I mean can I be any weirder? but honestly, I wouldn't like anyone calling me weird because I am who I am and there's nothing else to it. Being an INFJ makes me really different because I am part of the 2% of people who are INFJ in the US population. It's not easy to find that mix and I know that some people may not understand my personality well hence why I have this blog for anyone who is wondering about me? or wanting to know more about the quiet girl in the room.

As an introvert, I get drained fast in social gatherings like I can socialize for 2 hours straight and that is on a good day! otherwise, I just keep to myself which is not good I know. People often mistake my quietness or my not engaging personality as being rude and dismissive, but I am neither of those things. Being an INFJ makes me really empathetic and it gives me the ability to put myself in someone else's shoes which is why when someone close to me makes a mistake I look way past that mistake I analyze the situation and connect the dot to their backgrounds such as their insecurities and childhood traumas. My quietness has nothing to do with me being dismissive 9/10 times I am nervous and if I am in a group setting you will not hear much from me, I just kind of faded into the background because engaging with a lot of people at once is so draining for me.

Being an INFJ allows me to read people very well because I can read their facial expressions which allows me to get into their world. Most of the time I can identify the person who is shy, introverted like me because I can see myself in them. Just to clarify I do not have social anxiety, I do get drained after spending a lot of time socializing or at least a few hours because that is a lot of time to me. That doesn't mean that I cannot engage with people I just have a life battery and I just have to keep that in mind just in case my battery is dying.

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2020-12-06T04:57:32+01:00

someone new

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Décembre 2020 à 04:57 AM

I have grown from my mistakes and setbacks.

I am not the same person I was 2 months ago.

I say how I feel and I go straight to the point.

I don't worry about what I cannot change.

I don't let anything stress me out anymore.

I don't rely on anyone.

I go get what I want.

I now know my limits.

I am more self-aware.

I own up to my mistake and I back up what I said.

Physically I am totally different, mentally I am a new person.

It will feel like you're meeting me for the first time if we stopped talking.

I don't take no bs I either block it out or walk away.

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2020-12-06T04:30:53+01:00

being an only child.

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Décembre 2020 à 04:30 AM

I grew up being an only child and I was okay with it I wasn't too thrilled about it because all my friends had siblings but I didn't have any or at least I didn't know him. I do have a half-sibling but we are not on good terms I think? and we don't know each other that well. I grew up without knowing him but I did not feel isolated because I am so close to my mom so she became the sister I never had. I was known to have the coolest mom and she was friends with all my friends sometimes they came over just to see her like how sweet?. Honestly, she made me feel like she was my age but at times I did want to have a little sister. Being the overprotective person that I am I always wanted to protect and take care of someone but sadly that did not happen and I found out that friends find that annoying.

I know that they typically say being an only child often makes the child not like sharing their things and that they love to get all the attention. Personally, I can say that is not true! someone who likes all the attention has nothing to do with being an only child... but I get where they are coming from with that because being an only child you kind of have all your mom and dad's attention but that is not the case for me. However, the part about not liking to share with others I can agree to that because growing up as an only child I did have all the toys to myself but my mom always made me share with others even If I did not like that. I still don't like sharing not so much my stuff but my friends and my significant other, I guess I kinda have to learn to share the people I love because there are other people on the planet and of course I am number one but I mean they can have other friends I guess.

Being an only child I can testify that despite getting all the things that you want without having to share them with anyone it can be a little lonely. When I was a kid I used to hang out with my childhood best friend a lot but when she goes home I used to be really sad. The fact about being an only child is that we often want to make our friends part of our family, we probably do a lot for them and expect them to always be there but the truth is they are just friends. I always had just a few friends but I treated all of them as my brothers and sisters but when I realize that at the end of the day they have to do what's best for them and if that means keeping me out of their plan I have to accept it because I am just a friend. I guess that was a really big part I had to learn because we cannot expect too much from anyone it is not healthy.

Now that I've grown I realize that if either of my parents dies I will probably be all alone...It hurts and at times I wish I had a sibling that I could count on or that supported me through hard times. There are certain things that only a family member or someone who grew up with you will understand. The one person I had close to a sibling passed away 2 years ago in December which is why this month is one of the hardest months that I have to live through. Being an only child I can say that we focus a lot on our education especially if we were raised in a strict family (which I was) They always expect a lot out of me because I am the only one. I had a lot of downtime which I would spend reading and writing, it was good times but the best part of it all was living with my mom because I love her so much maybe a little more than I love myself. I love my dad too by the way but I lived with my mom so I am closer to her.

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2020-12-05T04:53:58+01:00

your lost.

