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2016-07-14T14:45:30+02:00

love actually

Publié par Gaelle.R

 

Nowadays it is hard to find love and for a nice girl to be taken seriously she would have to give up something. And so she thought. We are blinded by the fact that someone can actually find the love that he or she deserves. Throughout my life i am sad to say that i have not met a boy who is willing to love a girl without getting anything in return. These boys will do anything to prove to their friends how based on their term “they got the juice” and us girls we are supposed to play along by giving in. If we decide to hold back by not engaging in anything that would break what we value the most then we are called “stuck up” and the girl who cannot have fun. So many girls have gone down the road of no return by leading a life like the boys. We try to have many relationship at a time saying that we do not care and we can act like the boys but at the end of the day we are found curled up on our beds crying. We were not made to be like the boys. They can say to a girl that they love her just to gain something but us girls we can try but we will regret it someday. We have so much to lose. I met some nice girls who turned  out to be different after their first relationship and who’s fault is that? You can say that it is our fault for being so gullible and for giving them what they want. In 2016 a new term came out “the fuckboys” the type of guy who will promise you anything to have sex with you. They will talk about what they’ve done to that girl and laugh it off with their friends who in the end call her a slut. Not knowing she was intentionally giving away a part of her to a guy no a boy who she thought she loved. All i see these days are boys, i do not see any men who deserve a nice girl. There might still be nice guys but some girls have ruin it for some. When you were born, you were so innocent and you did not know how much the real world hurts and how much pain you will have to go through before you learn. Which brings me to those girls they are calling a “hoe” these terms are a disgrace to our next generation. What do you tell a 10 years old girl when she ask what does a hoe mean? But that is what it all comes down to. Do you tell her it is someone who have sex with a lot of people?  No one was born with the intention of hurting other people or of taking advantage of others. Sadly but true our upbringing can shape who we will become. For those girls who will give up their body to feel loved they were not born this way. They want to feel loved and somehow they were thought that to feel loved there is a price to pay and so they keep it in mind. Now their body is their price.  Perhaps they have a nice family, big house, enormous family but do they feel love do you know how lonely she feels at times? But she does not know that love does not have a price. She is willing to do the most repellent thing to make herself loved. That boy she is with is just taking advantage of her asking her for more and in the end he end up leaving her on the sidewalk in the cold. She just wanted to be loved and she thought it was special with him. Now she is broken asking what did she do to deserve this...in my opinion she done nothing and that is the problem. I admit not everyone is strong enough to stay alone waiting for the right one at the right time when everyone else seems happy and having “the perfect relationship” but all she had to was loving herself enough to know that she does not have to settle for less than she deserves. In the beginning of the relationship with that former boy somewhere inside she might have known how foolish she would have to be to get what she wants but she went for it anyway. Sometimes she even think that he will change and that there is something good in him that he does not know about. When you see her crying and you knew from the beginning what was going to happen and somehow manage to tell her the outcomes but of course she did not listen to you. What do you do ? do you tell her i told you so? Before you answer think about what you would have done if you were in her shoes. Would you have told her she is stupid for playing along or would you be compassionate. I do not have many friends and i am not ashamed to say that i am happier that way but let say if one of my 2 to 3 friends had something like that happened to them...here’s what i would do. Before i talk to her i would offer her my shoulder to cry on and i would softly stroke her hair because trust me there is nothing more comforting than to hold a girl while she is crying(it makes her feel safe) I would have to mean it because that will only ruin the moment. I will tell her to stop crying and that she just learn something about life. I'll say You cannot trust everyone little girl ! which will make her laugh because i am the little one between my friends...no time to joke. I would tell her he did not deserve her if he was not able to see what i see then he is blind. I will tell her how amazing she is i would give her an example to back me up. I will tell her that one day she will find the right one who will stay by her side and will hold her like i am holding her at the moment. But she needs to take some time off of the dating market. She needs to date herself now by learning about herself, accepting herself and by living life as it is without waiting for anything from anyone. She needs to learn how to be alone and to see for herself the positive things about herself. If she cannot see how wonderful she is no one else will make her believe it. She needs to love herself before she allows anyone else to love her. Many girls actually believe that no guy will love them if they do not try to get close to them by having sex forgetting that sex is not the closest feeling there is in a relationship it can also breaks them apart. Some will agree that sex is the best thing they have with their significant other. What about quality time? Does it always have to mean undressing the other to have a good time? Why can we just talk no boy ever says that. If you are a girl and you hear that from a “boy” then he is not a boy because honey you have found yourself a man. If he does not require sex as the only thing fun in the relationship then he loves you. Guys i know these days will not waste time to hit it as soon as possible which makes them fuckboys. It is a very popular term this year and sadly it applies to a lot of boys in high school, college. Now you may be wondering where will i find the right one? Well actually it is nowhere because the right one finds you and you do not have to look for them because they are right there in front of you. It is not easy to be a girl and on top of it to have a strong opinion about your beliefs. Girls are not been taking seriously for most we are just a piece of ass and pair of boobs. No one really care that we may have an opinion when we have a pretty face or blond. May i remind you that blonds are not necessarily dumb ! and all black girls who have a big butt is not necessarily a stripper or a hoe. You do not really know someone unless you have long conversations with them to figure out where they might fit in this wagon we call society. Sometimes you might think you know someone but in the end they turned out to be a complete different person than who they appeared to be.


