No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2018-01-12T06:02:37+01:00

reason why I stop trying and stop talking to you.

Publié par Gaelle.R 12 Janvier 2018 à 06:02 AM

Hey there again.

I am here to clear the air it's 2018 so therefore I don't want any misunderstanding between me and anyone. Let me leave this out here I know the right people will see it and understand.

reason why I stop trying?

I stop trying to get along with you because I see that I am the only one doing the work and it almost feels like I am begging you to be my friend. One thing about me I have way too much pride to beg (I'm not proud of having too much pride but it is what is) I hate to beg or force anyone to be my friend. I never need a lot of friend so if I am trying to be your friend and I see that you don't feel like it then I will simply leave you alone.
I stop trying because I am trying to make things work between us but you keep messing it up. You keep making me feel like I am not as important to you as you are to me. You don't prove to me that I mean something to you therefore I stop trying. I feel like I am the only one telling you how much you mean to me while you just taking everything and not giving a single thing back.
I stop trying because I don't see where this is going and I don't see a future for us. I feel like I am wasting my time so I stop trying. I feel it's a dead end and that what we have will never be something bigger so I stop fighting for it.

reason why I stop talking to you?

I stop talking to you because you allow me to. You see that I don't talk to you and you don't even wonder why I stop so I simply stop for real because I see that you don't care.
I stop talking to you because I can see you don't have the best intentions at heart. I see that you don't want the best for me, you hate it when I'm too happy or hype you hate it when I'm doing better than you and I can see how jealous you are. So I stop talking to you because I don't like the negative vibe you bring around me.
I stop talking to you because you disrespected me and you never apologize therefore I stop talking to you.
I stop talking to you because you don't do me any good. You make me feel a way I don't like so I chose to avoid speaking to you

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2018-01-12T05:38:01+01:00

being wrong.

Publié par Gaelle.R 12 Janvier 2018 à 05:38 AM

Hey there,

Although I have a mild headache but I still decide to blog because I've had had this idea for the last 4 hours and I was like I can't wait to get home on my laptop and share this with you. Even though I got home eat, watch TV for a while and browse on social media but here I am.

so... being wrong uh? to be honest that's not the right tittle "being wrong" is not my point it's part of it. I am here to talk about forgiveness and saying sorry. We've all been wrong and said some things that may have hurt someone we love and care about. I personally have and perhaps it was unintentional because I would never plan to hurt someone that I love. I wish I could go back and take what I said back but I can't. I made a mistake and I won't let that be the end. What I should and must do next is go over there and sincerely apologize and hear what the person has to say to understand the hurt and the pain that they feel. we are humans and we are prone to make mistakes but what we need to do is own up to them. even though you don't know how you've hurt someone because you simply can't see what you did wrong but understand that it is not your place nor up to you to decide if the person should be hurt or not. you are not inside their head or in their feeling to know how they feel. sometimes one simple thing that you say can hurt someone. sometimes you may not speak just your body expression or because you ignore someone can hurt them. The human mind is complicated and trying to figure that out when someone is hurting is wrong. Instead of fighting to prove that you are right you actually making it worse. A loving friend don't care about who's wrong or right they care about maintaining the relationship and about being on good terms. I see great relationship get ruin because none of the people involved wanted to apologize so they would rather move on instead of making up and apologize. It takes a lot of pride to admit that you are wrong and I know that it is not easy but we have to put our pride away if we want great relationship. when you are in a relationship with someone you will fight with them, disagree but at the end of the day what you have with them is greater so you work it out with them because you realize how much you need that person and how much you love that person that you cannot live without them. Love is about forgiving, accepting, realizing, apologizing and simply love them because you just do and there's nothing else you can do but love them. Once you fall in love you're in trouble because you've open up your heart, you let someone in and now you just hope for the best and try to protect the bound. Love is not a bad thing...It's the closest thing there is to magic, no one knows what it is poet like myself have tried to define love but it's not simple.

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2018-01-09T00:09:54+01:00

2018

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Janvier 2018 à 12:09 AM

hello,

I don't know where the time is going but it surely doesn't wait for anyone. So far this year has been full of surprises. I just hope that this year is better than 2017 because last year was the hardest and there was a lot of change and transitioning. I don't mind the change as long as it's good but deep down I still wish things were great and that I didn't need to change anything. Life is unexpected and one can only hope. we don't know what the future holds which is why we are constantly looking for ways to make things better because we cannot see that things will fall into place and be exactly the way that the are suppose to be. We just want what's great and what's good forgetting that what's bad is what shape us. The good times are just a bonus, we do need the good times to be happy and to keep going but we need the bad times to learn and to become better human beings. I am not going to sit here and type that I am looking forward for the bad times,no one is and I hate when things don't work out. I hate starting over sometimes but I have to sometimes because that's how I move on. We all have our own ways and as the years flew by we learn what's best for us and what we really need.

