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2018-10-26T06:29:09+02:00
I used to look in your eyes looking for hope.
I used to listen to the sound of your voice to figure out my next move.
Now I only look in the mirror when I want to see a pair of eyes full of hope.
Now, I listen to the words screaming from the paper as I write them down telling me which way to go.
And when I’m not enough, I pray.
Your eyes, your voice, your touch...
Don’t mean a thing to me anymore.
It’s all gone with your deceitful acts.
2018-10-22T06:59:06+02:00
how y'all doing?
I have been writing poetry again. Some of you probably noticed that I haven't shared much of it anymore. It's because I've changed. My mind I've changed. I don't write the same way anymore. I don't know something in me just switched and I took another route I guess. I love the world of writing and I will never stop but because my computer stopped working and I never got around to get a good one. I basically been doing everything on my phone but I feel more comfortable with my own personal computer. Not a phone, Not a borrowed laptop but my own. some of my work I am not able to share with you because i'm not ready...
soon enough I will publish them.
good night,
sweet dreams.
2018-10-22T06:39:12+02:00
“If you ever die. I will kill you.”
-you hear me ?
2018-10-16T06:39:32+02:00
Hi guys.
I hope you are doing great at moment and everything is well. I am doing better.
The thing is I don’t want to talk about bad stuff at the moment I want to talk about positive things. I want to talk about something that makes me happy. I’ve been watching this guy on YouTube and he talked about what guys hate when girls do. I thought it was interesting because some of the things he said I never thought about and it was kinda obvious. He said guys really hate when girls try to act like they don’t see them and not saying hi. When he said that I started laughing so hard because I realize how much some guys may hate me !! Haha i mean I’m one those people who daydream a lot and get lost in my thoughts that I barely see you there. You may think I chose not to say hi when sometimes it’s true I don’t know why I do that LOL i just do it but other times I’m just thinking. He also mentioned how guys hate “resting bitch face” I lost it when he said it (was laughing harder) I am not a smiley person and most people who seen me knows this. I’m not a miserable person I laugh a lot and I talk a lot around the people I’m comfortable with. I usually have a resting bitch face when my friends are not around and I am in deep thoughts. I just think it’s funny how he said all this and I feel like he’s talking to me. He makes sense ladies now that I think about it no man wants to be around a woman that’s miserable and no fun. You need to have a smile on your face if the person you’re like is around (aww look at me giving y’all some tips!) if only I could take it (LOL) I love giving advice I won’t take for myself (LOL)
The reason I’m babbling like this is to preoccupied my mind with other things.
I hope y’all doing good !
Good night.
2018-10-12T18:40:19+02:00
Life is definitely hitting me and my family hard. Have you ever had a loved ones or family that passed away?
Well my cousin just passed away last week. Although I haven’t had the chance to get really close to her but it hurts to hear someone died. Especially her dad Is one of my favorite uncles. I hate to hear those news and it surely has an impact on me because I see life different. I feel like life can leave you in a blank of an eye and there’s nothing you can really do from preventing that. I always say live your best life, follow your dreams and to make sure to do exactly what you want to do. It’s only this week I am realizing how it’s important to do so. It’s after seeing so many people passed away that I am realizing that the rest of us that’s left to go on this journey need to make sure we do our best. We need to stay strong, we need to work with one another, uplift one another, believe in one another and be there for one another. Life is precious and easy to lose.
Rest in peace Cousin.
2018-10-12T15:09:20+02:00
Hey there, it’s been a while.
I know that some of you may not care how long I have been gone or what I am doing but I know somewhere out there someone cares and is watching. So this is for the people that secretly watch and love my craft. I have to believe that someone cares. I have to believe that I can still write when nothing productive is coming on the paper. I have to believe that I don’t suck even when not a lot of people seen my work or said anything bad about it. I have to believe that I will succeed when not a lot of people believe in me. I have to believe that I’m going to publish something of mine even when I’m not inspired at the moment and I don’t know what to write about. I have to stay strong when my world is falling apart because I am still breathing. I have to hold on to that rope and never let go and with that fire still burning inside of me. I don’t want to lose that fire even if sometimes I feel it fading away. I’ve got air in my lungs and thoughts in my brain why not live life ?. I don’t know what was going with me these past few weeks but I’ve got some time to really think about life in general and what I got from overthinking is that I need to make the best out of it. I’ve heard it before, I’ve heard that one needs to live life according to their own beliefs but it’s easier said than done. It’s not easy to choose when everyone have already chose a path for for you. It’s not easy to say “hey I’m going that way because that’s what I want” when everyone is waiting for you to take the other way. Perhaps I’ve got it all wrong and maybe not everyone is watching and maybe not everyone is wanting me to go the opposite way of my dreams... maybe somehow I’ll find it when I put my head down on my pillow tonight.