From a girl speaking her mind.

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2016-07-11T02:22:18+02:00

Me myself and I

Publié par Gaelle.R

There are some things that you need to do alone. Like getting a hold of your life. No one else can tell you how to live it. You should prepare yourself and learn how. You will make mistakes. You will have to choose. You will be hated...despite it all you will need to know where you stand in all of this. I am probably the last person to tell you about life or how to live it and it's not what i came here to do. So far my life has been real. I got love in my heart and hate for no reason. I put  my emotions on hold  keep going because i need to and you do too. Some people say i'm strong and some say i'm weak. But i know where i stand and i know who to believe and i know who to avoid. I know some things, i don't know everything. I act like a child sometimes doesn't mean i am not an adult. I got issues, problems by the fact we all do. At the end of the day it's us and our own demons. What do you do with them? do you give in? do you tell them to leave you alone? me i just came here or i get a piece of paper when it gets too personal and i need to write some names down because I need to. Being a writer i learn some people will recognize my gift while others will doubt my potential to bring me down. Some people will hate for no reason and i need to know not to take it personal. I am still learning. You cannot let them take over. For a reason or another...at the end of the day everything seems to play again in our mind.

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2016-07-08T05:51:13+02:00

used to

Publié par Gaelle.R

I would put my head down

cry and hold it in for a while... but not anymore . I changed i have came to love who i have become despite all of my flaws some might say that i'm blinded for not seeing how many mistakes i have made so far well i'm just going to tell them that i'm only getting started and i am still learning. I don't want to grow old. I want to grow as a child, as a bird that left its feather behind in the nest. I am free and i will be...i like the way the morning sound. The way the train moves me toward the day to a fresh start as the coffee brew... i don't even like coffee but when i feel happy everything taste good so now coffee is my cup of tea.  I no longer cry and i wish for fewer things because i'm already getting what i want only me can stop ME. i hit the gas and everything seems closer than it was before.

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2016-07-05T17:06:57+02:00

Fireworks

Publié par Gaelle.R

4th of July was amazing don't you think ? a lot of fireworks and people out there on the street. I was not out there but i was still able to see the fireworks...one of days when staying in feels great even though there's magical fireworks everywhere what matters most made me stay in. When you're looking at the fireworks don't tell me you don't feel something. It's just so beautiful and the colors are able to revive something in you it's not an everyday thing the way you feel is different from what you feel normally. I'll say life is better with fireworks but if we do it everyday then it wouldn't be that special when we do it on special occasions. for me i wouldn't mind doing it super often.

