No bread will ever be baked from this dough

2025-08-31T18:03:20+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 31 Août 2025 à 06:03 PM

What I did to heal my abandonment issues:

I am still on my healing journey and I’ll probably be healing for as long as live. I am more aware of my toxic patterns because of the work that I am doing, and I can see what needs to change in order for me to live a much better life.

At first I looked at it this way, I know for a fact that my abandonment issues stemmed from my dad not being constant in my life and I knew I needed a male figure in my life to heal that trauma. So I got a male therapist because I wanted to be comfortable with men to be able to be vulnerable to at least one man. I tried being vulnerable but he wasn’t the right therapist for me at all. If anything I didn’t like the way he was staring at me during my sessions, it felt like flirting and some comments he made did not help me at all. After that last therapist I stopped looking on the outside to heal that part of myself . I even had a male primary care doctor then again that doctor was completely out of line! There’s a pattern here and when I realize the more vulnerable I am to some men the more they want to prey on me I felt hopeless. So then I became this firm and strict person when I am talking to a man so then I looked like a brick wall.

I realize I needed to do a lot of work by taking accountability on my own. By being honest about my feelings, by acknowledging when I need to take a step back or when I need to allow someone in my life even if I am scared that they will also leave me. Journaling has helped me tremendously, I am on my second journal this year ! I filled one up in 6 months and it was a lot of pages of me just describing my feelings, thoughts, emotions and sorrows.

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2025-08-31T04:42:11+02:00

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Publié par Gaelle.R 31 Août 2025 à 04:42 AM

Weird things about me

I never want to go out: when I am going out to a function I am dreading it and I would much rather be home. But then I get there and I have so much fun, socialize and I may even be the life of the party. Then people are asking me to hang out again and I’m like “NO”
When I’m asking someone questions it may feel like a screening or a questionnaire: if it’s a guy he might think why is she asking me all these questions is she interested ? Half the time I’m not interested those questions are the pre requisite to being potentially part of my circle, answer one question wrong and you won’t get that opportunity lol.
When I am at a breaking point and I mean I am about to lose it. You will see me a lot! You will be like wow look at her stepping out more and socializing no baby that’s not normal for me, there is a loading crash out and after you see me a lot you probably won’t hear from me or see me for 6 months.
I be thinking I will make a great partner and I will give my man everything he wants. But in reality I am a real life cat lol I don’t like being touched all the time, I have lots of boundaries, I will love on him when I feel like it. That’s why if he already looks delicious it will make it easier for me to be affectionate, if I already don’t find him attractive ugh forget it. Don’t touch me, don’t breathe by the fact don’t even talk to me lol

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2025-08-29T20:02:58+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Août 2025 à 08:02 PM

reasons dating doesn't excite me as much anymore:

I am extremely loyal, when I like a guy I only see that 1 guy. I can't cheat because he's all I want. I don't want any other man calling my phone or texting me or even touching me. Nowadays men talk to a lot of girls while they're dating, I won't tell him not to do that more than once. Even one time is a deal breaker for me. If I am dating you and I see or hear you're trying to get to know another girl or getting cozy with another girl then boo I'll just leave you to proceed with whatever you got going on because I won't stand in the way of you finding the love of your life if it's not me because clearly you're not the love of my life.
I won't repeat myself, most girls talk a lot and are emotional. I am not, I am very rational and some man find that to be off putting. when I tell you what I don't like and you don't try to change it, I won't mention it again I will take some space away from you especially if that behavior bothers me a lot. I won't yell, cry, or even talk your ears off. I'll say I need some time to think about it and then I'll have one final conversation about it.
if you back off as a way to see if I will reach out then we simply won't talk again especially if we weren't that close and you never really put in any effort, if you used to call me daily and I felt how much you cared trust me I will call you and check up on you. If I do it and you answer me coldly, I won't ever do it again because baby what do I look like chasing after a man?
if you leave me on seen or ghost me. I will never text you again. You won't have to worry about me. I know when I am not wanted and I will not make a fuss I will leave quietly. I won't blow off your phone, stalk you, or text you, show up at your house... nah I am way too busy for that. I will cry in peace never in front of a man. I know my worth therefore I will not force anything.
if it's between me in another girl, I will stop talking to you because why is it even a question? I'll leave you to figure this out but without me.

