No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2025-10-10T15:10:58+02:00

Meet joe Black

Publié par Gaelle.R 10 Octobre 2025 à 03:10 PM

Last night I watched that movie and by the end of it I was balling my eyes out. I just remembered my dad and how he was during his final days. I last saw my dad in november and he was gone the month of january. When I last saw him he was frail, he looked like he was ready to go...but I didn't think he would leave me in less than 3 months. I thought I had more time, I wanted to believe that he was going to be okay.

I was worried but I had convince myself that we had more time together, then life got in the way and I got busy until that tuesday morning I received that phone call telling me he was gone. I didn't have time to process anything, I was in complete shock.

see my dad and I we are very similar in the sense when something is very wrong we hide it and we try to show that we are strong so that no one would suspect anything. Then on a random day when it blows up in our face everyone is shocked because they didn't know we were going through so much! we hide our pain very well behind a reassuring smile but if you look closely those sad eyes give us away. I miss you sooo much Dad I wish we had more time, I wish I got one final conversation like Susan did with her dad in the movie..

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2025-10-09T17:57:07+02:00

gym talk

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Octobre 2025 à 05:57 PM

I used to love leg day and recently I found out why! I mean I don't hate it but I am not excited anymore because truth is if you love leg day you're either not lifting heavy or you a masochist and you love being in pain..I don't like pain and I am lifting heavier now. so now leg day is not fun and daisy! it's pure torture and I need 24 hours to recover fully!
I love training my upper body! I am seeing some muscles up there! I never only train my lower body but now I have a really good system in place where my top half is balanced with the bottom half of my body
I am obsessed ! no I can't skip a day because I need to train legs 3 days and I need to train upper body 3 days and the days that I picked allowed me to rest each portion of my body adequetly. So no I have to work out which is why I do it at 5 am because I hate to skip.

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2025-10-09T15:43:02+02:00

facts about me

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Octobre 2025 à 03:43 PM

I’m a very calm and mellow person, if you shout at me chances are I am not listening and that conversation is done. Trust me you won’t get the chance to shout at me again, I’ll just simply remove myself and stop talking to you.
I don’t do revenge but if you hurt me in any way you are dead to me. You can walk past me and I would look straight ahead without even seeing you. It’s not intentional and most of the time I don’t know when I do it unless someone points that out. It’s as if your file is deleted from my brain and my software cannot recognize you. I may sit next to you, smile at you but it’s all mechanical and you’ll feel the disconnect. I am only doing it to be polite but we’re done.
saying you love me doesn't mean anything to me just like anything physical doesn't mean anything to me. I love physical touch but it's not the way to my heart. I need something tangible to show me that you care about me or that you love me, if you do nothing for me I will never take you serious. No matter how many times you kiss me or touch me if you don't show up for me in anyway possible you are not someone I would want to date. If I still talk to you after you do nothing for me believe me when I tell you "I want nothing from you" most men think I say that to save face but I genuinely do not care! You did nothing for me what made you think I want you as my man? chances are I tested you multiple times without you knowing. I gave you chances to show up for me and you never did, I will call you when I have an emergency and if you don't show up then your file is being updated. Trust me there is a reason why I am single, I will never be with a man who doesn't show up for me because I might as well be single. what do I need you for if I do everything myself? for your body? okay that can be a reason but I don't expect anything else. I have a dismissive attachment and I have been hurt way too many times...I don't know how to fully attach properly or even let someone love me...I am always running away. I am working on that
I like being alone way more than being surrounded by people except during the holidays... I get really depressed during christmas times. I don't celebrate christmas but because I am home and everyone is with their family or on vacation. I get really sad but after that I am fine being alone, if anything I prefer it.

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2025-10-09T15:29:26+02:00

NO RESPONSE IS A RESPONSE

Publié par Gaelle.R 9 Octobre 2025 à 03:29 PM

Recently I learned something: NOT EVERYONE DESERVE AN ANSWER.

Now I just smile and move on, if it's through text I leave it on read or just simply like the message. Some people want a reaction and I have nothing left in me to give.

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2025-10-08T21:33:22+02:00

denying oneself

Publié par Gaelle.R 8 Octobre 2025 à 09:33 PM

Denying who you are as a person will not make you a better person nor will you be someone else just because you believe you are someone else.