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2016-07-03T00:36:57+02:00

fake friend

Publié par Gaelle.R

I talked about a few people here and some of them didn't deserved to be talked about... but i talked because here is my free zone. I don't want to hide. I have been doing that a whole lot and lately i don't want to do that anymore. Things are not so perfect right now. I am confused, lost despite all i am still happy. Let me share a story with you. I met a guy at work no not like that we've been friends ever since we first met. At least i thought we were friends. Do you know those kinds of people who are somewhat your friend, joke around with you. Sometimes the jokes get so serious and your feelings get hurt and if you are the type of person who get hurt fast then you will probably will not like someone that's messing around with your feelings like it didn't matter. I believe that he is one of the toxic people whom i wish i didn't meet. I don't hate him i just feel sorry for him. The reason why i feel sorry for him is because even though he hurts my feelings he didn't know what he was doing because he got so much pride to say sorry. I want an apology but i don't care anymore. He hurts my feelings multiple times and i would laugh it off. The thing is you don't have to do what i did. You can stop someone from hurting you before it gets out of hand. I waited too long to tell him to back off. He made me look like i was the one who did something wrong when in fact i didn't do anything wrong except protecting myself. I don't know what to do when someone is being a bully.

Answering back only backfire and i know because i have tried that.

ignoring them only makes some go on and on but some do stop

I cannot believe that some people have the guts to hurt you and look you in the eyes with pride and say you're the one who allow this to happen. He did not say it but the way he acted afterwards show me that he didn't care much. He didn't even try to talk to me about it. It was a test and he failed. He showed me that he wasn't really my friend, he doesn't really care about me or how i feel.

He claimed that he cared but really he doesn't. He showed me who he really is and that i shouldn't trust him. By the fact there are only a few people that i trust and i can count them with no hesitation.

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2016-06-26T13:43:58+02:00

From me to you.

Publié par Gaelle.R

This morning i want to share something with you all and i have thought about it before but i didn't know how to approach this in a way that i will not offend anyone. But then i guess this is my blog and if it really is then i can say what i want here as long as it reflects my true self because i don't want to seem differently than i am...

A few years back i met a boy, i was a lot younger, gullible and way nicer after this it shook my life it woke me up about how people can break someone heart maybe i became cold to love. But at first he was just a regular one... I was not in love at that age i didn't know what love was it was just a crush which i took to the extreme. That time i started to write and that's when i discover that i can use my emotions to create something on a paper. I went through a lot for a child well it wasn't like major or anything but the feeling was too much. I was new in town.  but when you're a kid anything new feels like something big and if  it goes wrong it feels like the end of the world. Now you realize it was not a big of a deal. so he and i talked which  i guess was partly my fault if it was a mess ...talking to a boy doesn't mean you have a crush on them or that you want to be more than friends well that's what i think but other people don't see it that way. They will try to create a whole different story which was not there in the first place. I know what you must be thinking oh if she's talking about a boy than she must be in love ! lol nope i don't want to be and like i said before i have too much in my life to deal with the drama that boys do bring. Right now i don't care about these stuff but they do have a lot to say ! they think i like them. One of them was like oh "i know you're in love with me" i was like NO ! some boys always think they can have any girls which is not true. Well for instance you can't have me. That's what i want to talk about. Boy listen i know you think you are not attractive you've said it yourself but here's a piece of advice. Lose your pride...thinking you have a lot of girls after you...telling me that is suppose to make me want you to ? or is it that you think i want you? LOL you are something else you know that. Like you don't i have anyone after me well i don't go around and say it because it doesn't do anything it will sound like i'm bragging which i hate and i hate people who does that. I know how it feels to be the girl on the sideline confuse asking is it me? well it was a few years back and i didn't know what i know now. If i knew i would be who i am today there are a few things i wouldn't have to try back then and i am growing which means i am only getting better with age. when people (other girls) discover who you really are (in a relationship) like i picked up from the very beginning withouth going in they will toss you in the trash can. I don't care what you think about me or what you think you know about me and i never did care...to think that i found you deep is a different way to put it. you always think you can figure people out which makes me think of you lesser than the person i thought you were each time you open that big mouth of yours i feel sorry that i gave you the benefit of the doubt once. I give you the chance to prove me wrong and for a split of second you had me believing just maybe you were different than who i thougth you were

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2016-06-25T04:37:04+02:00

what I learn today

Publié par Gaelle.R

People can bring out the worse out of you it's up to you to be different than who they think you are. You are not ought to be the person someone wants you to be. Just because they say you don't know what you are doing does not mean that you are...You are ought to be who you want. You can choose what you want to do. Don't follow your emotions and make a bad decision. Life doesn't go the right way when you act on a simple emotion or feeling. Calm yourself down and think about where you went wrong. And find a way to do it better next time. I admit that when i'm mad i am not thinking this wisely... i want to break things, scream, run but i just stand there quietly thinking about all the worse possible things in the world. One thing that can really calm me down is this...writing. I can't do anything else but write.