Publié par Gaelle.R 5 Décembre 2020 à 04:53 AM

You made me hide in your shadow,

saying my presence was too imposing.

Making me feel like I wasn't enough.

you hushed my mouth when I was letting myself be free.

You couldn't handle me,

So you made me feel like something was wrong with me.

When all along I was the prize,

I was the one who was being loyal and true.

While you hide behind your ego,

you couldn't see the treasure that was exposed right in front of you.

....

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2020-12-02T03:11:14+01:00

likes and dislikes

Publié par Gaelle.R 2 Décembre 2020 à 03:11 AM

I like waking up in the morning and feeling rested to the point where I can sit to have coffee or tea. I would have to be very rested to drink tea in the morning, otherwise, I'll be running out of the house or staying in bed until midday.
I like watching a show and loving it because it is my first time watching. "I love that feeling of not knowing what to expect"
I like meeting someone new, doesn't matter where but the feeling of meeting another soul that I can have a full conversation with without feeling like I want to run or end the conversation is very rare. I mean on the same day I usually chill after I get to know someone.
I like listening to a song that makes me want to dance and act crazy (some people might never expect me to act the way I act when my song comes on)
I like lots of pillows and comfy blankets because I can sleep well that way.
I like chocolate but I feel like I am starting to like it too much and that is why my face is breaking out but who knows? I just can't take any chances right now I want my face to clear so no chocolate until I find out the source of my acne.
I love cooking something out of nowhere and it turns out to be delicious especially on those late nights trips to the kitchen.
I hate throwing away food because I know someone somewhere is probably hungry and that makes me feel bad.
I hate glowy makeup give me matte.
I hate Starbucks sorry I don't see what the hype is all about maybe I haven't ordered a drink that I like.
I hate buying food out that I can make. That is new because I used to love eating out but I prefer to cook now because I want to be a good cook, who knows I might have a family someday!
I hate when someone texts me multiple texts when you could've just written a paragraph like stop blowing up my phone or I will block you!
I hate when my alarm wakes me up lol I always try to wake up before it rings! I am weird I know and I love it !

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2020-12-02T01:27:23+01:00

12.01

Publié par Gaelle.R 2 Décembre 2020 à 01:27 AM

chaotic mind.

Unsolicited arguments.

Meditation over altercations.

Mind racing because it's starting again.

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2020-11-29T18:19:53+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Novembre 2020 à 06:19 PM

"you are way more than what meets the eyes." _said someone who once met me.

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2020-11-29T05:15:02+01:00

December.

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Novembre 2020 à 05:15 AM

The month that I get older.

The month that I cry the hardest because I've lost someone.

It's not about me, it never was.

I get older regardless, I don't need an exact date to grow up.

I am growing each day.

Every day I am learning something new and I am somehow born again.

It is indeed the hardest month for 2 years now.

I wish I could skip to January.

It's a month of sorrow whether I want it or not.

Some might get tired of how long I take to move on, but the grieving process is never easy.

I could care less about what anyone thinks.

I will let my emotions show, I will let the tears drown my face.

I am not going to keep anything in, It's the month to let my pain be felt.

I will be okay the rest of the year but this month is dedicated to my pain.

You can either lend me a shoulder to cry on or stay away.

Either way, I will be fine after.

Jehovah is always by my side.

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2020-11-28T04:37:40+01:00

facts.

Publié par Gaelle.R 28 Novembre 2020 à 04:37 AM

some truths.

I write better when I am sad. For some reason, the pain just inspires me even more. I try to not get carried away because I could express my pain way more than I actually feel it, to sum it up I tend to exaggerate my pain when I am hurting. I tend to describe it as a "dark hole" because I am not able to describe some pain too well. As I get older I get familiar with what a broken heart feels like which is like a physical pain like being hit with a ball hard but you feel the pain in your heart. I get familiar with the feeling of being disappointed which is like a feeling of realizing that things are not what they seem and the list goes on...
I never hit snooze on my alarm clock except on the weekend because that is the only time I feel comfortable to hit snooze and delay my day. I don't have to go to work on the weekend so it doesn't hurt that much to sleep in. I cannot have multiple alarms to wake me up because one is enough and multiple alarms give me headaches.
I like vintage stuff like typewriter, record player (I just got one and I am so happy), old photograph, old furniture with a classic touch, old movies (black and white films) the way the actors speak is so different it's like from a different time it's just so clean and sophisticated.
Hugs make me uncomfortable I said that before lol.
I love disappearing. You could see me for a while and never see me again so enjoy my presence while it last because I won't always be there even if it feels like I am. I will leave one day and I may not come back.
I love classical music. My love for classical music is really deep I don't know how to describe it. Also, I hate jazz sorry.

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