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2025-08-29T14:51:58+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 29 Août 2025 à 02:51 PM

Some advise

If you have a problem with someone and all you do is post quotes on your story about the situation, respectfully leave me out of it. I don’t need to see it because I’m not the person in question the quote is meant for. It is childish behavior and so attention seeking to post a quote about a private situation that you obviously don’t want to talk about but we all can see you have a problem, we can see that you somehow want us to know that something is going on even if you don’t want to say exactly what’s going on. I don’t like attention seekers.
don't listen to people telling you what you want is not out there or that your dream is too big. For example I want to be physically attracted to the man that I date, people sometimes tells me oh so you're going to reject this guy because you don't find him cute? uh yes! why not? A guy wouldn't look twice at me or even come talk to me if he didn't find me attractive, why can't I have my own preference because I am a girl?. Respectfully if when I see my man I don't want to rip his clothes off then I don't want him as my man. When I look at him he has to feel the hunger, the need, the want and the desire for him to be in me 24/7 pause lol that got explicit....
if there's something about you that you don't like then change it. Don't dwell on it and feel bad because of it, if you don't like the way you look then change your closet, go to the gym. If there's something about your personality you don't like then take the time to work on yourself.

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2025-08-28T17:37:43+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 28 Août 2025 à 05:37 PM

fall is my favorite season!

I love drinking pumpkin spice chai latte at starbucks and it's back already. I love the yellow leaves, I love the color brown and just the air makes me so happy. I love the cold, wearing jackets, coats, sweatshirts, sweaters... that's the time for me to dress up and show my style.

During the summer I force myself to wear bright colors and flowery clothes but I don't really like them. I love dark colors, brown and black...I am a moody and mysterious person so dark colors suits me best :) oh and I also love wearing boots especially the ones with heels. I look so chic in the fall/winter this is my time to showcase my style and I do not play!

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2025-08-28T17:12:08+02:00

OCD ROUTINE

Publié par Gaelle.R 28 Août 2025 à 05:12 PM

When someone ask me what my daily routine is or what I am doing during the day I often decline to tell them exactly what I am doing, here's why.

If it's a complete stranger or someone I just met I will not tell them what I am doing each day because I am easy to stalk which is why I keep my routes hidden and my routine private. No one knows what I am doing at what time unless you're my mom, my best friend or a close friend because each day I repeat the same task. I have ocd with order I will always drive a certain way, do my laundry a certain way, clean a certain way, do my makeup and hair a certain way, park in one location, wash my hair on a specific day, work out at specific hours each day, work out each muscle on specific days of the week for example Thursdays will forever be the day I train my back, I sit in a particular section or way, work out a specific way and if I have to change any of those things I get distressed and I panic. Everything is planned out but there isn't much plan because I have the same routine which is why I don't like telling people what I am doing because if they pay attention they will know what I am doing and where I am at all times, I hate that. You may be wondering then why don't you just change your routine if you're scared? I wish I could but it's a medical condition and for the sake of my mental health I do not fight it.

I don't like when people follow me or know where I live...what gym I work out in or what places I go to. Unless I trust you I will never tell anyone I don't trust. I don't bring just anyone to my house, that's my world. I brought 7 people to my house and 5 of them are my family. I am very strict, I don't let just anyone in my life or in my world. So if I let you in yes you can feel special because I don't do that. I am a loner.

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2025-08-27T20:48:28+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 27 Août 2025 à 08:48 PM

Lifting heavy vs light weight but higher reps.