despite all,

2017

It was the year that I grew the most, that year I learn to accept myself the way I was flaws and all. I learn to accept my natural hair I mean I used to love my hair but not enough to leave it the way it is which is thick and all natural. I used to perm it and wear braids all the time but living with two women who truly love their natural hair taught me how to fall in love with mine and I did. I felt great after I cut my hair so short that the old me would've hate it but the new me loved it so much that everyone else around me accepted it. I didn't cut my hair for them I did it for me as a new beginning and it was. I've learn to fall in love with my body flaws and all. I've learn to block out the negative comments about how small or petite that I was I simply love me for me. Even though I am still small I have no problem being that way because it's my body type and I learn not to change for anyone if there is any change to be made I will simply do it for myself. I've learn to embrace the music in my culture well that happened at the end of the year and I used to listen to any other music but the one from my country I used to think they were corny or whatever. By the end of the year I could see how much I've been missing out and so I started to find them so inspiring that instantly fell in love with the sound. I've learn to move one from any relationship that wasn't good for me. At the beginning of that year I was dreaming about someone and I wanted so much from that person but with time I realize that I was wasting my time so I walked away because I loved me more. It was a waste of my time and It did not work out I thought it was very promising only to realize that it was a dead end. I don't think that I wanted a relationship that time because I wanted to be single too. I wasn't ready for a relationship but I can't say what I would've done if the person wanted the same thing that I wanted. Still at the beginning of year I was over that person but I had respect for our connection but after I realize that It was a dead end I cut all ties and moved on completely and it was the best decision I ever made. I have learn to take on responsibilities and I started working on greater things that I have not before...

I only talked about the good things that happened to me that year because I am all about positivity and being optimistic I want to focus on the good things. I am grateful for everything and I am happy to share some things with you.

hope y'all had a good day !!

bye for now.

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2018-01-06T05:14:56+01:00

Tired.

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Janvier 2018 à 05:14 AM

man I need to seriously breathe I took on too many things at once.

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2018-01-06T05:10:16+01:00

A misunderstanding.

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Janvier 2018 à 05:10 AM

what I hate...

I mean let say I had a guy friend and we were really close to the point where we were in sync together, nah we were not dating. I never wanted to date him but he wanted to date me. Maybe I let him believe that we could date just for a while which was my mistake but then I set the record straight and I told him we can never date... I cut everything because I'm not trying to make things complicated. I hate drama and awkward situation. It got awkward and I wanted everything to stop. so I stop talking to him even though I miss the friendship but to save it I need to leave him alone so he can move on from me. Now If I did all this and after a while I come back when he now has a girlfriend and I knew for a fact that he can never fall for me again. well I said never but I;m really hoping that he doesn't fall for me and that we can go back to being friends. Just because I'm trying to be cool with him why the hell must he think I wanna seduce him when I could've just have him in the first place? I still have not change my mind. I guess what I did was harsh cutting all ties like that but I had to do it because I didn't wanna break his heart.

I would hate to break someone's heart which is why I am very straight forward and I let anyone that might be interested in me know the situation that I'm in if I'm taken, not looking for that right now or whatever at least I let you know that I am not available whatever the case may be. This guy that I am talking about really thought maybe I was being friendly because I wanted something from him. I don't want nothing. I am not that kind of girl, I don't steal people's man. Mine is right here waiting for me why would I steal ? I want that guy to know that all I wanted was to be friends. I guess I am naive and possibly innocent to all this to even believe we could remain friends. My bad. I just keep on learning and I don't mind it because I am only getting older and I know for sure those types of mistakes I will only make them once.

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2018-01-06T04:53:51+01:00

present day.

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Janvier 2018 à 04:53 AM

skin glowing, always smiling.

I am happy.

I am looking in the mirror and I love the girl that's staring back at me.

I thought I've lost her.

I thought she was gone in the midst of the tragedy.

She was still here locked in and ready to be seen again.

She doesn't mind that her hair is looking a mess.

she doesn't mind that her shoes are untie.

She doesn't care what she sounds like laughing anymore.

It's all coming back to her.

The way she use to care bout what she looked like doesn't bother her anymore.

As she stop caring she has started looking more like herself and even more beautiful.

she's running because she has no time to wait.

She is no longer waiting...

she goes for what she wants and she leave what she doesn't want.

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2018-01-05T01:11:55+01:00

judging.

Publié par Gaelle.R 5 Janvier 2018 à 01:11 AM

hey there !

