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2025-07-20T14:08:46+02:00
My advise for you today: be you, never dim your light to make someone else feel comfortable. The right people will love you. I know it’s cliché but I needed to see myself physically write. I overthink things and I take them personal but often times someone else’s treatment towards me has nothing to Do with me
2025-07-16T20:13:55+02:00
where is this kindness you speak of? where is this goodness you claim to be giving out for free to others? all you ever did was making me feel unlovable. I even wonder if I did something wrong to not deserve your kindness. I don't believe you're kind at all, you simply hide who you really are to the people you're benefiting from. I can read you like the back of my hand, I know you so well it scares me. I know exactly what you would do in each different situation, you don't have to lie to me about being kind.
2025-07-13T20:08:59+02:00
I think one thing I struggle with in some aspect of my life is how unrealistic some of my goals are. Because I am a perfectionist so just because one thing is not working or because I made a mistake that makes me do nothing! I can’t be an hypocrite, I can’t preach something I’m not doing I’d rather do nothing. The reality is none of us are perfect and we are all struggling, we all fall short but we have to keep going and that’s what I need to do. Sadly I’ll never be perfect
2025-07-09T16:27:02+02:00
I don't normally watch reality TV shows or watch any dating shows because my way of dating is completely different than how society view it. In dating I am very strict! I move intentionally, with love but with a lot of boundaries because I'll be damned if I let my heart get broken again. I am more lenient if I am casual and having fun with someone but for my man this an investment towards my future I have to make sure I do it right. No sneaky stuff.
let's get into the couples and what I learn from each one of them...
First episode the girls had to kiss each guy they are attracted to and pick the one who gave the best kiss or the one they feel more physically attracted to. But another girl can steal their man if the other girl kiss them after and that girl pick them... (a little confusing I know but this is a very freaked out show they are swapping spits every 5 seconds ugh... disgusting I could never kiss more than one person at once and I have to be attracted to a guy to kiss him if not ewwww)
First couple Bella and Nick
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Nick really likes Bella but at first Bella did not kiss Nick on the lips she kissed him on the cheek! which is what I would've done because I don't know that man for me to be kissing him. Bella has a lot of standards, she doesn't kiss anyone and doesn't touch any guy in a sexually suggestive ways. Nick feels Bella is too closed off because he wants more intimate interaction but Bella is not giving him any of that. He still think Bella is beautiful but he just wishes Bella could kiss him and cuddle him at night. ( she does none of that she just talks to Nick and try to get to know him more.) what I get from this: if a guy is rushing to get physical with you then he might only want one thing, he might be a player and he might have someone else that he loves more. You're just there for the physical stuff. I love that Bella did not give in, she wasn't ready so she did nothing. Never let a guy pressure you into doing anything
Taylor and Olandria
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Olandria wants a cowboy and Taylor walked in with a cowboy hat, immediately she was attracted to him. Olandria is a beautiful black woman but Taylor doesn't move at a fast pace but Olandria is okay with that because she says she's a slow burner as well. In my eyes their connections feels more like a friendship, Taylor doesn't kiss her or even cuddle her. he doesn't even stay close to her when they're sitting. olandria is very uptight and but she does let Taylor be himself but at times I can tell Olandria doesn't like the way Taylor do some things and at times I can see Taylor doesn't like the way Olandria do certain things. Taylor told Ace another guy on the villa that he's not attracted to Olandria physically but Ace advise him to keep trying. In my opinion if you're not attracted to your partner than there's not much there! physical attraction is the first thing then comes emotional connection... what I get from this is if a guy is moving slow, doesn't show affection then he's not the one.