Honestly in the beginning I was lifting light because I just started lifting weights and I didn't want an injury, which made sense because I was prioritizing my form more than lifting an insane amount of weight. It was still impressive for a beginner not gonna lie, being in the gym made me realize how strong I am and how much I can push myself. It's all in the mind, your body can do way more than you think but you have to prepare your mind to be able to attain your full potential.

Your mind will tell you "nah you can't lift that weight", but then you try to lift it and your body says hell yeah you can! when I am lifting my mind gives up way before my body does, sometimes I keep going and I just block out the thoughts in mind telling me to stop because my body hasn't given up yet. One thing I hate when I do, is when I start lifting heavy which I am currently doing and then my luteal phase hit and I am weak because there's a drop in my estrogen; so I am force to go down more weight but when I feel strong again I don't go back to my heavy weight as soon as possible. Ugh I hate when I do that because the more I wait to lift heavy the harder it becomes to get back my momentum and to lift heavy again. I am now just starting to push myself wayyyy past what I thought I could handle and I am surprise to see how I am able to lift that much weight. Not going to lie I am still training my mind to squat way more weight than I am doing now because squats are my least favorite exercises. I will get there, I will keep increasing the weight and it will get easier the more I train.

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2025-08-27T18:59:23+02:00

Teacher bae

Publié par Gaelle.R 27 Août 2025 à 06:59 PM

There's this young teacher going viral at the moment for looking "too sexy" at school. She was wearing a skin tight skirt that highlighted her curves, from another video she was wearing a tight black skirt that was wayyy above the knee. My thing is if you're a teacher why do you have to put your curves on display around children? some people said well she can't leave her body at home, true. But she is not that big that she cannot find clothes that would cover her up.

She knows exactly what she's doing which is trying to be sexy and being known as "the hot teacher". If a man did this I promise you he would be fired. Imagine a man walking around with tight pants on that would have his ding dong print on full display! everyone would be appalled and they would call him a pedophile. But why are female teachers allowed to show their curves in tight skin clothes and show their cleavage around children? that is predatory! kids nowadays have a wild imagination, they have smartphones and they've seen a lot of things. If I send my kids to school especially if I have a son, I don't want him to be fantasizing about "a hot teacher" I want him to get an education. I don't like what that teacher is doing, this is predatory behavior and I hope the school distritcs are looking at that and make changes for the teacher's dress code.

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2025-08-27T14:58:47+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 27 Août 2025 à 02:58 PM

My 5am session at the gym this morning was amazing, although the guy who comes to open the gym at 5am was late 15 minutes which put a damper on my routine but my work out itself was great. Normally when I work out at 5am I wake up at 4:30 am shower, get ready, eat, feed my cats and head to the gym by 5 am because my gym is close to my house. But when I got there and I waited...I thought about going to another gym nearby but thank God I waited because he came shortly after I started thinking about leaving.

I love working out early because my mood is better throughout the day, especially I am already not a morning person but because I had a great work out, it puts me in a happier mood and I work better. I will eventually change all my work outs during the week to 5am but for now I love my split, some days I work out at 6pm and other days I work out at 5am. When I work out early I close all my rings by 11am which means I can literally go back to bed lol because I already completed a work out, met my standing goal and my move goal for the day but I usually keep going to get at least 10k steps.

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2025-08-26T21:05:10+02:00

Publié depuis Eklablog

Publié par Gaelle.R 26 Août 2025 à 09:05 PM

" As I try to leave, he pull me to him and suddenly my world felt shaky. How can I ever push him away? looking into those eyes, nothing else matters. He could take me right here in front of everyone and I wouldn't dare to say no. He brush one curl out of my face and lean in closer, my heart beats so fast as if it's about to jump out of my chest. Oh is he going to kiss me? I stared down at his lips and when my eyes meet his again he is smiling. A satisfying grin he knows I haven't moved on. He knows my heart still belongs to him. He knows I would moan his name if he asked me to. He knows I would do any depraving thing to keep him happy. He knows it, and I will never deny it."

from a story I am working on :)))))) keep sharing ? I will lol

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