2018-09-09T04:36:51+02:00
I have been on my couch the whole day today that's one of the most unproductive things to do. well to be clear I only stayed on that couch for about a good half of the day because I woke up around 11. I start out my day by cleaning and all. I didn't even eat breakfast now that I think about it I should have. Right now I feel drowsy and I was like why not blog a little. I have been staying on the low meaning I basically stayed to myself I haven't really been active like I used to be on social media and I think that's one of the best things I ever did. I hate proving things to people online and some I don't know. I hate proving that I am happy, I am having fun, laughing or out with my friends. I don't wanna show off anymore because that's what I feel when I am posting what I am doing. I may post here and there but that's about it. I just want to be happy for me. I want to be out with my friends without being distracted by my phone. I just want to enjoy life without recording it. That's how I feel at the moment...This blog is about what I am feeling and about my opinions. If you love posting on social media or love doing youtube videos I am not judging you. By the way, this blog is a no judgment blog. If you think one post is about you maybe you've done something to me because I don't focus on the past like that anymore. I feel like we should all move on and accept our reality. I think that I am getting older and some things that I was passionate about or thought I like now I am discovering that I don't like anymore. There are some songs I no longer like or can't listen to without cringing to the thought of me singing when I was younger. There are some things that I used to like that right now I cannot stand I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I still love the same people tho this is not about people. I still have the same friends and I still love them well love my one friend because I had to let some go... No hard feelings I guess when you're growing up you grew apart from some people. At the moment I am finding out about the new things that I like.
I'll try to blog more but for now this it...
have a good night.
2018-09-04T03:37:55+02:00
Hey there !
I learn something today and that is “don’t rush anything” let things be the way they are and stop controlling everything because you can’t. Stop planing everything out and the way things are supposed to be because 9 out 10 times it never work out the exact way we plan it. It’s okay to be spontaneous once and while. You may want something today and for some reason you cannot have it right now but be patient. Maybe something better is waiting for you or maybe you’re not ready for it don’t try to rush it only to let it go because you can’t handle it. I mean there’s mean so many things that I wanted and some I got, some I didn’t get but got something better or I realize that I didn’t really need it. If you were living without it before it came along then you can finish living without it after it left.
2018-08-22T04:38:06+02:00
Hey there,
Perhaps some of you are asking where I am and what I am doing... if not , I am not mad lol it's not always about me and maybe it never was. Maybe you coming here is not about me at all , maybe it's about you learning something that I have no control over. If you are asking about me know that I am asking about me to, I am wondering where I am. Where is my passion, where is that light I had in the beginning of this blog.
I am here imprisoned in my thoughts, failures, fears, weakness, flaws...I am drowning in my downfall. I want to make something out of it. I want to get up and accomplish something. I don't want to feel down anymore, I don't want to feel like I am weak anymore because I am not. I have gone through so many things that showed my stregnth. I have been alone, some people left me behind, some people didn't believe in me, some people didn't take me seriously but I got up and make something out of it all. I did not stay down, I wiped my tears away and did my makeup in the morning after a whole night crying. I didn't answer to that coworker who was rude to me and I got mad at myself for not standing up for myself for not telling that person that I am not one to be taken lighlty. I didn't do anything because I was tired of fighting I was tired of standing up for myself and that's when I knew that my light was gone. That day I knew that I had given up. I knew I was not the same and that some stuff was getting through me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I felt like I am not connected to what matter most to me. I forgot how to be me because I am to busy chasing time. I got lost in the midst of trying to make everything perfect. I got lost in my failures forgetting all the blessings that I have. I forgot who I was because I failed at something. Maybe it was not the right time and maybe I needed to wait, who know?
2018-07-31T04:13:34+02:00
hey there !
how are y'all doing? well I am here hanging on that piece of hope that I had for quite some time now. I have been through a lot of hardhips and I know that I am a very reserved person sometimes it's kind of hard for me to come out of my shell. When it comes to my problems I have the tendency to hold that in and just keep it in when it should be the other way around. I should be using my hardship to motivate others in a way where I can tell them how I overcame and what they can do to get to a better place. Now I don't think that I am a role model or anything but I feel like I've been through some things that some of you may be going through right now and I just want you to know that you are not alone; I'm here and I am going through some hardhips too.
Adulting*
I used to think that being an adult is fun. Don't get me wrong being an adult is not the problem here for me but all the responsabilities that come with itis unbelieveable. If you're still living with your parents, not in college and don't have any bills to pay then consider yourself lucky because honey when I tell you it is hard to take care of everything and still go to school. I don't have any kids and I am happy that I don't right now because I'm still young and it would've been 10 times harder. I feel for the single moms, here I am working my butt off trying to pay all my bills and I still feel myself breaking. I love being independent, I hate borrowing, I love having my own stuff and for that I need to work for it. I don't want to be working my whole life, I want to write, I want to inspire people but I can't do all of that If I'm clock in somewhere and spending the whole day working and come back home exhausted ! I am not super woman and the bills aren't going to pay themselves.
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