Huda and Jeremiah
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oh boy this might take a while…
I have learned a lot with this couple, they became close very fast I mean the moment they first kissed they focused on each other. They talked to no one else, they became exclusive without saying it. They were very intimate with each other very fast, they didn't even ask each other too many questions. Huda is a mother but Jeremiah still doesn't know even after they had sex! she told him after 4 days I think. As soon as Jeremiah finds out Huda is a mother he began acting a little different but he still tries to keep things the same way they were, he did tell her that the fact that she had a kid doesn't change how he feels about her but his first initial reaction tell it all! he was in disbelief... he acted as if someone asked you a ride to the airport. Huda begin nit picking every thing Jeremiah does, she would even say things like " finish your plate" Jeremiah said Huda treated him like he was a kid and she's the mother. Jeremiah would try to make Huda happy but she would get upset and tell the other people that Jeremiah is love bombing her. Unpopular opinion but I don't think Jeremiah loved bombed Huda she was coming strong as well she's the one who initiated everything but Jeremiah was attracted to Huda so of course he's not going to say no. every time someone new comes in and those girls would kiss Jeremiah in a challenge Huda would get really mad because she doesn't want anyone else touching Jeremiah (in the real world that would be fine but on love island everyone explore each other) but the rule in the island is if you're not closed off which means you are open to exploring other people then you are allowed to talked, kiss anyone else you want. We're one week in and we have 7 weeks to go and Huda wants Jeremiah to herself. He doesn't want to close things off and she gets upset and asked him" are you waiting for someone better to come along" he was over it at that point. I was getting second hand embarrassment through the screen every time Huda would acted out because she was very insecure, possessive, jealous and she always has be in control. She doesn't listen, she doesn't let Jeremiah expresses himself, doesn't take accountability, cries every time someone bring up something to her attention that she has to work on and uses that as an attack ! Gosh the girl is insufferable. They begin calling her hurricane Huda. Jeremiah is a very soft spoken guy, he hates conflict he doesn't like to argue at all and Huda has to get the last word in. Both together was a total disaster! so America voted to separate Huda and Jeremiah and put Jeremiah in a couple with someone else! Huda was soooo mad she called Jeremiah a Btch!! She would scream at him berate him.
What I learn: if the relationship is fast and you get intimate quickly it's all a recipe for disaster. You become blinded by intimacy and sex before you even get to know the person fully. If your partner is very jealous and controlling to the point they have to tell you who you can and not talk to then my dude that's a red flag! if someone is calling you out of your name that's disrespectful you need to check them or leave the relationship while you can. Ask questions before you get physical, listen your man. Let him tell you what's wrong don't just assume. Don't control him he is not your child and you don't own him. Stop being defensive learn to take good criticism and work on yourself because we are not perfect and we all have some things to work on it is not the end of the world.
2025-07-02T20:16:14+02:00
one thing I would tell both myself and someone who just started their fitness journey is to never compare your body to someone else. What you're able to achieve in 6 months someone else might be able to achieve it in 3 months. It doesn't mean that you are not working as hard! your body is not the same as theirs and that doesn't mean you don't have a nice body either. Some people naturally have an athletic build and genetics come into play when it comes to curves and muscle mass. Be glad you're able to move your body and have a routine because that in itself is amazing!!! please celebrate your progress whether big or small.
You are automatically more appealing to me if you work out because that shows discipline and dedication, very few people have those qualities most people let motivation drive them but the fact that you show up to the gym for your work out speaks volume. Never let anyone criticize your journey because they will, some might say " you've been working out for so long where's your abs" show them your quads, you leg muscles, you back muscles baby... being fit is not all about abs . Some athletes don't even have abs! they're fit but they don't have visible abs yet they do have abdominal muscles and great core muscles, very few people have great core muscles. Don't let anyone's actions or words tear you down. Keep working out, keep doing your meal plan because consistency is key in 3 years you will be unrecognizable. Don't work out to look good for an event or by a set date just look at the longevity, have fun with your work outs.
2025-07-02T19:46:04+02:00
I always preach about how a man should be chasing the woman he wants but there comes to a point he has to stop chasing and the girl will need to do something to reciprocate his effort. The same way a girl has to know her worth and walk away is the same way a man also has to know his worth and stop chasing. I am not a feminist, the same I am hurt when a man play with my emotions and feelings I can understand that a man can go through the same thing if not worse.
