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2020-11-26T21:17:21+01:00
In solitude I find peace.
I am not fighting with an enemy from the outside because I have sealed the gate.
There are no voices coming from across the room beside my own.
I am not living for anyone as I am already alone.
I cannot say "the world is against me" because no one is causing me pain.
I have already got rid of all the toxicity in my life.
I've put up a wall to protect me from any intruder.
As I stand in my castle of solitude, I revel in my own misery.
2020-11-26T04:10:37+01:00
All the memories are fading away.
I can no longer remember how it felt to be there on the first day.
I cannot remember any of it.
I forget some people.
I forget the way I used to feel.
I forget a lot...
sometimes I wonder if I was really there.
2020-11-26T03:42:26+01:00
Even though I am experiencing writer's block or at least I thought I was; I really thought I couldn't write anymore until I wrote that piece earlier. I wasn't doing too well but now I am doing okay and I am happy that I realized that I could still write despite all the things going on inside my head. I usually stop writing when I don't want to feel anything but I am tired of being numb. I am not sure if I am ready to feel the pain but I am willing to give it a try even if it kills me...
2020-11-26T03:10:35+01:00
Three words that I want to say "sick of it", yes sick of the illusion that things could be different.
Things are right just the way they are even when I cry.
I am supposed to cry to grow from the pain and turn it into power.
Things are right when I scream and want to run away.
I am supposed to scream because emotions are meant to be felt and screaming is one way to feel it.
Things are right when I wake up alone and scared.
I am supposed to know what being scared feels like so I can feel safe when the timing is right.
Things are right when I lose things.
I am supposed to lose things because that is the only way they can be found again.
Things are right when I sit in the dark overthinking.
I am supposed to overthink so I can figure out what step I should take next.
Things were right when I met you.
I was supposed to meet you even if you were going to hurt me.
Things are right when my heart is breaking.
I am supposed to feel my heartbreaking because that is the only way I can feel it being put back together.
Things are right when I disappear.
I am supposed to disappear because nothing changes when I come back.
2020-11-21T16:17:01+01:00
What’s the worse thing that could happen to you?
The worse thing that could happen to me is realizing that I told someone too much because I am the most private person ever. If I’ve opened myself to you that means I trust you and I don’t just trust “anyone”. You would have to make me feel comfortable and prove to me that I could trust you. Either way that’s the worse thing that could happen to me.
The best thing that could happen to me?
The best thing that could happen to me would be a place for me to be myself without anyone trying to change me because I always meet people who are trying to tell me who I should be while I am already a whole human being. Don’t confuse “a place to be myself” as accepting all my wrongdoing without anyone pointing it out to me no that’s enabling and I don’t want anyone to let me be at my worse when I could be at my best. What I mean is to feel like I can just be my rawest self without having to polish anything. Where is that place? send me now!
2020-11-18T02:16:34+01:00
2020-11-16T05:41:56+01:00
"I would rather adjust my life to your absence than adjust my boundaries to your disrespect."
2020-11-16T05:38:09+01:00
Honestly, I am not sure if I should be giving tips on how not to feel isolated because I am the living proof that a human can live life being isolated. Although, it is not a good thing and I don't want any of you to feel isolated even if we are social distancing at the moment. I can say that all of us have been away from a lot of things and some of us have found a balance but I haven't found that balance yet.
As an introvert, I am struggling although I do not need social interaction all the time but I still need some I mean we all need human interaction. It's becoming draining for me to even socializing for a little, I don't want to be a Debbie downer but still how am I going to keep my energy up? Most of the time I do give a few tips here and there but that is one thing that I am currently struggling with right now. I will find a balance but It might be taking a while.
One thing I know for sure when you hit rock bottom the right people will be right there with you.
2020-11-16T05:14:32+01:00
hey there,
I've been really busy, I haven't really had some leisure time. I don't mind that I am busy but being on my feet for a long period of time makes my feet hurt and now I need a massage. I am sure that other people have more serious problems than not getting a foot massage but I felt really compelled to write about that because I wish someone could give me a massage.
Everything aside, I love being busy. It gives me a purpose because I am not just sitting there overthinking. It is really not a good idea to overthink things because soon enough you are going to come up with problems that aren't really there. Life is not as complicated as it seems although things can get tough but it's not the end of time.
2020-11-10T04:28:44+01:00
"The world is hard enough for me to be on a battlefield fighting with you.
My problems weigh too much on my shoulders to let you marinate my heart with nonsense.
My music is way too loud for me to hear your lies.
If I left in peace without saying a word when you least expected it just know I'm not coming back."
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