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2016-06-21T22:42:55+02:00

faded

Publié par Gaelle.R

I met you a while ago...it was nice to meet you but along the way something just didn't feel the way. You would say some things and i would no longer agree or feel the same way and so i took my distance discreetly without you even noticing and so i thought until you started to ask me questions and being all suspicious. I didn't know what to say and so i never told you that i thought we were two different people and that i don't think we will ever come to an agreement. Instead i nodded and said i will find some time to spend with you so we can talk more. I acted like i knew what i was doing and you thought that you've made a fool out of me. But i knew who you were from the beginning i was just giving you the benefit of the doubt. You thought i was absorbing everything you say which shows how little you know me even though you claim that you know me more than i know myself. It was nice in the beginning that i can admit but you turn out to be the stranger i thought you would choose not to be and i took my space. I left you there with your own words, own mind. You didn't know what to say i could tell. I know that you thought you had me on the palm of your hand but you realized that you were totally wrong. That must've hurt didn't it? Well one thing i have to say to you is that don't ever think you know someone more than they let on maybe that's exactly what they want you to know. Poor you thought you knew everything.

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2016-06-21T22:21:50+02:00

Now and then

Publié par Gaelle.R

Last year at this time everything was different... I did not have much hope then. I missed a flight in NY and i was desperate to get home I had to wait on stand by. The only thing that i have learned and that i want to share with you is that you have to learn to wait and that it is extremely important to wait.Then i hated waiting I still do but less...I have been through so much that waiting felt like an eternity and that's why i came to hate it. We all have to go through things to live the real life...having things easy is not living. You have to cry, ask why learn to become a better person. It doesn't come easily. Nothing comes easy if it does well you need to wonder why. I thought that life was different when i grew up but i still have to fight not to see it the same way. Did you know that you have to fight yourself not be a child because it is so easy to stay home and pretend that your parents will take care of things. But as you aged you are the one taking care of your parents and you are the one that some little kids look up to so then now you will have to live to that expectation. I love kids even though i don't seem like the type... i won't tell you why i said that because i do not want to tell you much about me. Before i go on with my life off this blog i want you to know that this is not a secret and maybe someday someone that doesn't have good intention will discover this but i do not care. Everything i said here well i want you to know that i thought about them through and that it poses no threat to me. It is a nice day today which is the second day of summer. I am excited aren't you not? well you should be. Some people have so many things to say and sometimes i feel like i should care but i really don't. Some people are saying about how i changed which is not surprising as i am clearly growing up. Childish things are no longer my priority by the way have i ever been a child? I just cannot remember because i always thought like a grown person and sometimes people would stop and look at me weird. I know that i might be weird. But being a writer has its perks for example drifting off when you should be paying attention, Having little to say not fighting the right word to say when you have a whole chapter written in you head. Writers are not the happiest, we have to feel things. I feel things even the little ones that i can just brush off....i just keep thinking that i am a character and that i have a role to play...i try to wake up shake my head off and tried to think everything through before i make a mistake of not participating. Sometimes i want to dip my toes in the sand, get a little taste but i do not know how. My head is full of stories, memories, pictures, faces that i cannot recall with my eyes open. I have to dream or my life won't make since. I am drunk on words and stories from the past that staying sober in real life is almost impossible but somehow i  have been acting like the perfect character the goody two shoes never miss a beat. I have missed out on so many things because i was off to another place i missed out on the reality in exchange i got a good story one that i will tell someday.

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2016-06-18T04:31:18+02:00

what life is about..

Publié par Gaelle.R

Life is not about problems and being serious...it's mostly about laughing, having fun but not too much so u won't forget about your responsibilities. You need to have a purpose in life not only partying and stuff but you know things to keep you grounded. But really life is about embracing yourself and feeling good in yourself. You need to realize your potential and know that you are special if you don't see that then no one else will even if they do what's the point if you don't see it yourself? you need to know that you are good just the way you are. You don't need to be any thicker, smaller, taller just embrace yourself. There is no crime in wanting to change yourself but don't get carried away and obsessing about it. 

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