I used to struggle with accepting who I am as a person, I am still struggling with that! but I am way better at accepting my flaws now.At times I want to be this cool outgoing fun girl and I can be that on a rare occasion or if I am comfortable with my surrounding but normally I am a calm, introverted, mellow person and there's nothing wrong with that! for so long I have fought the allegation that I am an introvert! I always wanted to be seen as an ambivert but I have come to love who I am as a person and not just what some scientific test says I am. Who cares if I am quiet? who cares if I am loud? who cares if I am shy? and who cares if I am not shy? literally no one cares... So I can just be who I am and let myself be free of being put in a box. I don't care how people view me anymore as long as I am okay with the person in the mirror then that's all that matters.

I am really hard on myself, I don't take failure lightly. I see failure as incompetency well yes but not just in one particular area but in all aspect of my life when really I could fail at one thing but succeed at another but I am so competitive internally that I hate not succeeding all my goals. Thank God I am not outwardly competitive meaning I wouldn't fight someone or argue my way into winning because I would be annoying. I don't care who wins...I will cheer for you and celebrate your accomplishment but personally I love to succeed I mean who wouldn't?

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2025-10-08T21:21:49+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 8 Octobre 2025 à 09:21 PM

my favorite thing to do :

I am introverted so I enjoy my alone time so most of these will be things I do alone.

being snuggle up on the couch with either Archie or Pixie next to me (for some reason Archie is extremely jealous and possessive he doesn't like it when Pixie is around when he's spending time with me) and I am reading an amazing book to the point where I am being transported into another realm! and I have rain sounds playing on my Alexa.
a rainy day but I am home on the couch after I just finish cleaning so the air is nice and fresh... I am laying down with a nice chamomile tea or peppermint tea while watching a cute rom-com on my TV playing at low volume and I can hear the sound of the rain outside.
working out alone at the gym and I found a new playlist or a bunch of songs that I love and my workout is hitting! I mean I can feel every movement in the muscle group that I am working on ughhhh just perfect.
washing my hair in the dark, I do this most sundays with Sade music playing in the background oof her voice just does something to me...when I do this I feel like I am in another world. I usally let the water drench my whole body and just stay there for a while....

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2025-10-08T01:28:20+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 8 Octobre 2025 à 01:28 AM

Alright I am celebrating the fact that I just finished reading another book. I will only talk about it for the first 10 books that I read after that I won’t mention it. This is the second book I’ve read in less than 3 weeks and it was another 457 pages. I am reading a series of books so it’s just one after the other except I am not reading them in order but it doesn’t matter because each character is different, all the books are about different people so it’s fine. Except at the end all the characters come together and I get a glimpse of what their lives have been like throughout the series… I am so happy that I am finding my love for reading again!

in high school the library used to be my favorite place! I used to borrow 5 books a week and the limit was 3 books but because I read so fast the librarian didn’t care how many books I took! Sometimes I took a lot more if there was a long week end ahead and I could stay up all night reading. My love for books and reading stems from my childhood, I used to be a very quiet and shy kid. All I did was hide myself in my room and read all day. I was extremely introverted especially throughout my teenage years when I was going through puberty. We had this huge library room in the house that contained various books but I would always read the romantic novels. I would skip all the children books, scientific books and jump for the romance novels instead! But I would hide to read them because if my mom found out I was reading romance novels she would take them away. I would hide the book behind a children book and pretend I was reading that but instead I was reading un forbidden love stories! Some were extremely inappropriate and I don’t think I should have been reading those books as a child but I can’t go back! What’s done is done.

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2025-10-07T15:48:03+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 7 Octobre 2025 à 03:48 PM

"I didn’t understand why someone would bring a dog or cat into their home, treat it like their child, and love it for years when they knew that animal’s lifespan was so much shorter than their own. It was like they were asking for their heart to be broken. Now, I understand. It’s because the time they spent together was worth the heartbreak."

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2025-10-07T15:31:16+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 7 Octobre 2025 à 03:31 PM

I don't fall in love, the word love is too small to describe my feelings. It's as if my heart is begging to be loved and my mind fall into a perpetual motion of imaging the person's face, action, words over and over again. So no I don't fall in love, I fall into obsession. Yet I do nothing.

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2025-10-06T20:34:09+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 6 Octobre 2025 à 08:34 PM

-the people who need therapy aren't even in therapy but their victims are.

Don't be a master of destruction, check in with yourself. Go to therapy, get in touch with your feelings. Running away when you are mad is not healthy, running away when problems arise is also not a good solution. Learn proper ways to regulate your emotions and learn ways to communicate effectively with people. Start by going to therapy.

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