Men aren't made of steel, they break when you push them past their limits, they can get hurt and get their heart broken. We hold men at high standards but they can also be emotional as well. I grew up with guys, I had 2 male best friends I know guys go through things quietly because they're afraid of seen as weak. Most men were told to toughing up, to men up, to not cry or complain but personally I can't date someone who's not vulnerable with me. you have to be able to express how you're feeling in other for me to comprehend what's happening.
2025-07-02T14:18:18+02:00
Honestly I am not a morning person, it takes me at least 3 hours after I get out of bed to be fully awake and ready to socialize. When I go to te gym early in the morning I feel a lot better, at first it was hard because I was really sleepy. I usually wake up at 4:30am to try to make it to the gym by 5am because I have to be at work by 7:45am. It was tough! I am not going to lie to you but you know what motivated me? knowing that the afternoon is so crowded and I need a smith machine when I get there so I would much rather wake up early and get my work out at the way so that I can enjoy my afternoon in peace. In the afternoon I have my downtime to unwind, nap and watch my shows. I love going to the gym early but I have a few days I go in the afternoon because I like to mix things up and each time of day is a different crowd lol. Discipline is what truly drives me to wake up at 4:30am and get ready for the gym because you all know how much I love to sleep in! I never thought in a million years I would be doing this.
2025-07-01T20:03:13+02:00
currently I have nothing but before I used to be scared telling people that I wasn't well mentally because I always thought they would think that I am weak. When I used to be depressed I used to hide it because I thought it was way too personal but now I see it as being courageous to seek help. Now, I feel brave when I tell someone I am not okay and that i am breaking on the inside. Pain is supposed to be felt the same way happiness is supposed to be felt; one cannot exist without the other you needed to be sad in other to know what happiness is.
when I was either 5-6 years my friend's mother passed away, we used to play together and he told me he found his mother dead in her sleep. I was traumatized when he told me to the point where I would wake up in the middle of the night for a very long time to check if my mom was breathing. I was always on edge, I always thought she would leave me. I am 100% sur that's where my abandonment issue started, my mom was always there for me and I never lacked any affection and love if anything I was very spoiled. I never lacked attention either but seeing how my friend struggled without his mom made me scared that I would lose my sweet mother. As an empath other people's pain traveled through me more than they realize, which is why I don't listen to the news or follow any sad events... all of those things change my perspective on things and can trigger a depressive episode.
Not too long ago, someone called me on the phone and asked me why they haven't seen me much throughout the month of may at my hall, me and that person are both going through a tough time but he took his time to wonder about me. I felt truly cared for because the month of may was really busy and there were a lot of people that came to help for the campaign and for that one person to realize that they have not seen me made me cry... I truly felt cared for and even loved. He was so worried, I always assumed people don't care that much or forget about me because of how much I stayed away. I thought no one would notice that I wasn't there but I was wrong.
How much I want to be there for some people and to be present but my struggles are making it hard for me to be there or to be reliable as much as I would like to be. I feel like a bad person when I cannot keep my word. My future is uncertain and I am scared of it, I am going through so much all at once that at times I cannot be there for certain people.
It was last month about 2 weeks ago I cried because I missed my dad and that meant so much to me because for so long I felt numb! but to be able to feel some types of emotion regarding his passing made me feel like I am grieving properly instead of bottling everything in.
2025-06-30T03:31:01+02:00
Start speaking up, start saying how you feel. The worse that could happen is that person saying shut up and then you will know that this person doesn’t care. Holding your feelings in just to protect someone else never actually work because you will never know how they truly feel if you’re not honest with your own emotions.
2025-06-30T03:29:57+02:00
Update:
I hate WhatsApp. I haven’t used it unless I’m calling my mom. I hate posting stories. I hate interacting with strangers online. I just like my space. The older I get the more I hate posting online.
Month of may was the worst month, I was stressed but happy at times. It was a lot of emotions. My mom got really sick almost lost her leg, I was a wreck… crying a lot. Felt alone… but I made new friends. I hate bottling everything in and acting like everything is okay when I know it’s not. I am just happy to be alive also thankful that I have my mom. Thank you Jehovah.
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