I haven't discuss anything for a while now and so I was like I am housebound from this snowstorm why not come see my faithful readers. I live in New England so the weather is really bad right now.

judging?

Have you ever been judged?

well I have and I guess people's reason for judging me is that I am quiet so they don't know what's going on in my head or behind those humongous eyes (lol). My eyes are normal okay. some people judge me because they don't know me. I am calm and serious a little bit mysterious and I guess that's why people sometimes expect the worse from me. I can't really change it's my personality, I was born like this and I will not change for anyone other than myself. I mean for whatever reason that you're judging me I doubt that It's something I said that gave it away. I am well aware that I say some pretty dumb stuff a lot of times. My jokes may be inappropriate well not literally maybe you heard something a way that I didn't mean to. The English language is a very dirty language lol.

maybe you've been judged because of the way you dress, talk or just for nothing. Truth is someone is always going to judge you because that's what they do. Maybe they feel threaten by you or they just can't handle you so they say things that aren't even there.

chin up. forget about them be proud of yourself because baby you got something they don't have.

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2018-01-01T16:45:00+01:00

currently.

Publié par Gaelle.R 1 Janvier 2018 à 04:45 PM

Life is not easy and I say that everyday. when you can't get what you want when you want it. When you feel like the world is coming down on you. Lately I have been feeling down but enough for me to get back up. I am not sad I am just disappointed and I feel like some things could have been better but they are not. I don't wanna give up I know this fight will mean something. I know that some day I will make it I will keep fighting to become the writer that I know that I can be. I want to publish something I want to be known for my writing. I have so many things in my mind and I feel like some things are out of my control yet I keep on reaching because I would hate to sit and not fight. I have been slacking and I feel like I should have been further with my accomplishment. I have accomplish some things and I am proud of them. I am a poet, an author and sadly a dreamer... I hope all of this makes sense to me as I read them again because I am feeling down and I think that I forgot who I am. Maybe when I read this again I will remember. There is no one else to blame when you're feeling down just because someone said something or did something you're the one who let it bother you. You could act like nothing happen but because we're humans and we have feelings so we get hurt in some ways. We may lose ourselves and we may forget who we are. In my case because I am harder on myself than I am with anyone else so it feels like the world is ending. When I look back and I see all of the things that happen and that's when I feel the way I feel today. I need to know that it is in the past and what's done is done and I need to move on. I can't stop here I have too much to offer, I should keep on going.

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2017-12-31T12:55:54+01:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 31 Décembre 2017 à 12:55 PM

I felt that Void,

I try to look away but my eyes wouldn't let me.

Instead I stood there looking at you.

The view was pleasant but my thoughts were telling me I was doing something wrong.

I could not stop looking.

I knew it would cost me a full night of sleep.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep that night.

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2017-12-19T05:20:02+01:00

It's not you It's me

Publié par Gaelle.R 19 Décembre 2017 à 05:20 AM

Hey there !

It's been a while since I have been gone. I have been neglecting some of my faithful readers, I am sorry guys I have been so busy with my birthday preparation. I am a perfectionist to the point where I want everything to go exactly exactly how I plan it. It's hard because you don't always get what you want but I work hard to get what I want because I hate being disappointed and I hate to think that I could've tried harder. I love to work hard as much as I can. Enough about me and my work ethics let's talk about something more serious.

have you heard "it's not you it's me" maybe someone said that to you or maybe you said it to someone. sometimes you may even think that it's not the person but it's you. You may be thinking that it's not his fault that it can't work out and that it is your fault that you are not able to fall in love with him. Truth is it's no one fault that you can't fall in love with someone. It simply means that this person is not the one for you, don't even think that It's your fault that someone hasn't fallen in love with you because everyone has their own size you just haven't find yours. when you do (smile) you will be so happy, that person will be the one you would never imagine. That person will fulfill your need because that human being is "your size"

It's true that I am more open to the idea of love. I believe anyone can find it ... Maybe I have been bitter in the past. Who hasn't? I am learning and I am happy for all of the things that I have learn. My last poem was about unrequited love some of you may wonder what's going on in my world. well to be honest nothing hurtful, I am not going through what I wrote in my poem right now but I did at some point. It's been a while and I learn from it. I am not going to hide the pain and the hurt that I felt when I was going through it. I couldn't talk about it with anyone simply because I thought no one would understand but it was my mistake to think that because a lot of people were there at the time I just couldn't reach out and so I hold it in and explode to the point where some part of me broke. I have found myself back and I am no longer hurting like I said in my poem... we all take a few hits it's how we learn from them that matters. I mean I am about to be 21 on sunday omg !! I am so excited....

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